The Wooing Of Sirius Black
by Tomo Potter
Summary: When Remus Lupin's secret crush is discovered, James decides that naturally the only thing to do is help his young friend woo the man of his dreams.  Nothing for poor Remus is ever as simple as it seems though...  RLSB OCRL JPRL slash
1. Prologue

A/N: I NEED TO STOP STARTING THESE DAMN THINGS IN NOVEMBER.

Warning: Slash, swearing, and many lols.

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters you recognise, and alas nobody will give me so much as a limo full of whores and bubbly for my fanfiction, I had to settle for a tricycle full of barbies and apple juice. -sad face-

**The Wooing of Sirius Black**

"All I'm saying is that our OWLS are only six months away!" Remus said exasperatedly. "These are some of the biggest exams of our lives, they decide what subjects we'll be able to do at NEWT level... what careers we can have down the line! Like it or not, it's important that we study." He huffed bossily, adjusting the stack of books in his arms.

"You are the most boring person I have ever met, and I once had Professor Binns going on at me for half an hour about how he had squashed a spider with his favourite book like a thousand years ago when he had real hands, and he was still really upset by it, and how he missed reading, and oh my GOD just thinking about it makes me want to jump out the fucking window." Sirius groaned, whacking his head on the post of his four poster.

"Glad to have won the title." Remus said dryly. "I'll be downstairs, NOT failing my OWLs. If anyone wants to join me, they're welcome."

"I hate you so much." Sirius eyed Remus, following him dully down the stairs. Peter and James merely shared a look. Sirius and Remus had been arguing more and more recently, and it was actually becoming a worry. From being the closest two of the Marauders, they had become constant bickerers, unable to agree on the simplest thing.

"PETER, COULD YOU BRING MY NOTEBOOK DOWN? IT'S ON MY BED." Remus called up, and the distant sound of sniping discussion slowly faded down the stairs.

Groaning, Peter wandered over to Remus' bed, which bore two notebooks, one slim, black, and slightly battered, the other one brown and torn to shreds. Not thinking twice, Peter opened the brown one, thinking it looked more like a much used notebook.

Which, of course, it was not.

"James..." Peter mumbled, hardly able to believe what he was seeing. "I think I've figured out why Remus and Sirius have been fighting so much lately."

_God, he's so beautiful, I can't even breathe around him. It's like being hit by a train. He keeps starting these fights with me though, and I can't help continuing them, just because any conversation with him is better than nothing. I don't know what to do, I can't keep this up. I need to just get over it. Sirius will never like me._


	2. This Will Be Difficult

A/N: Wow. It actually touches my heart that after a year of broken promises and basically NO updating, I can post a shitty 400 word prologue I wrote as a distraction during NaNoWriMo and get NINE reviews. Wow. I'm honestly really touched. I'm going to try to get this fic updating at least semi-regularly... I don't have my own computer atm, but I'll write whenever I can. I love you guys! (_To think, it's been here all along, somewhere to belong, and a reason, a something to believe in. I've finally found it, a place where I am wanted. This must be how it feels, to have a home!_) (If you got that reference I love you.)

Warning: Slash, swearing, and many lols

Disclaimer: I am a poor nobody and no one should sue me because I don't have so much as a limo full of whores and bubbly. Oh, and I claim NO ownership of the characters that follow :)

ALSO: Thanks to David, who helped me come up with the ending to this chapter. x) Oh, and HI ANNABELL if you found my account! I'm sorry I forgot your username, so I couldn't look you up :C

**The Wooing of Sirius Black**

"Oh... oh wow." James breathed, reading over Peter's shoulder. "I had no idea he was even... wow. And he... wow. How did Remus keep this hidden all this time?"

"I have no idea." Peter replied in a shellshocked tone, not wanting to let James, who lived perpetually in his own little bubble, know that he had in fact had his suspicions for a few years now. "I guess he just didn't want to mention it - I can understand that, poor guy probably had no idea how we'd react."

"PETER, WAIT!" Came a cry, apparently the sound of Remus realising that he had left his diary on his bed along with his notes. As hurried feet thumped up the stairs, Peter and James shared one look and decided not to even try and hide what had happened.

Remus burst into the room, bright red and puffing, though all the colour drained from his face when he saw the book in Peter's chubby hands. "You didn't..." He breathed, backing up slightly.

"We did." James said firmly, taking a commanding step forwards towards the shaking werewolf.

"James, I... look, I don't know what you saw, but I can explain. It's... you're not reading in context."

"I understand exactly what I read." James said. "And it's fine. Really, Remus, we've been able to tell for ages."

_'Liar.' _ Peter thought, shooting a quick unnoticed glare James' way.

"You could? Oh god... I thought I was doing a good job hiding it." Remus moaned, staggering to the nearest bed, which happened to belong to James, and sinking to a seated position, scarred face in torn hands. "I'm sorry! I just... I don't know... I don't know!"

"Moony, Moony, Moony. Don't fret." James sat down next to Remus, putting a caring arm around his shoulders and hugging him gently. "We understand. It's a little... different, but hey, you're a Marauder. You could paint yourself blue and marry a flower and we'd still love you as a brother."

"Thanks James." Remus smiled, looking up, an embarrassed smile on his jagged face. "But... it doesn't matter anyway. Sirius is sick of me. All we've done for months is argue. I think I offended him somehow."

"So you have to show him why he should be interested. Point out to Sirius just what a catch you are, Moony, my lad."

"In what way am I a catch?" Remus raised an eye. "I'm not the prettiest flower in the garden, and I'm all geeky and serious, and I don't like fun. I'm not Sirius' type at all. He likes 'em beautiful, dumb, and silly."

"No, he likes women like that. He LOVES you, Moony, just the way you are. He just doesn't realise it yet. We have to make him realise just what a find you truly are. Remus John Lupin, you are going to woo him."

"I'm what?" Remus asked, confused by James.

"You're going to woo him. And we're going to help, right Peter?" James looked over his shoulder to Peter, who was thumbing through Remus' diary, unnoticed. "PETER! Don't be a dick." James yelled, and Peter put down the diary, embarrassed.

"Sorry, Moony." Peter said, blushing crimson. "Yeah, I'll help."

"It's okay guys, really. He's not interested in the slightest. I doubt whatever your twisted idea of 'wooing' is will help." Remus sighed, leaning into James' half-hug. "He's not even gay. I tried to casually bring the subject up a few months ago, just to... I dunno, get his opinion on the whole thing or something, but he just shut me down completely, yelled something about balls, and stormed off."

"Hear that? He already wants your balls, eh?" James smiled consolingly, tightening his hug. "You've got an in alre - PETER!"

"Sorry." Peter put the diary down, looking ashamed. "I just... I want background info! No wooing offensive can be properly planned without all the Commandoes Of Love being fully informed."

Remus couldn't help but giggle at Peter's delightful war imagery. "I... I don't even really realise when I started liking him. I think I just always have. He's just always been... there... being Sirius... I don't even know what I like about him specifically, either. He's just... just Sirius. That's honestly all I can give you. I've never even looked twice at anyone else."

James nodded. "You have a serious case of Padfootitis. Probably - no - definitely the worst I've ever seen. It tends to be more of a female disease, but it's hit you stronger than any patient I've ever seen. As a qualified, practising Padfootologist I recommend you take one Sirius Black before bed and call me in the morning." James took a moment over the raucous giggles of Remus and Peter to actually think about what he had just said - at which point he choked on his words, and screamed; "AAH AAH NO, I TAKE THAT BACK, I NEVER SPOKE, AAAH!"

"I'm missing fun?" Came an unexpected voice from the doorway, and the three marauders turned to see their much-discussed comrade standing in the door looking confused.

"Sirius!" Remus gasped, blushing in spite of himself. "How... how long have you been standing there?"

"I came in right around the time James was declaring himself a Padfootologist and telling you to take me before bed." Sirius raised an eyebrow, smirking slightly. "Clearly, there have been hijinks while I was busy studying quietly like a good little boy. Moony should be proud. Or maybe I should be proud of him for being involved in hijinks while I was studying. This whole situation is far too confusing."

Remus giggled nervously, offering silent thanks to whatever deities may exist that Sirius hadn't heard anything more incriminating than that. "I'm confused too. Maybe we should all just go study. Exams and all."

"Exams and balls?" James snapped off right away, sending Peter and a startled Remus off into another spasm of giggles. "Moony, Moony, Moony, you've clearly been thinking down some dirty road. I wouldn't know, as I have never had a single dirty thought in my life, but you are clearly some monger of filth. Get out of my castle at once!"

"Lay off, James." Sirius smirked, failing to completely cover the evidence of his chuckles. "Remus has never monged the slightest bit of filth in his life. Get downstairs, you arse hole."

"Ahhh, but I'm your arse hole." James grinned, getting up and walking past Sirius, tongue stuck out in the process.

"Ew." Sirius grinned. "Have fun dealing with my shit."

"Always do!" James called up the stairs, followed by a comment that made Remus squeak and turn an interesting shade of mottled red and pale. "Don't mong him too filthily, Moony, my lad!"

"Who are you monging, Moony?" Sirius grinned teasingly, crossing the room and sticking his grinning face intrusively close to Remus'. "Is it Peter? Is Peter your sexy man friend?"

"No!" Remus cried, squirming incredibly uncomfortably. "I'm not monging anyone's filth, and that frankly just sounds incredibly disgusting."

"Actually it does." To Remus' relief, Sirius leaned back, stroking his stubbly chin in thought. "Ew. Yuck. Remus, you're disgusting."

"Not as disgusting as you." Remus said, standing up quickly and brushing off his clothes for something to do. "Come on, we've still got exams to study for."

"Don't even say that word." Sirius groaned, ambling towards the door. "They're six bloody months off and I'm already cringing at the mention of them."

"If you get all of your cringing out of the way now, maybe they won't be so bad when you actually get to them, for once." Remus rebutted, heading downstairs with Sirius and leaving Peter, the forgotten Marauder, sitting upstairs, completely alone, Remus' diary in his hands. He knew he had limited time - even if his presence wasn't immediately missed, Remus was sure to get downstairs and realise he'd forgotten his notes. Rushing to his own bed, Peter flung open his trunk, digging around desperately until he found a blank notebook he had bought at the start of the year for the novel he had been planning to write and promptly forgotten about completely. Pressing the tip of his wand to the cover of Remus' diary, Peter whispered a word duplication charm they had learned just the other day, as Professor Flitwick's idea of a sneaky way to help the students with their studies and note taking, though in reality of course all it would achieve would be cheating.

Peter watched satisfied, as his charm worked for once, and the blank pages of his notebook filled up with Remus' neat, recognisably looped handwriting. Making a mental note to read the entire thing later - snoopy or not, Peter had to know the full story - he tucked the copy under his pillow, flung the original back onto his fellow Marauder's bed, grabbed Remus' notes, and pelted downstairs to join the others.

* * *

"Hey! Sirius, hold up." James chased after his friend, sun setting in the background of Hogwarts castle as Sirius opened the grand doors out to the front lawn area. "Mind if I walk with you?"

"Course not." Sirius smiled, waiting for James to catch up. "I'm not making a Honeydukes run though, just going down for a walk by the lake."

"I know." James puffed, stopping for breath next to Sirius. "I just wanted to talk to you about some stuff."

"Why? Have we got a prank planned?" Sirius' face lit up at the thought, and it pained James to shake his head.

"Afraid not. It's much, much more mundane than that." James slipped through the door into the warm summer evening air. "We need to think something up soon though - Snivellus is getting awful cocky these days."

Sirius nodded in agreement, letting the door swing closed behind them and following James down the path towards the lake's edge, watching as the giant squid lazily extended a tentacle, waving it in front of the brilliant orange and purple sunset and snagging a bird midflight, before dragging it down the the murky depths below the water's shining surface.

The two walked down along the lake for a while in silence, each privately enjoying the view spread before them, James gathering his thoughts for the difficult subject he felt it was his duty to raise. For Remus' sake, of course. James saw Sirius as nothing but his twin - another part of him cruelly separated at birth, but Remus was like a different kind of brother, a little brother, one James wanted nothing but the best for and would always feel the need to look after. And in the current situation, this meant... well... a complicated conversation with Sirius.

"You wanted to talk to me?" Sirius interrupted James' thoughts, tearing his eyes from the sunset to stare straight at his best friend, a startlingly intense look that drove all thoughts of the conversation he had planned from James' head.

"Er... well... I... er... yeah..." James stuck his hands in his pockets, looking up at the sky as though his carefully planned thoughts had simply drifted from the top of his head and by looking up he could locate and recapture them. "Just... some stuff I've been wondering about. Like, nothing personal! Not about anything in particular. Just wondering."

"James, if you tell me you're a bloody born again Christian I swear I'll throw you to the squid." Sirius joked, though there was an edge of bitterness in his voice, clearly having detected the serious tone to James' speech.

"God forbid." James smiled, ruffling a hand through his already windswept hair. "Nah, I've just been thinking about a lot of stuff. Like... about guys and girls, and love in general. This isn't about me and Lily or anything like that, I'm still definitely going to marry her one day... I just read this book the other day, about... er... sexualities... and it got me thinking. Y'know, about... erm... homosexuals. And wondering if there are any... you know... at Hogwarts... maybe people we know."

"I wouldn't know." Sirius said sharply, entire body tense, staring firmly out at the lake. "Have you been talking to Remus or something? He was giving me this crap a few weeks ago, something about some book, and some guy in Hufflepuff... what's his face. I don't know, and I don't care."

James was somewhat taken aback by Sirius' firm tone and sudden change in demeanour. Maybe he really wasn't interested... or had something to hide... either way, James could see he would have to step carefully from here on out.

"Hey, it's not personal. I was just wondering if you knew anyone. It got me thinking about how hard it must be to be... that way... in a place like this. Everyone's so focused on these... er... heterosexual relationships. It'd be so hard to pretend to fit in. How do you even figure something like that out when you're surrounded by all this and there's nothing and no one around to help you."

"I guess." Sirius shrugged, loosening slightly, though he kept his eyes on the sunset, arms wrapped protectively around himself. "Apparently Terry Ball in Hufflepuff's queer, according to Moony. Never talked to the chap, so I have no idea if it's true or not."

"Yeah. I wonder how he figured it out." James sat down on a large rock, looking out over the water from next to Sirius. "It wouldn't be easy. Reckon he's got a boyfriend?"

"Nah. He's not actually out, Moony's just guessing. Said he chatted to the bloke once, and he described himself as fabulous. Moony's talking out his arse. He's clearly never actually met a gay person." Sirius sat down on the grass, chucking a stone idly at the lake while he spoke.

"Have you?" James asked, seeing an in here at last.

"My uncle... you know, the one who sends me money every now and then? He's a good bloke, but my family disowned him for it, of course. Couldn't have him messing up the bloodline by not reproducing, that would be dead scandalous." Sirius sighed, lying down on the cooling grass, hands covering his eyes. "Course I never found out until they'd kicked me out too, bunch of tossers. But he's a dead nice bloke - he and his partner send me a bunch of sweets and cakes every so often, and write to find out how I'm doing at school."

"Wow... I had no idea. That's really wonderful, Padfoot." James smiled, suddenly seeing Sirius in a brand new light. Close as they were, Sirius preferred to keep all mentions of his family as brief as was humanly possible, and James had never heard anything at all about Sirius' uncle, apart from the fact that he was sending Sirius a bit of money every now and then so he wouldn't be totally bereft without his parents support.

"He's a great guy. They both are." Sirius nodded, itching his nose idly. "I just... don't like to mention it. You know. My family isn't the best subject in the world."

"Nope." James agreed, glancing down at his best friend, wondering whether he could push the boundaries, with Sirius apparently in this vulnerable state. "Your uncle... what is it... Alphard?" -Sirius nodded- "... And his partner... they sound really great. Do you talk a lot?"

"Yeah, a bit. Alphard's been great, helping me through the whole separating from mum and dad thing. He told me all about when he got kicked out - he wasn't much older than I was - and how he got himself on his feet and met the guy of his dreams... they're total romantics. It's a bit embarrassing at times, but really sweet." James could hear the smile in Sirius' voice, and knew this was a good road to go down.

"That's so cute." James grinned. "I'd love to find something like that... with Lily, of course, but you know what I mean. A really emotional, caring relationship."

"Yeah..." Sirius said softly, and the conversation trailed off to silence. Clearly, Sirius wasn't ready to talk any further, but James was content with what he'd gotten from the conversation as it was. Sirius may not like talking about or acknowledging gay people, but not only was he very much aware of them, but he was supportive, and acknowledged that they could certainly have great relationships. Whether he was actually gay or not, he wasn't totally closed to the idea, as Remus had initially deduced from his earlier bluntness.

James shifted off the stone, lying down on the chill grass next to Sirius and watching the sky darken. He decided another approach might be worth trying, before the subject wore thin and became suspicious. "You know, I'm so in love with Lily it scares me. I know you guys like to give me shit about her, but she's actually perfect. All I want to do is sit next to her and listen to her talk about nothing for the rest of my life. Hell, she could read me an Arithmancy textbook and I'd probably find it the most fascinating thing ever written. I don't even know what it is about her... she's just... perfect. In every way. I can't imagine ever loving anyone else this much."

James heard the rustle of Sirius nodding, and caught the motion out of the corner of his eye. "Know just how you feel, mate."

This was it! "You do?" James asked, trying with every ounce of strength in his body to keep his tone casual. "I haven't heard anything about this - who's the lucky lady?"

"It's... difficult to explain." Sirius sighed, and James felt as though his very blood was on fire with excitement. It would only take on word from Sirius, and all of this would be fine - he could hook the two up, easy as that, and he'd be a hero, and Lily would probably fall for him based on this magnificently sexy sensitive side he was displaying. "I'm still trying to sort it all out in my head. I'm really confused, Prongs." Sirius sat up, turning a rock over in his hands and looking away from James. It was so hard to really get inside Sirius' head - he preferred to keep everyone at a distance so they didn't have to deal with his issues, which made friendship difficult at the best of times. "I've been thinking about... stuff... a lot, lately. It's not easy. I've never even said it aloud before." Sirius tossed the rock at the water and paused for thought, clearly deciding on the best way to put this. "But I think... I think I'm falling fo-" The splash as the rock hit the water's surface and began it's descent was immediately followed by a roar, drowning out anything Sirius may have said, and sending every thought screaming from both boys minds. Clearly, the Giant Squid had ventured rather closer to the waters edge than usual, and Sirius' carelessly thrown stone had hit him rather painfully. An angry tentacle emerged, dripping, from the water, followed by two more, which flailed viciously towards the boys on shore.

"AAAAAH!" James and Sirius yelled, scrabbling desperately to their feet and running from the deadly embrace, James narrowly dodging one suckered limb as it crashed to the ground mere centimetres from his legs.

"Bloody... shit!" Sirius panted, stopping once they were well and truly out of the squid's reach, and its tentacles had once again returned to their home in the lake's depths. "Remind me never to piss that thing off again. I quite like breathing air, thanks."

"Amen." James puffed, thankful to escape with all his limbs, but somewhat disappointed that he had now lost all opportunity to find out how Sirius was going to end that sentence.

This was going to be a lot harder than he had thought.


	3. Remus Lupin's Sordid Past

A/N: I just kinda wanna apologise for Terry. I don't generally like OCs in fanfiction, but... I dunno, this fic has always needed one in my mind, for reasons that will become clear as time passes. I'm still sorry though - as I said, OCs bother me a lot and I know I'm not the only one.

Also… as of this chapter, this fic WILL be slowing down. Sorry guys :( I haven't finished chapter 3 yet, and as of Thursday I won't have a laptop anymore, so I don't know how frequently I can post. STAY TUNED THOUGH. I -WILL- FINISH THIS ONE. I PROMISE YOU.

Warning: Slash, swearing, and many surprises.

Disclaimer: I own Terry! I'm gonna lay full claim to Terry right now. He's loosely based on a RP character of mine. No stealing. Any other characters or locations you recognise do not belong to me. I intend no copyright infringement, please don't sue me because I will have to pay you in gum.

EDIT: I reuploaded this chapter and chapter one because I realised that the pagebreaks I use in Textedit don't show up on fanfiction dot net anymore NNNYYYYAAAAAAARRRRRGHHHHHH. I'm really sorry about that - the whole fic should be a LOT more readable now. Sorry guys. Sorry.

**The Wooing of Sirius Black**

"And the squid had to pick that moment to intervene?" Remus groaned. He, James, and Peter were participating in what Peter had affectionately dubbed the 'War Cabinet Of Love' while Sirius was writing to his uncles in response to a letter he'd received that night.

"Swear to god. He'd drawn breath to say your name and everything." James groaned, whacking his head lightly on the side of his bed.

"It wasn't necessarily going to be my name." Remus said, though he didn't sound completely convinced anymore. "It could have been anyone. He just said he'd been thinking a lot lately, not that he was totally gay and wanted my bum. Could mean anything."

"He loves you. He loves your FACE." Peter interjected. "We have to do something about it."

"You have to woo him. He's already let his guard down once, he won't do it again that easily. Now it's your turn, just let him know you're interested, and the magic of love will do the rest." James said, waving his hands and twinkling his fingers in fairylike gestures.

"Ahaha. Yeah. That'll be easy. I'm a god of wooing, James, you know it." Remus said sarcastically. "That's why I get allll the ladies."

"Thought it was gentlemen you were after." Peter slipped in snidely, and the others ignored him.

"I'll teach you then. I'm an expert at wooing. In addition to my degree in Padfootology I have a doctorate in Wooing Sciences. I'm a very learned scholar, you know." James puffed himself up importantly, running a hand through his hair, supremely dignified look on his face.

"Sure you are. Alright, mister expert, how am I supposed to "Woo" Sirius, then?" Remus settled back, doing air quotes at the appropriate moment.

"Well... Sirius likes sexy. You've gotta be sexy."

"And how exactly do I go about this?" Remus raised an eyebrow, folding his arms.

"Well... you could..." James paused, apparently lost for ideas. "I dunno, press your knee up against his, whisper in his ear, offer to polish his broom for him, stuff like that."

Remus physically gagged at the last one. "James! There will be no broom polishing of any kind in the foreseeable future!"

"What? Oh god, Remus! You have the worst mind in the world! Aurgh. Ew. Ew ew ew ew. Jesus, I thought Sirius was bad..." James spluttered, recoiling from Remus.

"You're the one who said it!" Remus pointed out, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. "I'm the innocent party here."

"Yeah right." James rolled his eyes. "Innocent party, my arse."

"Your arse has never been innocent, Prongs." Peter pointed out, causing the other two to turn to him with incredulous looks on their faces.

"You are a strange, strange man, Peter Pettigrew." James shook his head, returning to the subject at hand. "So... yeah. Try being sexy. What else does Sirius like... hmmm... he likes pranks! Come up with a genius prank, and he'll be head over bloody heels for you. I give it my personal guarantee as a gentleman, and a Padfootologist."

"That's actually a good idea, James." Remus half smiled, really getting into the conversation for the first time. "But... you were saying about his uncles - they're just like... two halves of the same person, from what you said. That's obviously what Sirius is looking for, but we just keep fighting. I don't remember the last civil conversation we had that lasted more than a few minutes. I don't even know why we're fighting so much, it's ridiculous. But how can you find that kind of connection with someone who just bugs you all the time? There's no point even trying."

"Don't be so negative, Moony!" James nudged him encouragingly. "Just remember my life motto; there's no point NOT trying. If you just keep going the way you have been, of course he's never going to realise how you feel. You have to show him that you're everything he wants and more. You're his dreamboat."

"I... I don't think I've ever been called a dreamboat before." Remus blinked. "I... I guess. But what kind of prank? I can't just think these things up on the fly like you do."

"Hmm. Something to do with the Slytherins, of course. We could... we could turn everything Slytherin coloured in the school really prissy colours - pinks and purples, and turn their robes into like... OOOH! Princess dresses! And then we twist the spell so none of them have any idea anything's different. It's perfect. They'll look like they've all wandered out of a production of Cinderella, and nobody's going to have ANY idea until they get to the Great Hall!" For a second James even forgot why they were doing this, mind caught up in the fun of planning.

"Too obvious. It has to be something really original. But still public. Sirius loves spectacle, but I just think it needs jazzing up a bit. Besides, the gay connotations aren't reeeally what I want. I'd rather it be a good, straight prank." Remus scratched his scars thoughtfully. "Also, you know I don't like humiliation. Oooh, a screaming hex? Sirius used to love screaming hexes, we haven't used them since Dumbledore cottoned on that they were his trademark in third year."

"A screaming hex on the food? On EVERYONE'S food? You take a bite out of a drumstick, it opens its mouth and starts wailing in agony? GENIUS, Moony!"

"I try." Remus smiled in mock modesty. "Reckon he'll like it?"

"Moony, he will not only love it, but he will love YOU for it. You should tell him as soon as he gets back from the Owlery. He was saying we haven't done enough lately, bringing back an old classic can only make it better." James grinned. "EEEEE, I am so excited!" He paused, then laughed. "Wow. That was incredibly girly. This whole gay thing is getting to me." James shuddered slightly, and Peter and Remus giggled.

"What gay thing?" Again, the three co-conspirators were caught out in the middle of a conversation by an unexpected voice in the doorway. Not Sirius this time, thankfully, but Lily Evans. James instantly sat up straighter, grinning like a dog who's seen a can opener, and ruffling his already messy hair.

"Oh, nothing. We're just thinking of ways to help Snivellus out of his enormous, greasy closet." Peter said offhandedly, and the others laughed loudly at the unexpected Snape dig.

"Oh grow up." Lily snapped, folding her freckled arms. "Severus isn't gay, and he isn't greasy. I don't see how you can all be so immature as to bully someone who never did you one iota of harm. Especially you, Remus... I'd expect about as much from Potter, but I always hoped for more from you."

"Sorry Lily..." Remus muttered, but James was inflamed now, stepping off the bed and walking over to Lily, using his 'sexy walk' that he refused to believe looked ridiculous, no matter how many times he was told.

"You miss the point though, Evans my angel. Snivellus does me harm just by existing. He slimes up the place, I'm always tripping over the trails he leaves." Peter sniggered at James' dig, but Remus was busy looking ashamed. "Not to mention that nose - it's always blocking my way."

"Oh shut up, Potter. You're such a tosser!" Lily glared at James, a glare made of fire and ice - a glare designed to destroy souls. "And you wonder why I won't go out with you!" Eyes still locked furiously on James, Lily redirected her conversation in Remus' direction once more. "Remus, do you have my notes from Arithmancy?"

"Ah, yeah. Here you go." Remus dug out a neat stack of notes from the pile by his trunk, handing them to Lily, who never once took her eyes off James.

"Thank you, Remus. I'll see you later." Lily narrowed her eyes at James, then turned on her heel and left the room as quickly and quietly as she had entered it.

"Wow. What's her problem?" James breezed, returning to his seat and shaking his hair as though that would make the slightest bit of difference.

"Her best friend's a greasy arse?" Peter suggested. "I know I'd be pissed all the time if I had to hang out with Snivellus."

James chuckled. "That's the ticket. Anyway, back to the plan. Where were we?"

"Pretty much done, I think, actually." Remus said, itching his neck. "Should we all just hang out here until Sirius gets back, or reconvene later?"

"Maybe reconvene later. That way he'll think you just thought it up off the top of your head, and it'll be that much more impressive."

Remus nodded. "I've got a book to return to the library anyway - Terry Ball in Hufflepuff wanted to get it out after me, and he'll be pissed if I don't bring it back today."

"Oh, so Terry _is_ gay?" James asked, standing up and stretching, back cracking satisfyingly. "Sirius said you'd mentioned it, but he thought you'd just been talking out your arse."

"Oh... uh, no, Terry's really gay." Remus said, looking embarrassed all of a sudden. "I know for certain."

"Ohoho, this certain sounds pretty certain, Moony darling. Might I enquire as to the salacious methods you employed to retrieve said information?" James grinned, an evil look on his face.

"Well..." Remus blushed a deep crimson, looking down at the floor, steeling himself to fess up. "After the Halloween feast at the start of the year we... kind of... fooled around a bit. Nothing serious... we were never actually a couple. It just kind of happened. We're still really good friends though, he helped me figure out a lot."

"I'll say, Moony! Way to go! How far'd he get?" James grinned, wearing the exact same face he slapped on every time Sirius came back with reports of his most recent conquest.

"Erm... er... it wasn't anything really, just some... er... kissing, and... er..."

"And er, eh?" James grinned. "Some kissing and er?"

"You're making it sound bad, James!" Remus was hunched over, eyes locked firmly on his knees, face as red as the maroon curtains on his bed. "It... we didn't... you know. We just... er... experimented a bit."

"I see." James grinned smugly. "So, Moony, you've been experimenting with a bit of kissing and er, hmmm?"

"Who's been kissing?" Sirius asked, yet again startling his comrades in the middle of an uncomfortable conversation.

"Bloody hell!" James yelped. "We need a damn bell on the stairs!"

"Or you could just close the door?" Sirius suggested, strutting into the room and flopping down onto his bed in a rush of hair and duvets. "So, who's been kissing who? Was it me again?"

"No, I'm afraid your role as Marauder Casanova has been usurped!" James announced delightedly, not seeing Remus' frantic 'no!' gestures. "Our darling little Moony here has apparently been 'um er kissing and er' with a saucy wee Hufflepuff!"

"James!" Remus protested, face positively glowing with embarrassment. "It was months ago, and it wasn't anything serious. I told you we're just friends. You don't need to go around telling everybody." James at once lost his teasing demeanour when he saw the look of agony in Remus' eyes, and the shock on Sirius' face. Perhaps not the best move ever made in a war of love.

"Sorry, Moony." James sighed, leaning against the bedpost. "I forgot."

"It's okay." Remus sighed, scratching at his scars in a stress habit.

"What's the big deal?" Sirius asked, all traces of shock and a little something James' hopeful side had decided looked like hurt having vanished from his refined features. "I've been snogging everything on legs for years, it's about time you got in on the action! C'mon, Moony, who was it?"

"No one. I don't want to talk about it, Sirius. It was months ago, and it didn't really mean anything." Remus said, and there was so much exhaustion in his voice that even Sirius detected it, and backed off.

"Sorry, Moony. Thought we were doing a Marauder victory celebration. I was gonna run down to the kitchens." Sirius said, rubbing his face tiredly. "Might as well go anyway, we've not got anything on tonight, have we? I think for once we're all caught up on homework."

"Wait!" Remus said, sitting up, figuring things were already so messed up; why shouldn't he put James' motto into use and just go for it? There was nothing overly seductive about suggesting a prank - Sirius wasn't exactly going to read 'SNOG ME SILLY' into it somehow, but it would be a good way to begin healing whatever this rift between them was. "We haven't pranked anyone for ages. Who's up for a little Marauder action?"

"Have you got a plan?" Sirius' eyes lit up, and he sprang to an attentive sitting position, hair falling across his face in a way that somehow managed to be attractive despite its plain sloppiness.

"I think so... well... I've got an idea, anyway." Remus said, sitting up properly now, relieved that Sirius seemed entranced by the thought of another prank at last. "Remember the good old screaming hex? I think it deserves a comeback."

"Moony, you're brilliant! Oh, I could kiss you!" Sirius cried joyously, possibilities clearly flashing in front of his eyes. "But what would we do with it?"

Remus struggled to maintain his composure after Sirius' offhanded comment about kissing him. "Well... it's just an idea... but what about the food? We hex everything in the great hall and watch people's faces as they bite into toast and it yells its head off!"

"Moony, Moony, Moony. You are a genius. I think I need to marry your big sexy prank-filled head right this second. This is exactly what we need. Exactly."

Remus flushed with delight at Sirius' praise. "Thanks, Padfoot. Should we do it tonight, or -"

"No, no. We need to wait. Think. It's the end of term on Friday, there'll be a big feast. What better time? Plus we've got two days to practice the charm again so we'll be ready to do it on such a big scale." Sirius grinned wickedly, the idea clearly having captured his heart on a serious level. "Moony, you're brilliant. This is so perfect..."

* * *

A small amount of pre-prank planning later, Remus was headed down to the library to return the copy of Homosexuality In Wizardry; A Study Through The Ages he had borrowed embarrassedly months ago and been too ashamed to return until Terry asked if he could check it out. He was humming nonchalantly and clutching a stack of books, so that the title of the one he was actually returning was in no way visible. He hummed his way through the most deserted route he could think of, determined not to run into anyone at all on his way down to the library, just in case.

"Oh, hi Remus!" A clear, friendly voice interrupted his innocent sneakiness, and Remus yelped, turning quickly to see Terry Ball right behind him. "Returning that book?"

"Yeah." Remus said embarrassedly, shuffling his stack awkwardly. "I really don't want to face Madam Pince again though... getting it out was bad enough."

"Oh, you're fine!" Terry smiled, patting Remus' arm reassuringly. "How are things, anyway? We haven't really had a chance to talk for ages."

"Yeah... I've been fine, pretty much. Just studying my brains out for OWLs." Remus smiled awkwardly. He had lied a little bit to James before when he said that he and Terry were still good friends... sure, they got along, and Terry sure thought they were good friends, but Remus just found him... difficult to talk to. Asides from Terry being completely comfortable with his sexuality and Remus still being firmly in the closet, Remus found even the concept of having a friendly chat with someone who knew exactly what he looked like naked alarming at the best of times. "How're you doing?"

"Ahh, man, I wouldn't want to be where you are." Terry laughed. "I'm already stressing about NEWTs, and I don't have them until next year. Other than that, I've been good though... y'know, just the usual. How's the whole coming out to your friends thing going?"

"SSsssh!" Remus hissed desperately, looking around for eavesdroppers. "Someone could be here. If you really must know... James and Peter stumbled upon my journal by mistake, and figured the whole thing out. Sirius still doesn't know though, and I intend to keep it that way. The fewer people that know, the better."

"Have it your way." Terry smiled secretively. "You seemed perfectly fine with me knowing, though."

"Hey, you came out to me first. And I was drunk, thanks to Sirius." Remus blushed at the mention of that night. "I probably wouldn't have... er..."

"Swapped hand jobs with a complete stranger otherwise? I know." Terry smiled. "Doesn't mean I can't tease you about it."

"I... er..." Remus had no response, and Terry seemed slightly embarrassed to have brought the whole thing up in the first place. They walked in silence for a while, before Terry reached out kindly to Remus.

"Here, let me take those books. They look heavy."

"Oh no, it's alright. I'm kind of used to it." Remus couldn't help blushing, and had he had free hands he would have been scratching furiously at his scars.

"Come on, in that case you deserve a break." Terry smiled, plucking the books from Remus' weary arms and taking their weight himself, smiling amicably all the while.

"Thanks." Remus said meekly, hands reaching up to pick nervously at his scars.

"Did you seriously get all these books out?" Terry asked, shifting their weight slightly. "Man, you read a LOT."

"Well... not all at once. And I'm only actually returning two of them, I just..."

"Wanted a cover?" Terry smiled. "Been there, done that. Don't worry so much, man. I promise you, everyone will care a lot less than you think."

"I wish that was the case." Remus sighed, running a hand through his hair. "James and Peter are determined to... er... find me a man."

"They are?" Terry raised an amused eyebrow. "Man, good luck. I swear to you, we're the only two queers in the entire school."

"Ssssssshhhhh!" Remus hissed, looking around worriedly. "Stop saying things like that!"

"Sorry, I keep forgetting." Terry blushed. "But seriously, who do they think they're going to hook you up with?"

"They... er... think they've found someone. I'm not allowed to say who it is though." Remus finished lamely.

"You aren't, huh?" Terry smirked. Remus really appreciated having Terry - having somebody to confide in who understood exactly what he was going through was completely priceless to Remus, but he still hadn't explained his feelings for Sirius, somehow he thought it would make things even more awkward between the two of them.

"Er... nope." Remus looked away and scratched at his scars, hoping Terry wouldn't follow the subject any further. He sincerely regretted raising it.

"You know, I've always wondered how you got those sexy scars." Terry commented, clearly thinking he was doing Remus a favour by changing the subject, although all he was doing was making the poor boy more flustered than ever.

"Er... I was attacked by a wolf, when I was a kid. I'll probably have them for the rest of my life." Remus said lamely, sticking to the only excuse he had ever used. It had seemed pathetic when he was seven years old, and it was still pathetic to this day, but it was all he had.

"Oh. Harsh, man." Terry said sympathetically. "Do you remember it much?"

"Not really." Remus said, telling the truth about the attack for once. "I remember seeing the wolf lunge at me, and then I remember hurting more than I had ever hurt in my life, and then I woke up at St. Mungos and they told me I had been attacked. That's about it. I've had these scars since."

"Wow. That's really intense." Terry said, apparently lost in thought. "Must have been rough growing up like that."

"Yeah. I tried going back to muggle school afterwards, but all of the kids either teased me or were scared of me, so in the end my parents just homeschooled me. I didn't know if I was even going to go to Hogwarts, but Dumbledore convinced my parents." Again, this was not a total lie, nor was it the complete truth. Remus had gotten to a point where he considered himself a master of half-truths.

"Well, I'm glad you came here." Terry smiled, an odd look on his face that Remus couldn't quite place.

"Me too." Remus smiled back, deciding just to ignore the odd look. "I was so shy as a kid, if I hadn't come here and met Sirius and James I probably wouldn't be able to so much as open my mouth."

"Yeah." Terry smiled, though now this smile definitely seemed to be of the sad variety.

"Er... what about you... what were you like as a kid?" Remus asked, suddenly desperate to talk about anything else. He didn't know exactly what he had said wrong, but he suddenly felt even more foolish and embarrassed than he usually did talking to Terry.

"Oh, pretty normal. I went to muggle school, I was in the choir, I played cricket, I collected butterflies. I had a frog. I had the most ridiculously normal childhood ever." Terry grinned. "It's almost embarrassing. Everyone else has childhood trauma or at least moved house or something... I just kinda ran around in the mud a lot." He chuckled and Remus laughed too, thankful for Terry's easygoing approach to conversation.

"I have to say I'm kinda jealous." Remus grinned. "Wish I'd had a nice uneventful childhood."

"Wanna swap?" Terry asked, and Remus laughed again, glad that for once he didn't have to hear the usual unending stream of pity that usually followed any mention of his attack. Instead, Terry was fun and casual about it, and Remus really appreciated that. He didn't think Terry would be nearly as jovial if he knew the truth about the attack, but he never would, and right now it was just nice to laugh about it for once.

"No thanks. Pretty sure a boring childhood would be better than all my crap. No offense." Remus half-smiled, relief washing over him. He had forgotten how easy it was to just talk to Terry, when the subject was anything other than being gay.

"None taken, since you're probably right." Terry smiled, looking up. "Well, the library. At last. Think you've got the balls to return this book?" He smirked teasingly, returning Remus' stack of literature.

'_Oh, you know I do!_' said the little voice in Remus' head that was Sirius, but Remus' mouth decided that was _not_ the right thing to say to Terry, who would certainly run with it. "I got it out, didn't I? I can do this, easy." Remus marched determinedly over to the returns desk, dropped the two books he was returning efficiently from the bottom of his pile, then returned quickly to Terry's side, without so much as looking back.

"You're a regular daredevil." Terry grinned, watching as Madam Pince checked the books back in without so much as a blink, placing them on the Recent Returns stand and resuming her regular work unphased.

"My turn." Terry strolled forwards, casual as anything, and plucked the book off the Returns shelf without so much as a blink. He strutted confidently over to Madam Pince's desk, handing her the title and watching her face for any reaction. He was clearly disappointed when she stamped the book without a word, and handed him a quill for his signature, passing the book over silently when he was done.

"I had kind of hoped for a bigger reception." Terry said in a disappointed tone, rejoining Remus with his book.

"I could tell." Remus nodded. "She was exactly the same when I got it out. No reaction whatsoever. I don't think she cares."

"I don't think she really recognises individual students anymore. We're just a big blur of hormones and exam stress." Terry smirked, and Remus giggled.

"Probably. So what're you doing now?" He asked, suddenly not wanting to part company with Terry so soon.

"Gonna head back to the commons, get my read on." Terry grinned, waving Homosexuality in Wizardry; A Study Through The Ages. "You?"

"Ah, yeah." Remus was suddenly embarrassed, and not really sure what he had been thinking in the first place. "Got OWLs to study for. Six months is a depressingly short amount of time to have left."

"Know the feeling well." Terry smiled, turning towards the Hufflepuff common room. "Well, see you later."

"Yeah, see you." Remus smiled awkwardly and the two parted ways, a strange feeling of unease in Remus' stomach.

* * *

It was late. It was dark. Peter was certain nobody was going to still be awake at this time of night. Indeed he could clearly hear snoring from at least two of the three other beds in his dorm, but still, one could never be too careful.

A quick silencing charm, and Peter finally felt safe opening his illicit copy of Remus' diary. After a quick skim of the start, the word _gay_ leapt out at him from the 20th or so page, and Peter began to read.

_I mean, I've known I was gay for absolutely ages. I just... never really pictured myself doing anything about it._

_I was so, so, SO drunk. I blame Sirius for that one. He was getting drunk, and decided it'd be more fun if we did it together. I don't know why I keep letting him talk me into these things... I just have so much trouble resisting him when he looks at me all excited. It makes me melt... god, I'm hopeless. I need to grow a pair, as Sirius would say._

_Anyway. Got to stop thinking about Sirius. I have much bigger problems now._

_Problems? I don't know._

_God, this is so confusing._

_Anyway, I was really drunk. R e a l l y drunk. And Sirius fucked off with some girl... Penny something, I think. Not sure. And I was just kind of in this really good mood, and I met this really nice Hufflepuff called... Terry Ball, I think. Man, this must be bad if I can't even fully remember his name._

_Anyway, we got to talking, and he had a few of the drinks Sirius had left me with, and after a few he just kinda started touching my leg all innocently, and then he told me he thought I was cute, and... I don't really know what happened. Everything's kind of a blur after the first few drinks we had together. I just know we talked for hours, and somehow we wound up in a hidden corridor and we were kissing and... oh god, I can't even write about it without getting embarrassed. I don't know how it happened... I've never even kissed anyone before. I think I remember telling him that, and him finding it cute, but somehow we wound up... oh bollocks, I can't even word this right in my damn diary. _

_We didn't have sex... I think. My understanding of the definitions is kinda hazy, but I'm just gonna go ahead and call sex... well... penetration. We just touched each other (MERLIN that was difficult to write) but it was still a LOT more intimate than I've ever been with anyone, more than I had planned on being for... well, for a long time, at least. Like I said, I've never really pictured myself actually... y'know, doing anything about being gay. I just kind of pictured myself like one of those plants that have other plants bud off them without needing any help. Not that I'd planned on having other plants. This is the worst metaphor ever. _

_It was nice, from what I remember, but I don't know how I'm gonna face Terry... for that matter, how I'm gonna face anybody, ever. I know nobody knows, but I just... I feel different. I feel like people will know just by looking at me. Maybe I smell. Oh god, I have to have a shower. And burn these clothes._

_I don't know how I got to bed afterwards, but I've just woken up and realised all this, and I have an awful hangover, and I kind of feel like my world is ending._

_Oh god, and Sirius! Oh god. Terry seems nice but I'm really, really, really not looking for a relationship with anyone, except possibly Sirius. (Which will never, ever happen.) It's just too risky. It's bad enough being the secret werewolf. I don't want to have to be the secret gays - or worse, the out gays. I think I would rather be have my eyeballs removed and the sockets used to bake cupcakes._

_I have made myself a jolly good mess. Oh dear._

_This is just too much._

_I have to go shower, before the others arise to meet their hangovers. And possibly burn these clothes, just in case they smell..._

_Oh merlin._

_WHAT HAVE I DONE?_


	4. And Then It All Got Complicated

A/N: Wow. This fic is getting absurdly long. Like, seriously... I have about eight thousand things I want to happen between now and the end, and NO idea how I'm going to fit them all in. Why do I keep writing such monsters? Also, it seems to have fallen into a pattern of specific groups in each chapter... the next chapter is going to shake EVERYTHING up though. Promise. It will be UH-MAYZING.

Warning: Slash, swearing, and many cutes.

Disclaimer: I own Terry! Terry and his magnificence are all mine. Any other characters and situations you may recognise are not mine, please don't sue me because I'M JUST A POOR BOY NOBODY LOVES ME (HE'S JUST A POOR BOY FROM A POOR FAMILY, SPARE HIM HIS LIFE FROM THIS MONSTROSITY!)

Note; not actually a boy, just quoting. I don't want half a dozen reviews that say 'OMG UR A BOY I HAD NO IDEA R U GAY?'

**The Wooing Of Sirius Black**

"Sirius! Hey, man, wait up." James waved, hurrying to catch up to his friend. Sirius appeared deep in thought, though he turned at James' call, waiting with a strangely deep look on his face.

"What's going on?" Sirius asked, once James had caught up and the two had resumed walking.

"Nothing, Padfoot. Just wanted to chat. You seem a bit... down lately." James shrugged, mind honed, ready and waiting to pick up on so much as the slightest hints Sirius may give him.

"I'm not down, really." Sirius sighed, adjusting his hair. "Just... introspective. I've been thinking about a lot of stuff the last couple of days."

"Like what?" James asked, silently thanking Merlin for an in so early in the conversation. "Is it to do with the stuff we were talking about the other day?"

Too obvious. Far too obvious. Sirius looked down at James, raising one eyebrow suspiciously. "And what do you mean by that?"

"Oh, you thought... I don't mean! I just... I mean, you were about to say... something when we were interrupted! That's what I meant. Not. Yeah. Sorry, mate." James blurted hurriedly, mentally changing his thanks to Merlin into the most vicious and nasty curse he could think of.

Sirius half nodded, looking up at the ceiling, adjusting his bag slightly on his shoulder. "But yeah. And some stuff I was talking to Remus about, and just... stuff in general." Sirius' eyes had that faraway look again, and James was relieved to be off the hook for now.

"He misses you, you know." James changed the subject slightly, remembering Remus' comments about how he and Sirius were always fighting. "We were talking the other day. He's sick of fighting with you all the time. He doesn't even know why it keeps happening. He just wants everything to go back to how it was last year, before... whatever this is."

"So do I." Sirius sighed, rubbing his eyes in the weary gesture of a man three times his age. "I don't know why it keeps happening... he just... rubs me the wrong way, and then I snap, and he snaps back, and it's all a big mess and I just want to fix things."

"Talk to him." James urged desperately. "He wants to fix things too, he really does. He's been so messed up all year. He doesn't know how he feels about anything anymore... christ, he hooked up with a stranger, drunk. Moony's not alright. You have to talk to him."

"I will." Sirius said decisively, though James thought he saw that same exciting flash of hurt at the mention of Remus' actions. "I'll talk to him. We'll talk. We'll fix this."

"Atta boy, Padfoot." James grinned, giving Sirius a brief sideways, one-armed hug. "Now come on, tell ol' Prongsie what ails ye."

"I dunno." Sirius sighed, flopping exhaustedly onto a bench next to a statue of a jovial witch tripping over a flying carpet. "Everything. Every single thing in the world ails me, and I don't know where to begin."

"Pick up where you left off?" James suggested, falling into the seat next to Sirius and mentally apologising to Moony for missing History of Magic.

"I hardly even remember what we were talking about." Sirius sighed. "Everything's just a blur these days, I can barely pay attention, I'm so wrapped up in thought." He smirked, then continued speaking, in an extremely poor and crone-ish impression of Remus' voice. "And with OWLs only six months away!"

James chuckled gently. "You know he only wants us to pass."

"I know, and I'll probably owe him for the rest of my life, because there is no way I would even have _reached_ OWLs without him. It still pisses me off though. Remus used to be fun."

"He's just stressing. We've all done it. Like you said, we'll thank him in six months." James said soothingly.

"I know, but remember the week before exams in second year? We were all down the lake talking about ways to sneak dungbombs into the castle for third year, and Peter got tired so you guys went up to bed? Remus and I sat out there until it got dark, tossing stones in the lake. I hit the squid and panicked when it came for us, but Remus was just calm as anything... he jumped up on a rock and teased it, then ducked out of the way... I admired his courage so much, and then he tripped, and I carried him back to the castle because he'd twisted his ankle and couldn't run. That's the Remus I miss. When's the last time he did anything fun?"

"Hey, he's not just some boring study machine anymore. He thought up the screaming food prank, remember?" James said, not sure whether to take the fond memory as a good or bad sign. "He's still exactly the same person you - remember. He's just under a lot of pressure right now, you know it'll be hard for him to get a job even with amazing marks."

Sirius nodded, rubbing his face. "I know. I know. I just... I dunno. I don't know what it is that's bothering me, and I don't know why I keep starting fights. I just... miss him."

"It's not too late to fix all that. He's been distancing himself all year because he's been stressed about exams, which we're not, and trying to figure out how he sees himself as an adult, which we're not, and sorting out romantic issues, which we're not. He's just doing different stuff. Mature twat." James smiled, and Sirius snorted with laughter.

"I guess. It kinda makes sense." Sirius said, and James gave himself a pat on the back for managing to mention the whole gay thing without giving it away whatsoever. "What do you mean, how he sees himself as an adult?"

"I... um... er..." James stammered, searching desperately for an excuse. "Like... career wise? We're all just kinda breezing through life, but Remus has to figure everything out in advance if he has any chance of getting anywhere."

"Ah." Sirius nodded, and James sighed in relief. "I never really thought about it much."

"I guess none of us did." James said, only just realising for himself at least part of the reason for Remus' change in demeanour this year. "We don't think about Remus much I guess, 'cause he's so quiet all the time."

Sirius nodded, eyes a million miles away. "I guess." He shook his head, trying to gather himself again. "Man, how mad is he going to be about us skipping History?"

"Furious." James grinned. "He might flay us alive."

"It's a distinct possibility." Sirius nodded. "Although he always has better death threats than anyone, it'll probably be a billion times more creative than anything either of us can come up with."

"Probably." James chuckled, glad to see the carefree smile on Sirius' face for one of very few times since he left his parents' house, though it was still marred by a strange, dreamy, faraway look around the eyes.

"Actually... I lied before." Sirius' tone changed at once, and he looked down at his knees, elbows on his thighs, forehead rested on clenched fists. "I remember exactly what I was gonna say the other day. It's just... difficult to put. Difficult to say out loud." Sirius sighed, rubbing his face angrily, and James stayed quiet, determined not to jinx it. "And you have to promise not to freak out or hate me or anything, because I think I would actually go completely mental without you to talk to."

"I promise." James said quietly, putting a supportive hand on Sirius' back. "You know I'll be here for you through anything, mate. Nothing you say will change that. We're brothers."

Sirius didn't shift his head, but James could hear the appreciative smile in his voice over the despair when he next spoke. "Thanks, mate. Dunno how I would deal with any of this without you. It's just... it's not easy to say. I've never said it aloud before."

"Wanna write it down?" James suggested, patting Sirius' back comfortingly.

"No, I... actually, yeah. That's a great idea. I'll write everything down and leave it on your bed when I'm done. Thanks, Prongs." Sirius looked up, smiling, and James was taken aback to see that his eyes were actually damp; Sirius hadn't been crying, but he was obviously close. James couldn't remember the last time he saw his friend this vulnerable.

"No problem, mate. I'm always here, whenever you need me." James smiled, and Sirius smiled back. They shared a quick manly embrace, then Sirius stood up, wiping his eyes, clearly embarrassed.

"C'mon. Moony'll probably butcher us if we're late to Potions after skipping History." He said, with a small chuckle.

"True." James grinned, and the two headed off, switching to easier conversation topics, James wondering all the while what would be in his letter when it arrived.

* * *

"James, I - oh. Hey, Remus." Sirius said, embarrassed, walking into the dorm room. "I thought James was here."

"Nah." Remus said, looking up from his notes. "He and Peter said something about Honeydukes and disappeared about half an hour ago."

"Ah." Sirius nodded, crossing to his own bed and sitting down, rubbing his face. "What're you doing?"

"Studying. Big Ancient Runes paper." Remus said, not looking up.

"Ah." Sirius said, and an uncomfortable silence followed, broken only by the rustling of Remus' papers.

"Wanna head down and join the others in Honeydukes? My sweet tooth's itching, and I bet chocolate would make those runes more enjoyable." Sirius suggested, unable to bear the burning emptiness between them.

"I really have to finish this paper, Sirius, but you go ahead." Remus still didn't so much as look up, and Sirius had to try his best not to be annoyed by this. As little as six months ago Remus would have been by his side in the tunnels at once, enjoying the adventure with him, but now... nothing.

"Come on, Moony? We'll only be gone an hour, tops. It'll still be there when you get back, I promise. You're surrounded by paper, you deserve a break." He pleaded, desperate to find his friend under the shell of this new Remus.

"Sirius! Don't make me lose my train of thought!" Remus snapped, then sighed. "Sorry. This isn't easy, I can't afford to take a break. Some other time."

"How long do you have for it?" Sirius asked, hoping for some future date they could spend time together, just doing the usual things.

"Two weeks, Sirius, please! Concentrating!" Remus snapped, quill flying over his parchment.

"Two bloody weeks! Come on, Moony, an hour's trip to Honeydukes won't kill you. Just you and me, no school, no runes, just an hour to unwind and eat chocolate with me." Sirius protested, and Remus finally looked up, throwing his parchment and quill down.

"Sirius, I said no! I have to focus on this paper because, in case you've never tried it, learning another language .easy, especially when it's a conglomeration of tens of ancient languages. ., and you going on about chocolate and bloody Hogsmeade is _not_ helping!" Remus said angrily, fire in his eerily golden eyes. Sirius had forgotten it was two days before the moon, and Remus' temper was fiercer than normal around this time. Add that to the stress, and Remus being annoyed at Sirius in general, and it made for one peeved werewolf.

All of these sensible, rational thoughts raced through Sirius' head, settling themselves neatly in his consciousness as The Many Reasons Remus Is Yelling At Me, while Sirius' mouth chose to ignore sense and ration altogether, and was yelling right back of its own accord. "Merlin's BALLS, Remus, what is WRONG with you? You're so bloody wrapped up in school! You haven't done anything fun all year - you've completely deserted all of us, except for when you're telling us to study study study, for an exam that's _six bloody months away_! You've become a bore and an annoyance, Moony, and I don't know why I even fucking bother anymore. I don't." Sirius stormed out of the room, the door slamming firmly behind him. He was less than halfway down the stairs when he stormed straight into James, colliding sharply, and almost sending them both toppling down to the common room below.

"Bloody hell, Sirius, what's wrong?" James asked, seeing his friend's distressed, upset state.

"Me. I'm wrong. I am so bloody FUCKING wrong." Sirius yelled angrily, fist flying hard into the unforgiving stone wall. "I just yelled at one of my BEST friends for NO reason whatsoever, and I don't even know why I'm so FUCKING angry at him, but I want to smush his tiny scarred FACE and it's so STUPID because he didn't do a FUCKING thing."

"Woah. Calm down, Padfoot." James put a steadying hand on Sirius' shoulder, looking up at his friend. "We're gonna go down to the kitchens, you're gonna have a cup of tea, and we're gonna talk about it. We're gonna talk about everything, okay, and I'm going to help you sort it out. I'm really worried about you, Sirius, and we're going to work this out together. But first you're going to wait here, take a seat on the stairs, and THINK about things, and I'm going to go see if Remus is okay, because he is my friend too, and he's going through a lot more than you realise right now. Does that sound like a plan."

Sirius nodded roughly, flopping back into a sitting position where he was, without so much as a word. James, taking that as all he was going to get out of him, started to ascend the stairs, trying to work out this whole mess in his head. Feelings and whatnot had never been James' specialty, and all of the feeling involved in this current drama was so tangled and confusing it was almost impossible to figure out why the bloody hell anyone was doing anything.

"Remus?" James asked, opening the door to their room, heart breaking a little bit when he saw Remus hunched over his books, clearly crying all over his carefully jotted notes. "Sirius told me what happened... are you alright?" James crossed the room quickly, reaching out to enfold Remus in a tight, comforting hug.

"O-o-of COURSE I'm not b-bloody alright..." Remus sniffled, tears soaking the shoulder of James' clothes as he returned the hug gratefully. "Sirius hates me. I'm a bore and a-a-an an-noyance. That's all h-h-he s-sees me as anymore." He hiccuped the words between sniffs and groans. "I KNEW I w-w-was stupid t-to even th-th-th-think..."

"Oh Remus, don't! This is all my fault. I was talking to Sirius earlier, and he was talking about how he misses just hanging out with you back when you didn't have so many worries or so much work to do, and I guess it triggered something. It's not your fault, I promise, you didn't do anything wrong. Not a single thing, Remus. He's just stressed with the crap from his family, and he took it out on you because he's frustrated about all your study stuff, but it does NOT mean a thing, Moony. It doesn't. I'm completely convinced he loves you, Remus. A thousand percent sure. He's just too much of a thick-headed twat to do anything about it."

Remus nodded, face still buried in James' shoulder, tears still flowing thick and fast. "He's s-so angry though. He 's s-sick of me. I'm just useless. I don't know what he - I don't even... I don't know how to fix all this. I want to, god... I just want to make things right again. More than anything."

"I know." James sighed, stroking Remus' back comfortingly. "It'll all work out eventually, I promise. It's just going to take time."

"Remus?" James and Remus both turned to see Sirius in the doorway, a terribly sad, shamed look on his face. "Remus... god, I'm so sorry. I don't know... I just don't know." A lone tear trickled down his refined cheek, pausing when it encountered the light stubble that had begun cropping up more and more frequently as of late.

"Come on, Sirius. We'll get that tea, and talk about this." James said, patting Remus encouragingly on the arm. "Now isn't a good time. Are you gonna be okay, Remus?"

Remus nodded. "I'm sorry too, Sirius." He croaked, tears glistening in his eyes.

"Come on, Padfoot." James sighed wearily, standing up and walking towards his best friend, who was wearing such a look of heartbreak at the sadness in Remus' voice that it was almost impossible for James to keep anything close to a level head. "We've got to talk."

"Can I just... talk to Remus for a second?" Sirius pleaded, wet eyes still locked on his prone friend.

"Not right now. Consider me an official spokesman on Remus' behalf. You two talking probably isn't the best idea right now." James said, looking to Remus for confirmation, which he got in the form of a choked nod. "Come on Sirius. We've got to sort all this out, and if you two try to do it in the emotional state you're in all that's going to happen is more yelling and more crying, which is exactly what we don't want."

Sirius nodded grimly, and allowed James to lead him out of the room, the two of them heading towards the kitchens.

"What exactly happened?" James asked, as they wound the various corridors that lead to the kitchen. "No self-blame, just facts?"

"I was looking for you, but you'd fucked off to Hogsmeade, so I asked Moony if he wanted to go join you, but he started going on about some paper he has due in two weeks, and I just... snapped. I screamed at him. God, I'm such a twat!" Sirius exclaimed, punching the stone wall again, yet more skin scraping from his already bloodied and bruised knuckles.

"Sirius, Sirius, come on. Calm down." James grabbed Sirius' lean arm, holding him back from punching the wall again and doing himself further damage. "It's not your fault. You're stressed about everything. Remus will understand, you know he's just so tired of this fighting thing. He's probably already forgiven you and blamed himself."

"No!" Sirius yelled suddenly, and James jumped back, surprised by the outburst. "He didn't do a thing. Not a thing. It's my fault. I'm an idiot. I have to go apologise for him." Sirius turned abruptly, marching straight back towards the common room.

"Sirius, wait!" James followed him, not so sure an apology scene when emotions were running this high was such a good idea...

* * *

"Remus?" Peter asked, shocked to see his friend sobbing in bed upon his return to the dorm. "What happened?" He hurried over, opening the pocket he was pretty sure he had filled with chocolate for his friend.

"I-I-I h-had a b-big fight w-with S-S-Sirius. It w-was the b-biggest one w-we've ever h-h-h-had." Sirius sniffled, struggling to inhale between sobs.

"Oh no, Remus!" Peter hopped onto the bed next to him, embracing Remus tightly. "He doesn't mean it, he just doesn't know what to do with you anymore."

"W-what do you muh-muh-mean?" Remus said, curiosity clearly piqued.

"Well he's obviously mad for you." Peter smiled soothingly. "Anyone with half an eye could see that. But he's so confused by it all, especially since you've pulled away because you don't want him to know how YOU feel, that the only thing he knows to do is lash out, because he resents that part of himself, and he doesn't want you finding out. He fights you because he doesn't want you to know just how affectionate he feels for you."

"Whuh?" Remus blinked, slowly taking in all Peter had said. "Where did you get all that from?"

"Just watching the two of you." Peter smiled, wiping a stray tear from Remus' cheek. "I've known since... maybe second year that you were gonna end up together someday. He adores you, Moony, he just isn't quite as comfortable with it as you are."

"Wow." Remus blinked, tears completely stopped, an expression of shock on his face. "How did you know all that?"

"It's obvious when you pay attention to people." Peter smiled. "I'm not as loud as James and Sirius, and they like you more than they like me, so you get included in their loudness, but I'm always sort of sitting in the background." There was a note of bitterness in Peter's voice, but his face seemed calm and accepting. "I'm used to it at this point. It gives me a lot of time to people watch. I know so much about you guys, just from watching."

"Wow." Remus said again. "Oh Peter, I'm sorry. You're always so quiet in comparison to Sirius and James, I didn't even realise you felt left out. I'm so sorry."

"I'm used to it. I'm just kind of happy to have you guys in my life at all." Peter smiled. "You all underestimate me a lot. It's kind of like having a secret."

"I get you." Remus smiled, and Peter smiled back.

"There it is. Come on, have some chocolate. Sirius will probably be back to apologise soon, and in the mean time we can bitch about him and get fat." Peter smiled, and Remus gave a wet giggle.

"Are you sure _you're_ not the gay one?" Remus asked, taking a piece of chocolate gratefully.

Peter chuckled. "Absolutely sure. I'll leave all the 'um err-ing' men to you, thanks."

Remus giggled again, and his face pinkened. "That wasn't even a thing. I was so drunk. I barely remember it. Sirius got me smashed, and then he left and I was all alone, and Terry started drinking with me, and it's all sort of a blur after that." He rubbed his face, and reached for another chocolate.

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with that. Hell, there are probably people at this school who would kill to have had something like that. Terry's the only out guy at school, right?" Peter asked, unwrapping a BubbleBerry Pop for himself.

"He's not really out... people he knows know, and he doesn't try to hide it, but he doesn't flounce around the school in a rainbow speedo." Remus shrugged. "I'm jealous of how comfortable he is with it though. He just talks about stuff. He called me queenie once, like it was no big deal. After we... er... you know... he came up to the common room and sent up for me so he could apologise. It was really sweet."

"That's decent of him." Peter smiled. "What a gentleman."

Remus nodded. "He said he was really sorry for seducing me, and asked if I was even gay at all, or if it had just been one of those drunk things, and we got talking, and he said he didn't want a relationship or any of that stuff, it had just happened, and yeah. He was really nice and apologetic about the whole thing, and after that we just started talking about gay stuff every so often. I've never told him about Sirius though, I've always thought it would be sort of awkward."

Peter nodded. "Probably, since this guy was your first... whatever 'um er' actually means. What does he think about you being in the closet?"

"He's cool with it, but he doesn't really see why. He doesn't know about my furry little problem obviously, so he doesn't really get why I'm so secretive about everything." Remus said, around a mouthful of chocolate. "It just kind of becomes a habit after a while."

"Remus!" A voice from behind the closed door, immediately followed by the opening of said door, caused both heads to turn quickly, Remus hurriedly wiping the chocolate smears from his lips and swallowing his mouthful.

"Sirius, just leave him!" James panted, catching up with his friend, puffing with the effort of the run.

"It's okay, James. Peter cheered me up." Remus said, though his strained voice was anything but cheery. "We need to talk about this, anyway. Thanks guys."

"Are you gonna be alright, Remus?" Peter asked, standing up, a worried look on his face.

"Yeah, we have to just sort this whole mess out. I'll remember what you told me." He smiled wearily, and Peter nodded, heading for the door, and shutting it behind him to the protests of an overprotective James, leaving Sirius and Remus starkly alone, with nothing but a roaring silence.

"I'm sorry." Sirius' voice was so quiet and pathetic, that Remus didn't even hear it at first. When he did he looked up from fiddling with the scars on his hands to see the utterly devastated look on his love's face, Sirius staring down at the floor, long hair falling all about his head.

"It's alright, Sirius, but we need to actually talk about it. I've been talking to James a lot, and he said he talked to you, and you want to end all this stupid fighting rubbish as much as I do, so we need to talk about _why_ we're fighting so much." Remus said, trying to remember Peter's assured tone when he spoke about Sirius' feelings, and using it to hearten himself.

"I don't even know why." Sirius sighed, walking over to his bed and sinking onto it, trembling so strongly Remus could see it from across the room, the normally cosy dorm feeling more like a gaping chasm right now. "I'm just... so scratchy. I don't know why... Moony, I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry too, Sirius. I really am." Remus half-smiled. "But I only know what I'm going through, and my reasons from this end. I don't know what you're going through, and that's why we need to sit down and figure this out. I know I've been distancing myself this year, and there's a lot of stuff I just haven't told you, and that's why I think you've been pushing back so much - I'm pulling away, when we used to be so close, and it's putting pressure on our friendship."

Sirius nodded, the look on his face as though he were just realising this for the first time, which of course he was. "I guess. But why? Why have you been pulling away? It can't just be the exam stuff, we've been drifting since the start of the year."

"Like I said, there's stuff I haven't told you. I've been... changing a lot. Figuring things out." Remus sighed, a strange hollow feeling in his chest, terror and adrenaline rushing through his veins.

"Like what?" Sirius asked, clearly hooked on Remus' every word.

"Well." Remus took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and thought a tiny prayer for courage. "You heard from James, I... I lost my v-virginity back at Halloween. Everything since then has been k-kind of crazy." Remus was shaking so much his voice gained a trembling stammer. "I-I... Sirius, I... god, this is so hard to say. Please, just hear me out, and don't say anything or yell or leave or move or anything just... please." Remus' eyes were locked on his hands as he tried to build up the courage to speak. "I'm gay." The words seemed to echo in the thick silence, and Remus was unable to follow them up for several seconds, merely shaking and swallowing nervously, mouth dry and clammy. "I... I figured it out last year, and at Halloween after you left I... I slept with Terry Ball. I d-didn't know how to tell any of you, but Peter and J-James accidentally read my diary and figured it out, and they said I should t-tell you, but I've been trying so hard all y-year to keep it secret, and I just couldn't do it so I've been av-voiding you all year so this wouldn't happen, but h-here we are anyway, and I just hope you don't hate me now." Remus didn't dare look up to find out what expression Sirius was wearing, no matter how much he wanted to, instead he just sat and shook and slowly ran a nail up and down the deepest scar on his left hand.

"Oh." Sirius breathed, and Remus could _hear_ him chewing his lip the way he did when he was searching for words or courage. "Oh. Wow. Moony, I had no idea." Sirius' voice was as shaky as Remus', if not more. "It's not - it doesn't change a thing. I promise. I'm... I'm not going to hate you over this. Of course not. It doesn't matter at all. I just... miss you."

Remus chanced a look up at last, and saw the mixed look of concern and caring and surprise and love on Sirius' face, and couldn't help the tears that found their way to his eyes. "Sirius, I... thank you. Thank you."

Remus barely even saw Sirius moving, and then he was by his side, and they were both hugging and shaking and crying, and Remus wasn't really sure why Sirius was crying, but it didn't matter because he may not have actually told Sirius how he felt, but he had finally, finally, FINALLY made that first terrifying step, and everything was going to be okay.

* * *

The amount of drama going on right now was enough to make ANYONE'S head spin, and Peter was incredibly glad that everyone had finally gone off to bed, and everything was quiet and safe. He could hear James' trademark snoring, the sniffling and whimpers that meant Sirius was having a bad dream again, and the occasional sleep sighs Remus would let out every ten minutes or so, accompanied by a shifting of blankets, and the occasional tired snuffling.

After a quick silencing charm, Peter deemed it safe to review the diary once more, although after today's big drama he felt worse about it, even though everything was out on the table now. He just... had to know now. He didn't even know why, he just had to.

Skimming to a random page, Peter started reading, trying to pick up on what part of the year it was from.

_I'm so confused._

_Sirius and I keep fighting all the time. Every time I see him I get this flash-memory of every single thing I love about him, and every reason I just want to be with him for the rest of my life, but then we start yelling and snapping, and I go right back to 'why do I even bother with this man?'_

_I had a picnic with Terry and his friends today. They're super nice, and they teased Terry about being gay, but in a nice way, and we all laughed along. Terry promised they don't know about me, but it was still a bit intimidating. I had a really great time though, everything is just... easier, with Terry. Nothing is ever a big deal, ever. He's so relaxed, we all just hung about and talked about school stuff and made fun of each other and ate, and it was really lovely._

_In the middle of a huge massive Potions essay right now, urgh. Sirius is going to copy mine, I just know it. It bothers me that he doesn't take OWL year seriously. It's only the rest of our lives that we're talking about, no big deal._

_And then I see him joking with James, and he does that smile, and I melt all over again._

_Melt?_

_I blame Terry._

_Stupid Terry._

_I don't know why he's not awkward around me at all, I'm always so uncomfortable when he's about. What happened on Halloween changed everything for me, and it's like it didn't matter to him at all... I don't know. Maybe he does that a lot. Maybe he's just one of those people like Sirius who are never uncomfortable with anything. I don't know, but it's pretty offputting, and I'm almost jealous in a way. I want to live like_ _that, just being myself, not having to worry about people being scared, or disgusted, or angry. I'm so sick of living in this little bubble of secrets, but I can't do anything about it. I can't do ANYTHING. I have too many secrets, and even if I just came out of the closet, it'd only be a matter of time before being in the public eye pushed the werewolf thing out, and then everything would be completely ruined forever._

_I'm sick and tired of all this hiding. I just want to be able to be myself, all the time, and not have to worry about people finding out this, or being scared of that._

_It's not even the transformations that bother me anymore. It's the box they trap me in._


	5. From The Other Side

A/N: Wow. I was NOT planning on going this long between chapters. Sorry guys! It's been holidays and all, and I've been spending a lot of time with my partner and my family and everything, as well as four months in and out of doctors offices (OFFICIALLY SICK OF BLOOD TESTS FOREVER) and computers have kind of taken a back seat. Sorry again, I'll try my best to avoid a repeat. Next chapter is almost finished, will do my best to post it next week!

Also; OH MY GOD uuuggghhhh this story is becoming way more cathartic than I originally intended SOZ LOL

ALSO ALSO if you have any sympathy left towards me as an author at the end of this chapter you will have NONE by the end of the next chapter. I am unreasonably cruel to these boys, and things are going to get WORSE before they get better.

Warning: Slash, swearing, and KISSIN' OH MY GOD AT LAST. If you follow me on twitter you'll know I've been hinting for the last few days about a mystery kiss. Well... mystery solved.

Disclaimer: I am poor and kinda crap at writing anyway so I don't even know WHY you'd bother suing me. Jus' sayin'.

**The Wooing Of Sirius Black**

When Sirius woke up on Friday morning, he had a splitting migraine from tears. He couldn't remember a more emotional day of his life than yesterday. Remus was gay.

The thought kept running through his head, like a stuck tune. Remus was gay. Remus. Gay. RemusGay.

After going to bed, Sirius had rewritten the letter he had promised James, and cried quite a lot. It was overwhelming.

The one thing Sirius really regretted, more even than the stupid argument, was that when Remus finally shared the heavy secret he had been carrying around all year, Sirius simply hadn't been able to share his own. It was just... too hard to say. He found himself looking up to Remus more than ever, not only for having the guts to bear something so difficult every day and deal with it on his own, but for how comfortable he seemed with the knowledge. Once all the crying and hugging had ended, they had talked a bit more about how Remus figured it out, and his experiences and conversations with Terry, and the ease with which Remus discussed it once everything was out in the open frankly astounded Sirius. It was simply another part of him, no more or less important or scandalous than any other part. Sirius couldn't even imagine simply being so upfront about something so big and so controversial, but Remus seemed completely fine with it, and from what he'd said, it was mainly due to Terry's influence, though Sirius still saw it as just another thing about Remus to be admired.

Sirius was also surprised about Terry. He had honestly thought the guy was just a bit of a moron who didn't really know what he was talking about. All of the gay people Sirius had known hadn't shown the slightest signs of... poofiness, but Terry was poofy and effeminate and he was apparently completely fine with everything.

And Remus had slept with Terry.

That was the one point where Sirius' mind kept getting stuck and he couldn't quite think about it, simply because the idea was confusing, kind of weird, and obscene in a strange way all at once. The idea of Remus having sex at all was simply... weird. Despite his ruminations on Remus over the years, Sirius had never really pictured him actually having sex before, and now that he knew it had happened, and who with, and how it had gone, everything was different, and Sirius' mental picture suddenly became graphic and frankly, rather terrifying. Remus having sex with Terry was not something he particularly wanted to think about, and yet in the end it was all he could think about, because no matter where in the day his train of thought began, it would always end up stuck there, explicit visions of Remus in various erotic situations flashing through his imagination, each one a little bit more painful than the last.

Deciding that he had to do anything, anything, _anything_ to snap himself out of this, Sirius dragged himself out of his bed, the first one up for once, and although he could hear Peter's squeaking little snores, and James' booming ones, there wasn't a sound from Remus' bed, which meant he was clearly awake.

"Knock knock." Sirius whispered, rapping playfully on the curtains of Remus' bed.

"Who's there?" Remus responded, and Sirius grinned, pleased beyond words to see the Remus he missed making an unexpected return.

"Padfoot." Sirius responded, suddenly unable to even remember any good knock knock jokes, he was so pleased.

"Padfoot who?" He could hear the smile in Remus' voice, and unable to think of an alternative, Sirius cast a quick silencing charm on Remus' bed so as not to disturb the others, before transforming and diving onto his startled friend, licking Remus' face enthusiastically.

"Ack! Ick! Padfoot, Padfoot, augh! I've only just woken up, don't slobber all-EW! Don't lick my mouth! God, you're disgusting!" Remus yelled playfully, and Sirius relented, sitting on Remus' knees and grinning his doggy grin, panting happily.

"Yes, yes, good morning Padfoot." Remus sighed in mock weariness, reaching out to pat Sirius and scratch behind his ears. Only Remus could ever reach his special scratchy spot, and Sirius' panting sped up, interspersed with the odd yip of joy.

"There you are, Paddy. Now could you change back? I want to say good morning to Sirius."

Sirius obliged, shifting off Remus' lap while he changed to avoid potential awkwardness, shaking his mane of hair joyfully, once he had fully regained his own head.

"Good morning, Moony." Sirius smiled, kneeling by Remus' lap.

"Good morning, Padfoot." Remus smiled back, hair a complete mess, pyjamas coming scandalously unbuttoned. "Couldn't sleep either?"

"Not really." Sirius admitted. "I keep thinking about everything."

"Me too." Remus agreed, smiling wearily. "I still can't quite believe I told you everything. I've been worrying about your reaction for so long."

"Moony, the only thing you could ever do to make me angry is make me think you don't want me around anymore. I promise. I've been a total idiot this year, and it's all my own stupid fault." Sirius sighed, biting his abused lip for comfort.

"No it's not. I told you. I pulled away, because I was afraid and didn't know how to tell you anything, which makes me a total wanker, and it's only natural that you'd push back. All is forgiven." Remus smiled that special smile, casually buttoning up his top.

"I still feel like a twat. Wanna go get breakfast before these two cunts wake up?" Sirius grinned, and Remus smiled back.

"Sure thing." He said, yawning and stretching away the last traces of tiredness from his face. Sirius shuffled off the bed, dissolving the silencing charm, and wandered over to his trunk, searching idly for a clean shirt.

After dressing in uncomfortable silence, each facing the wall, the two headed downstairs, easy conversation flowing between them for the first time in months, and Sirius could not have been happier about it.

They deliberately avoided any heavy topics, instead joking about everything and anything like the old days - they made fun of Professor Slughorn's new toupee ("It looks like a purplish hampster took a nap on his head!" "Remus! I never knew you were so catty!" "Keep your bloody voice down, Sirius!" "Oh relax, there's nobody around.") Sirius made Remus almost wet himself with laughter when he improvised a conversation between two distant First-Years. ("No, I look like more of a swotty git!" "Suh... Sirius - ahahah - please - hahaha - I'm a p-PREFECT" "Oh yeah? Well I'M more of a speccy twit!" "AHAHAHHAHA" "Oi, keep it down, Moony. What's gotten into you? You're a p-p-prefect, for Merlin's sakes!") and Sirius was unable to contain his laughter when Remus caught Peeves stuffing gum into a keyhole, and made the gum fly up into his nose. ("RIGHT UP IN HIS NOSE!" "Come on Sirius, there won't be any food left by the time we get to breakfast!" "IT WENT IN HIS NOSE, REMUS! IN HIS NOSE! Have I ever told you I worship you?")

By the time the pair reached the breakfast hall it was as though the entire last year of fights had simply never happened, and everything was as it should be in Marauder land once more.

"Good Morrow, my fair Lupin!" Terry gestured as they passed him and his friends on the way to the Gryffindor table, and Remus smiled and waved back.  
"G'morning, Terry." He said in a casual voice.

"So that's the guy you banged?" Sirius asked in an undertone, but despite his secretivity, Remus jumped, alarmed.

"Sirius! We're in the Great Hall, for Merlin's sakes! Keep your bloody voice down!" He hissed, looking around.

"Nobody heard, Remus." Sirius smirked teasingly.

"Well... yes. That's Terry. Like I said, we're just friends now. He's really great... he never tries to hide. I'm so jealous." Remus sighed, glancing wistfully at Terry.

"You don't have to hide, Remus." Sirius found himself speaking in a soothing tone, without even realising the words were coming out, so fixated was he on Remus' look in Terry's direction. "We all love you no matter what, and I'm sure nobody would make a big fuss. Everyone's just going to admire your courage."  
"Maybe." Remus sighed, as the pair sat down in their usual seats. "But if I came out and became 'that gay guy', even if nobody cared, people would watch me more closely. It'd only be a matter of time before my 'Furry Little Problem' came out, and then I'd be in real trouble. I've survived school this long by blending into the wallpaper as much as possible, though god knows you and James do your best to undermine my every effort. Besides, the people I care about know. That's all that really matters in the end."

"Fair enough." Sirius nodded, reaching for the scrambled eggs. "So... uh... Terry Ball's actually gay, huh?"  
"Pretty sure he is." Remus nodded, wearing a sly expression as he reached for the bacon. "If not, alcohol has a lot more to answer for than it already did."

Sirius chuckled, ignoring the wave of emotion that rushed over him at the mere mention of that incident. "Sorry about that night, by the way. I didn't mean to ditch you, it just, sort of... happened. You know how it is."  
"Sirius, remember who you're talking to." Remus eyed Sirius. "But it's okay. I'm pretty sure I'd still be wallowing in despair, venting only to my diary in the dead of night were it not for Halloween. It helped more than you can possibly imagine."

"In that case, I choose to paint myself as the dashing and brilliant hero of this piece." Sirius smiled jovially.

"Paint away." Remus grinned, slicing his bacon neatly. "As long as I don't have to be some kind of damsel in distress. Not all stereotypes are good stereotypes."

"Uh... hey, guys." Remus and Sirius both looked up at the sound of Peter awkwardly entering the conversation. He and James were both standing sheepishly to the side, unsure whether or not it was safe to enter the conversation.

"It's okay, guys." Remus smiled. "Everything's fine again."

"Well, good then." James said goofily, with a brilliant smile, and plopped firmly down into his usual seat next to Sirius, Peter taking the spot next to Remus. "Glad we got all this nonsense sorted out."  
"Me too." Sirius smiled, feeling warmer and happier than he had in a long time.

* * *

_**So, you did it with Terry, eh?**_ Bored in class, and still unable to wipe that picture from his mind, Sirius decided passing notes seemed like the most casual way to bring up the subject. Remus had been the first person Sirius told when he lost his virginity last year - before James even, and he was somewhat hurt that he hadn't even made up some lie about a girl to tell him.

_Kind of._ The response was almost immediate and incredibly infuriating. Kind of? What bloody kind of answer was kind of? Sirius frowned, scrawling a response quickly, trying to keep the anger out of his handwriting.

_**What does 'kind of' mean?**_

_Kind of means kind of. I keep changing my mind about whether I count it or not._

_**What in the name of Merlin's shrivelled cobwebby balls does that mean?**_

_It's... hard to explain. You know there are different degrees of naked activities._

The gap before 'naked activities' was just plain adorable. _**So... what, you just got a BJ?**_

_SIRIUS! No! We just... eurgh. It was just a bit of touching, okay? Nothing hugely serious. Like I said, I don't even know if I count it._

Sirius could see the back of Remus' head was shaking slightly, a sure sign that he was tremendously uncomfortable right about now.

_**Aww. That's actually kind of adorable. Moony woony got a handy-wandy.**_

_Shut up, Sirius. I was drunk, it was months ago, it was stupid, leave me alone.  
__**NEVER.**_

_You suck_

_**Kinda thought that was your area of expertise.**_

_SIRIUS ORION BLACK THAT IS DISGUSTING_

_**I'm not the one who got it off with some bloke while I was drunk**_

_No, you lost your virginity in a closet when you were fourteen. Explain how that's better._

_**Haha hey we were both in closets**_

_You're thick sometimes._

_**Thank you.**_

_I wasn't referring to your pants._

_**You know me so well, Moony. How about a kiss?**_

_Piss off._

_**I'm offended! **_

_Good. That was the point._

_**Sure you weren't referring to my pants?**_

_Positive._

_**Referring to Terry BALL's pants then?**_

_Go away, Sirius. So help me, I will beat you senseless._

_**I'd like to see you try!**_

_You know I'm stronger than you._

_**But I'm manlier than you!**_

_Was that a gay joke or a reference to your non-beard?_

_**Both.**_

_Good that we understand each other on these matters then._

_**Good.**_

_Good._

_**You're good.**_

_So help me if your next note says 'in bed' I will end your life_

_**In bed.**_

_SHUT UP SIRIUS._

_**I didn't say a word!**_

_You know what I mean._

Sirius' quill was poised to write a sassy response when the bell rang, and the student body as a whole started packing up their things and traversing the halls to their next class. Sirius was unable to suppress a goofy grin. He had forgotten how much he loved his banter with Remus during class.

"You realise I got no notes taken whatsoever thanks to you." Remus turned in his seat, eyeing Sirius.

"Worth it." Sirius smiled, leaning back, feet on his desk.

"Say that again when this comes up on the OWLs and you don't have a bloody clue what it's about." Remus sighed, picking up his bag and standing up to shove Sirius' feet off the desk lightly. "Come on, we've got a free. Got any plans?"  
"I was kind of considering climbing Everest, but since you put it that way, I'd rather hang out." Sirius grinned blindingly, scooping up his bag and hopping to his feet in one suave movement. He didn't even remember the last time he felt this fantastic; this much like himself. "Kitchen trip?"

"Better not, we don't want it to be too suspicious when we go tonight." Remus reminded him, and Sirius' mind lit up in delight at the forgotten prank.

"Oh yeah! Brilliant! Remus, you are my hero. This is going to be brilliant." He beamed, filled with excitement anew.

"Absolutely." Remus grinned, as the pair headed out into the hall. They passed Terry Ball, who greeted Remus amiably, and Sirius waited awkwardly while they exchanged brief pleasantries.

"How can you just be so casual with that guy?" Sirius asked, once they had bid Terry farewell and by some unspoken agreement headed up towards their dorm. "It's just... weird."

"Not really. But kind of." Remus contradicted himself, a puzzled expression on his face. "It's hard to explain. Terry's really nice, it was never really awkward talking to him after... you know. But every so often it just crosses my mind that he knows what I look like naked and I get all flustered and have to go away for a while."

"Not like it's a huge deal, I suppose." Sirius shrugged, shifting his slipping bag on his shoulder. "I mean, I know what you look like naked. So do James and Peter. Bodies are just bodies."

"Yeah, but it's different with... you know. _Sexual_ matters." The way Remus whispered the word sexual as though it were somehow rude reminded Sirius just how young he could be sometimes, and he had to suppress a grin.

"Yeah, I know. Still. When you think about it, over a quarter of the guys in our year know what you look like naked." Sirius tried to be comforting, but the words sounded about a thousand times worse out loud, and he frowned apologetically. "That was comforting in my head."

"I'm sure it was." Remus said, patting Sirius' arm consolingly. Sirius tried to ignore his skin burning from the contact.

* * *

The night of the prank had arrived, and the renewed harmony in the Marauder group made everything seem even juicier than usual. None of the boys could help from giggling and nudging each other as they prepared, checking the map and getting James' invisibility cloak ready, Peter muttering the charm over and over to himself.

"I think we're ready as we're going to be." James sighed, tucking his wand into his pocket and fidgeting with his sleeves in a nervous excited habit he had had since first year. "Better head out before it's too late."

"Right." Peter breathed. His voice always got higher and breathier when he was nervous. He had never really gotten the hang of pranking, as exciting as he found it all. "Let's go."

Sirius was the only one who had never found pranking nerve-wracking and he and James kept them all talking and laughing naturally the way down to the kitchens, only becoming quiet when they reached the abandoned corridor containing the painting of fruit. They tucked themselves all under the cloak, taking care to make sure all of their feet were covered before Sirius, breathing deeply, reached out a long hand and tickled the pear, drawing back quickly as the painting opened. Peeves regularly harassed the House Elves by opening their door for no reason, so they hardly looked up when it swung open with noone there. The Marauders slipped inside just before a particularly elderly and bent House Elf left it's post briefly to close the portrait before returning wearily to the bench.

"Ready?" Sirius mouthed, and after brisk, businesslike nods from everyone they all raised their wands and pointed them at the food, barely breathing the screaming hex in order to remain undetected. It took seconds, and then they were hurrying out the door and down the corridor, waiting until they were well out of the way before James pulled off the cloak.

"Oh my god!" Peter breathed, laughing with elation. "I forgot how good that feels!"

"You can say that again!" Remus grinned, and Sirius couldn't remember the last time he saw him look this alive.

"C'mon. Let's get up to the Great Hall. Race you!" Not wanting the adrenaline to end anytime soon, Sirius started them all running despite knowing the inevitable, and sure enough, Remus' back disappeared quickly... damn werewolf speed. Sirius couldn't keep pace with James' natural athleticism for long, and the three of them formed a kind of Marauder worm sprinting through the corridors; first James, barely panting as his muscles carried him easily from room to room, then Sirius, lean frame bred for an aristocratic life of lounging around but quidditch muscles helping him keep up a reasonable pace, and lastly Peter, who was never destined for a life of running about.

Sirius felt better than he had in months, air running through the locks of his fast-growing hair, excited laughs and whoops of his best friends filling the air around him, a prank in his heart, and Remus not too far ahead, ready to bathe in the fun by his side once more. Everything was right with the world at last.

Sirius collided painfully with James' well built back, as he rounded a corner. James appeared to have frozen in shock, and Sirius realised why the second his eyes adjusted to not running anymore.

Remus was pressed up against a wall, being well and thoroughly snogged by Terry Ball. It was hard to tell exactly where one of the identically robed boys ended and the other began. Remus must have heard the gasps from his friends because he pulled away from Terry, face flushed and lips plump, turning to look down the corridor with a vaguely stunned expression on his face.

With that, Sirius could no longer fight the tears and nausea battling it over in his body for most imminent release of fluids, and tore himself away from the sight of Remus so thoroughly dishevelled with someone he clearly felt strongly about. Running back down the corridor and taking a long route, he headed up to the dorm, prank forgotten in a mental storm of jealousy and betrayal.

"Sirius, wait!" James called out, having caught up to his distraught friend almost effortlessly. "Please, Sirius. Stop. Talk to me."

"No." Sirius choked around the lump in his throat, becoming suddenly aware that his face was wet and there were droplets fast leaking into his hair and tangling it. "Fuck off, James."

"No, Sirius, please. We need to talk." James said desperately, catching up to Sirius despite his best efforts. It didn't help that Sirius felt as though all of his limbs had turned to jelly, and his blood had filled with corrosive acid.

"NO!" Sirius stopped abruptly, swivelling to face James, fire in his eyes despite the tears still flowing. "I am so fucking SICK of you meddling in this! All you ever FUCKING do is make things worse! Things between me and Remus are NONE of your FUCKING business, so why can't you just keep your big FUCKING nose out!" He roared, savagely satisfied by the crumpling on James' face, the hint of tears threatening his normally composed demeanour. Sirius turned from James unhindered and continued to run, gasping for breath around the lump in his throat, all the way up to the dorm, distant screams echoing from the Great Hall the perfect backdrop for his painful escape.

* * *

"Sirius, please... I can explain..."

"Fuck off." Sirius growled at the pathetic voice outside the drawn curtains of his bed. "There's nothing to explain. I hope you and your boyfriend are happy."

"He's not my-"

"Moony, just leave it." James' muted, thick voice was at odds with the high, pleading tone to Remus' speech, but he seemed to listen, as all fell silent and dark in the Gryffindor 5th year boys dorm, the quietest and tensest the air had ever been in all the time the current occupants had been there. Sirius tuned out the muffled sound of James and Remus talking on one of the other beds, but then they fell silent, and Sirius was finally, blissfully alone with his thoughts.

He had been fighting his feelings for years, it hadn't been until early fourth year, after a clumsy loss of virginity in an uncomfortable closet, that Sirius had even admitted to himself that things may have been different to how he had originally percieved them. A few months of vehement denial after that, Sirius had finally admitted to himself that no woman would ever be exactly right for him, and indeed, the only person that _did_ seem exactly right for him happened to be one Remus John Lupin. And he had dealt with it. Sure, he'd never ever ever be able to tell anyone, ever, and he was destined to die unhappy and without ever knowing true love, but he could deal with it, no problem.

Until last night.

Hope was not a feeling Sirius had experienced for a very long time, but at last, for once things seemed to be going his way. He really, truly had a chance to find the kind of happiness Alphard and Thomas had found with each other, more than he had ever hoped for in his entire life.

And now this. It was all over, and Sirius had never felt quite so crushed in his life. And at the same time he had to listen to a horrible little logical voice telling him to shut up; Remus had every right to be with Terry. Just becase he was gay, it certainly didn't mean Remus was the slightest, tiniest bit interested in Sirius, nor did it mean that they would actually be compatible if they ever did get together. It wasn't the ultimate happily-ever-after answer to everything. Remus had every fucking right to be happy with Terry. No matter how many times Sirius told himself that, it never got any easier. Never hurt any less. His entire chest felt like it was on fire, and he felt like there was a tornado of sickness and rage and self-loathing turning his stomach, like there was boiling acid scalding and melting his veins until none of his body parts were the right shape anymore, and Sirius found himself wishing that his outside were warped and burned, so that it would at least match the scorching misery inside. It seemed wrong that he still had arms and legs and a torso. Just... wrong.

Sirius tried to pick up quill and paper, just to write out the worst of the feelings so he could at least try to catch his breath again but nothing worked, so he simply pressed his face to the pillow, and cried bitterly until he fell into an angry, tossing sleep.

* * *

_James_

_You know better than anyone that saying important things out loud isn't easy for me. I can't just open my mouth and say them, there's something there stopping them from coming out right, or at all. I don't understand how Remus does it._

_I've changed this letter since what he told me last night, but the gist of the thing is the same._

_I'm pretty sure I've been in love with Remus since the moment I saw him._

_I never told anyone, because I always thought you guys would just take the piss out of me, and Remus would never even look at me again if it got back to him. (Which it would have.) I never even imagined I'd have this kind of chance with him. It's unbelievable. I feel like my heart is flying. And I've got you to thank for it, I guess. I doubt he ever would have told me if you hadn't convinced him I'd be fine with it. _

_Thank you, thank you, thank you._

_Now please burn this note so nobody ever finds it._

_-Sirius_

James Potter clapped a hand to his mouth, fighting back more tears that eventually joined the others he had cried after the hallway, before his eventful conversation with Remus. "Oh god..." He breathed, then frowned. With an aggressive gesture he tore the note in two, balling up the parts and hiding them under his pillow. Remus could never, ever know.


	6. James Potter, Life Ruiner

A/N: Trying to get back to some kind of normalcy when it comes to updates... fuck erratic update schedules! And yes, I realise these guys cry a lot for guys. Um. Shut up. That's my excuse. Yup. #sloppywriter

ALSO; before I start this chapter... I know that as we know him, Remus is quite assertive when it comes to what's right and wrong, and never docile when confronted with new situations. I'm writing those as _learned_ traits though, so Remus will come into those parts of his personality over the course of the rest of this fic. _Yes_, he seems OOC and _yes_, it is intentional. You don't need to complain to me.

Warning: ERRBODY KISSIN' UP IN HURR. Also swearing, and... well, if you hadn't figured out that this is a gay fic by now just... turn around and leave.

Disclaimer: Please do not sue me. If I couldn't write this shit about other people's characters I would probably just curl up and die.

Oh, and errbody say hi to my mum, who's reading this story. Hi mummy!

**The Wooing of Sirius Black**

Naturally running faster than the others (yet another exciting perk of lycanthropy) Remus found himself in a corridor by himself pretty quickly. A grin plastered itself across his face at the thought of him teasing Sirius about having beaten him there, and everything being just like the old days all over again.

Remus was so busy basking in his impending victory that he didn't see Terry rounding a corner until they had collided hard, sending both boys clattering to the floor.

"Oooph! What's the ru-Remus?" Terry grunted, a nervous smile crossing his face once he recognised his assailant. "Where're you off to in such a hurry?"

"Oh... uh... we were having a race to dinner. I'm winning." He said, embarrassed at the lame excuse.

"Right. Marauder business?" Terry asked, tapping his nose secretively, and Remus nodded, relieved that one of his very few friends outside the Marauder group understood the importance of Marauder Business.

"Top secret." Remus nodded seriously, getting to his feet and helping Terry up.

"Thanks. Listen, Remus... I've been wanting to talk to you about something." Terry's face was twisted into a nervous expression and Remus suddenly found himself nervous, and wasn't really sure why.

"Go ahead..." Remus forgot all about the prank at once, so caught up in wondering what Terry would want to talk to him about.

"Look... I... I've been trying to kind of... drop hints, but I'm obviously not very good at it." Terry smiled embarrassedly, running a hand through his blond hair. "I guess I'll just say it... I like you. A lot. I haven't been able to get you out of my mind since Halloween, Remus. You're so sweet and funny and lovely, and I just... I really, really like you." This was the most uncomfortable Remus had ever seen Terry in his life, and he found himself completely and utterly lost for words.

"Terry, I-" Remus struggled to find the best way to possibly answer this. He felt that in some strange, stupid way him having come out to Sirius meant he had more of a chance, even though it meant nothing different whatsoever, though on the other side was an inner voice Remus had never even heard before, muttering '_Terry's nice, Terry's gorgeous, you like Terry. He's fun, and he's not afraid of anything. Terry would be great for you. You know he's a great kisser..._'

It was as though Terry had tuned in to this new conflicting train of thought, for Remus didn't even really realise he had moved until he felt Terry's warm, firm lips on his, soft and sweet, just the way he vaguely remembered them from that drunken night, and Remus found himself kissing back, the same as he had done that night so many months ago. Terry took this as some sort of answer, because his arms wound themselves around Remus, caressing his back lovingly, before Terry took a step forwards, forcing Remus to take one back, which pushed him right up against the wall, lips still locked, brain not having quite caught up with what was happening yet.

One of Terry's hands was in Remus' hair, and one found its way teasingly onto his hip, and a small, nimble tongue had just announced its presence when the thumping of footsteps, and a collection of astonished gasps woke Remus up, and he pulled away, turning to see James, Peter, and Sirius gathered at the end of the corridor, each wearing his own expression of shock, and a certain amount of betrayal.

"I..." Was as far as Remus could get, before betrayal overtook shock as Sirius' prime expression and he turned, running in the opposite direction, towards the Gryffindor common room.

"What the HELL, Remus?" James exclaimed, turning to follow Sirius, and hopefully ease his temper.

"I didn't... I mean..." Remus stammered, totally unable to even process what had happened.

"Oh god. You and Sirius... you're together, aren't you? Why didn't you tell me? God, Remus, I'm so sorry." Terry babbled, tears in his wide eyes, hands over his mouth in a shocked gesture. "I didn't mean... I didn't know..."

"We're not." Remus shook his head, still staring down the corridor towards where Sirius had been standing. "I think... I think we were going to be. But not yet. Oh god... Sirius..." At once, the enormous significance of what had happened sunk in, and Remus crumpled at the knees, tears springing to his eyes. Remus would have fallen to the floor, if Terry hadn't been quick, catching him under the elbows and holding him up.

"Remus... god, I'm so sorry." Terry pleaded softly, a look of anguish on his face, but Remus was both blind and deaf to him, in a total state of shock. Peter rushed over from the corner, helping Terry settle Remus in a sitting position, leaned against the wall.

"Do you have ANY idea what you've done?" Peter said angrily, arms protectively around Remus, looking angrily up at Terry. "It's taken us bloody MONTHS to fix this, and you might have just burned the bridge between them for good." Peter was rarely this assertive, and when he was, it was a sight to behold.

"I didn't... I didn't know. He never told me anything... I thought he just hadn't picked up on any of my signals." Terry said, voice still totally shocked.

"You didn't know." Remus choked, eyes still somewhere else entirely. "Just... just go, Terry. Please."

"I... okay. Fuck, Remus, I'm so sorry." Terry sighed, and then he was gone, hunching off towards the Hufflepuff dorms.

"Remus, come on. Talk to me. What happened?" Peter asked, wiping Remus' face and holding him carefully, trying to break him out of his shock without jarring him too much.

"He just... he just kissed me. I wasn't expecting it at all." Remus sat up, blinking his eyes back into the real world, tears slowly stopping. "He just... stopped me, and said something about liking me, and then he kissed me. Oh my god, Terry _likes_ me. Christ."

"Hey, don't worry. He seems like a good guy. I'm sure he'll respect your boundaries from here on out." Peter said soothingly, releasing Remus to stare straight into his eyes. "But do you know what else this taught us?" Remus shook his head, confused by Peter's cryptic speech. "Sirius likes you. Why else would he run off?"

"Sirius..." Remus paused, taking a moment to think this over. "Sirius. Oh my god. You're right." Neither of them reacted to a sudden outburst of screaming and chaos from the Great Hall, the outcome of their superb prank going unappreciated by the masterminds behind it.

"So, that's something. Once you've explained this, I'm sure things will be better. He loves you, I know it for sure now." Peter smiled comfortingly, and he was so kind that Remus couldn't help smiling too, despite everything.

"I suppose." Remus smiled back, and the two sat for some time, talking things over, to the background sounds of screaming food.

* * *

When Remus finally made it upstairs to the dorm to apologise and explain, James was nowhere to be seen, and Sirius was shut in his bed, angry sounds of sniffing and shuffling around clearly audible.

"Sirius, please... I can explain." Remus said awkwardly, so desperate to sort this all out, get back to that joyful normality he hadn't realised he missed until he had it.

"Fuck off." The growling voice startled Remus. He knew Sirius was angry, but he had no idea just how furious he was until he heard the bitterness in his voice. It seemed Peter was right... this was more than just a friendly reaction. "There's nothing to explain. I hope you and your boyfriend are happy."

This only made Remus more desperate to explain, so that Sirius could stop hurting. "He's not my-" Remus started, but was cut off mid sentence by James appearing in the door to the dorm.

"Moony, just leave it." He said thickly, as though he had a large lump in his throat. Remus fell silent at the look on James' puffy, miserable face. James gestured wordlessy, and the two of them shut themselves away quickly in Remus' bed, Remus desperate to know what Sirius had said to James to upset him so much. James Potter was not a boy who cried easily.

"What happened, James?" Remus asked, and James shook his head, rubbing his face tiredly.

"Sirius is really, really upset. Looks like we were right about him liking you. He had a go at me big time for getting involved in the first place. He's just been in his bed since. Won't say or listen to a bloody word." James rubbed his face, then paused to cast a silencing charm on the curtains of Remus' bed, just in case.

"What did he say to you?" Remus asked, worriedly. "It must have been bad."  
James shook his head again, face still in his hands. "He accused me of meddling, said I should keep my nose out of things between you. He's right. I got too involved, it's none of my business."

"It's okay, James." Remus smiled encouragingly, resting a gentle hand on his knee. "If you hadn't gotten involved, Sirius and I never would have gotten to a point where I'd be able to tell him, and I certainly wouldn't be as comfortable with myself as I am. I never thought I could be this happy, I really didn't."

"That's... thanks Moony." James looked up, an unfathomable expression on his face. "I feel like I'm overprotective though, and for all the wrong reasons."

"What do you mean?" Remus asked curiously, looking into James' brown eyes for answers.

James' answer certainly came, though not in the form of words, as Remus had expected. Slowly, with a swallow and a look of finally accepting something he had been fighting, James leaned forwards, touching a hesitant, shy kiss to Remus' lips. By this point, Remus was in such an utter kiss-shock that he simply accepted it, returning the kiss instinctually and not protesting when James put a hand on the back of his neck, adjusting his position slightly and twirling his rough fingers gently in the lowermost locks of his golden hair.

Remus was completely shocked into a docile state, and indeed it was James who finally ended the kiss, pulling back with a worried look on his face, and shyly withdrawing his hand, folding it awkwardly in his lap with his other one. Despite the startling quality of his evening, Remus couldn't help thinking it was quite the sweetest and most innocent kiss he had ever recieved in his life.

"S-sorry." James stammered, eyes locked on his lap. "I just... I don't know. You're lovely, Remus, and I feel like you need to be looked after. I don't... I'm not looking to go out or anything. I love Evans, you know that. I just... I don't know."

"Felt like experimenting?" Remus said in a decievingly mild tone that James saw right through.

"No! I know you're not some toy or something, I just... this isn't coming out right." James rubbed his forehead exasperatedly. "I guess I have like, a crush on you or something. Argh. This isn't making sense."

"No, I know exactly what you mean." Something had clicked in Remus' head, and he couldn't help smiling. "It's the same way I feel about Terry, pretty much. Like, but not love."

"Exactly." James smiled nervously, the expression looking wrong on his handsome face. "Bloody hell, I'm the last person I thought would be interested in a bloke."

"Have to say, you were bottom of my list as well." Remus smiled, and both of them chuckled awkwardly. There was a comfortably uncomfortable silence for a few seconds, then James spoke again.

"So... can I..." He leaned forward hesitantly, touching shy lips to Remus' again and Remus kissed him back, more willingly this time. Of all the people in his life, James wasn't who he would have chosen to be there in this situation, but he was gentle and kind, and Remus was comforted beyond words just to have someone there... after a day like today, Remus was willing to take comfort anywhere he could find it, even if a small voice in the back of his head was saying that this could only possibly make things worse.

James was less hesitant this time, leaning over Remus until eventually he was lying right on top of him on the comfortable blankets, careful to leave a safe distance between their bodies. Remus reached up to put one hand on the back of James' neck, drawing him in closer, his other hand resting gently on one of James' arms, which was busy holding up his weight. There was nothing overtly sexual about the kiss, it was simple comfort, and they both felt that they needed it.

After about half an hour of alternate kissing and talking, nothing much having been worked out, James left Remus' bed for his own, and Remus found himself alone, and lonely. His feelings towards James were complicated; before that evening he would have called it simple friendship, and now he still wasn't sure it was much more than that, but Remus had never realised just how nice it was to have someone to hold you and kiss you and say it was all going to be alright, and he was intensely grateful for the comforting presence.

Finding himself missing James, Remus tried to update his diary to distract himself, then gave up on summarising what felt like an impossibly long evening, and simply curled up to sleep, faces and lips swirling around his troubled dreams, the only lips he really wanted to be kissing forever out of reach.

* * *

The next morning Remus was woken up by James with a cup of tea and some chocolate. "Sirius is already gone." he explained, sitting himself down on Remus' bed with his own cup of tea after Remus had gratefully accepted his cup.

"So I won't get a chance to talk to him any time soon." Remus sighed, sipping the tea gratefully. "I wish it wasn't Saturday. Classes would be a good excuse to apologise."

"Full moon too." James observed gloomily. "I wonder if he'll show up."

"He wouldn't just desert me." Remus said, realising just how ridiculous that sounded as he said it. "Actually. He probably won't be there unless I get a chance to talk to him beforehand. Maybe even if I do."

"Yeah." James sighed, and they drank their tea in silence, each silently lost in his thoughts.

"Look, Moony. I'm really sorry about everything last night. I was just... stressed. I needed comfort. I shouldn't have taken advantage of everything you've been through, that wasn't fair." James said sheepishly, as he set his empty cup aside.

"Don't worry." Remus smiled. "I needed comforting, it was just right. Are you okay? I mean... I know all the gay stuff was a shock when it was me, but if you're..."

"I'm not gay." James shook his head quickly. "This isn't some big discovering myself thing. Like I said, I love Evans. I just... I don't know. You're different. That's the only way I can explain it."

"So I'm a woman?" Remus teased, grinning as he took a bite of his chocolate and offered it to James.

"No! I didn't mean... you twat." James laughed when he realised he was being teased, taking the chocolate and accepting a bite gratefully.

"Actually, I think the whole point of the conversation is that I _don't_ have one of those." Remus quipped, taking the chocolate, but before he could take another bite he was cut off by James' lips, pressed lightly to his. The kiss only lasted a couple of seconds then James pulled back, embarrassed.

"Sorry." He blushed, shifting away from Remus awkwardly. "I didn't mean..."

"No, it's okay." Remus smiled shyly. "I mean, I don't mind."

"I'm not gay or anything." James reaffirmed. "And I don't wanna go out. I'm not... I don't want to steal you off Sirius."

"You're just experimenting. It's okay." Remus said, and a questioning tendril of his mind suddenly realised how strange it was being the experienced gay in control. Not a situation he ever expected to be in, and certainly not with James.

"It is?" James asked, the question loaded with different situations and questions and insecurities all at once.

"It is." Remus smiled, reaching out and taking James' hand gently. "There's nothing wrong with a bit of mutual comfort."

"I suppose." James smiled hesitantly, then paused, clearly thinking something over. "No. There's nothing wrong."

As if to make the non-official decision more official, Remus leaned over, this time initiating the kiss, tea and chocolate forgotten. It was certainly less innocent, now that some kind of decision had been reached, James making less of an effort to keep their bodies from touching, though it was all strictly above the waist. As they gently leaned down on the bed, James beneath this time, he slowly explored Remus with his hands, clearly not used to the flat chest and muscled stomach feel. James had only ever had one girlfriend, Lily's friend Penny, and this was obviously unfamiliar territory. Remus conceded that whatever he might say, James was certainly experimenting a bit, and he decided that he was okay with this, for now.

Remus was startled when James' tongue ducked briefly into his mouth, and it wasn't until the second time that he felt it that he could meet it with his own, unable to help himself clutching James a bit closer as the kiss deepened, heading towards something most certainly not innocent. James pulled back before either of them lost control though, and they parted reluctantly, catching their breath and putting their heads back in order.

"So." Remus said awkwardly, fidgeting with his scars in an uncomfortable fashion.

"Sorry." James blushed, rubbing his face with one hand, then running it through his already thoroughly messy hair. "I didn't mean... sorry."

"No, it's fine. I'm not... I mean..." Remus found himself blushing too, and the two sat in uncomfortable silence for some time.

"So... is this gonna become a... thing?" James asked hesitantly, voice not sure whether to be hopeful or not.

"Well... do you want it to be a thing?" Remus asked simply, looking up from his damaged hands.

"I'm not... I mean..." James rubbed his face and hair stressedly. "I'm not gay... but... I like... kissing... you." The sentence was strained and not particularly explanatory, but Remus got the gist.

"So, is this gonna become a thing?" Remus smiled shyly.

"Just a thing." James said firmly, an uncomfortable look on his face. "Not... like, a _thing_, or a THING... just a thing."

"I think I know what you mean." Remus smiled, and then neither of them were talking anymore.

000

"Morning." Peter said sympathetically when Sirius sat down to breakfast, looking like he would gruesomely murder the first person who entered his eyeline. He hadn't even bothered to do his hair, and his usual lustrous locks were a sleep-nest of tangles.

"Morning, Pete." Sirius growled, reaching mindlessly for the toast. Something he could hopefully keep down. His stomach still felt like it was spinning in circles every time he remembered the events of last night.

"Listen, I know you're not talking to Remus right now, but you have to know, there's nothing going on between him and Terry. Terry just pounced him, he had nothing to do with it. Remus and Terry are good friends, but he doesn't think about him that way. Remus is in l-"

"Save it." Sirius growled, giving up on breakfast. He took his toast and left the Great Hall, ignoring the excited talk of last night's screaming food incident, and all the passing rumours of who and why. As Sirius exited the doors he almost walked straight into Remus and James... both looking slightly ruffled, and paler than usual.

"Sirius!" Remus said urgently. "I need to explain to you, please."

"Don't." Sirius shook his head, pushing past them with his toast and heading outside.

"He won't be there tonight." Remus paled further, dark scars burning against his white skin. "He'll never talk to me again."

"He will. Don't worry, Remus. It'll be fine." James said soothingly, touching Remus' arm as they entered the Great Hall.

The touch was all Peter needed to see to realise what was going on. "You two..."

"Us two what?" James asked, as they sat down side by side.

"What did you do?" Peter asked sharply, glaring at first one, then the other of them.

"Nothing?" Remus said nervously, then sighed. "I am a lousy liar."

"Yes you are. What did you do?" Peter repeated, gaze never flinching.

"It's nothing." James said assuringly. "Just... comfort."

"Well you better watch yourselves. Sirius is already on the warpath, do you really think you two shagging will make things better?" Peter said matter-of-factly. Remus SSSHHHed loudly, and James choked on his tea, spitting it all over the empty plate in front of him.

"We're not shagging!" James hissed urgently, looking around nervously. "It was just a kiss. For Merlin's sakes, keep quiet!"

"And what was it started this mess in the first place? Just a little kiss." Peter shook his head. "You two are only going to make things worse."

"It's nothing. Sirius will never even know." Remus said, clearly trying to reassure himself as well as Peter.

"You better hope he doesn't find out." Peter said gravely. "It's not just the kiss that's bothering Sirius. It's something else. I'm pretty sure he's come to some conclusion by himself, that we really do not want him coming to."

"What do you mean?" Remus asked, confused.

"I don't know, exactly. I tried to talk to him and he didn't react when I said there's nothing between you and Terry, but when I tried to explain that it's him you're interested in he bolted." Peter pondered, scratching his acne scars in a thoughtful habit.

"Wait, you _told_ him?" Remus choked, eyes wide with worry.

"I didn't get that far." Peter shook his head. "Not like he's gonna listen if you try to tell him. But no, I got as far as... 'Remus and Terry are just friends, he doesn't think of him that way, Remus is in l-' and then he stormed out."

"So if it's not Terry that's bothering him, he's figured something else on his own." James pondered. They continued to discuss the issue over breakfast, reaching no useful conclusions, and finally gave up when the last remains of food disappeared from the suddenly shining dishes.

* * *

"I feel so terrible." Remus sighed, walking down the hall with James, on their way back up to the dorm to see if Sirius was there. "I've made such a mess of things."

"It's not your fault, Remus." James said reassuringly, touching his elbow. "If it's anyone's fault it's Terry's, for pouncing you like that, or Sirius' for reacting so strongly and not giving you a chance to explain."

"I suppose. But if Peter's right, and Sirius _does_ like me, he has every right to react like this." Remus pondered, running bitten nails through his hand scars thoughtfully.

"If." James reminded gently. "Doesn't look like he's going to be giving anyone any answers any time soon, whatever the truth is."

"I suppose." Remus sighed, slightly puzzled by the guilty look on James' face, though he supposed it was probably from the same thing that was giving him guilt.

"Remus, I've got to-" James started, but Remus interrupted him, covered by a wave of fresh guilt.

"Maybe we shouldn't be doing this." He said quietly, staring down at his hands.

"What do you mean?" James looked at him bemusedly, but Remus ignored his gaze, staring down at his hands.

"Well, it's wrong. I mean... you're straight, you've got Lily, and I've got Sirius. This is nothing but a mistake. I shouldn't have let it happen."

"Listen to yourself, Remus. We haven't got either of those people. We're both alone and rejected, and there's nothing wrong with us... looking after each other, so to speak. Giving each other someone to lean on." James said, and it sounded like he was trying to convince himself as much as he was Remus.

"I suppose." Remus said warily, and James stopped, taking him by the arm and tugging him suddenly into an abandoned classroom Remus had hardly even noticed. They had wandered off their regular path to a wing of the castle almost never used for anything, and the corridors had been totally deserted for the last five minutes. James pulled Remus into the classroom, turning them so that he was pushed against a desk.

"James..." Remus hesitated, but then James was kissing him again, and it was a very far cry from that first shy, hesitant kiss the previous night. There was something... posessive in James' behaviour now, and Remus found it both alarming and rather exciting. All protests were flushed temporarily from his mind as James slowly ran a hand up his inner thigh, stopping just teasingly shy of anything salacious.

"Nnngh... James, wait." James released Remus' mouth, only to plant a trail of kisses down his jawbone to his neck, where he nipped playfully at a sensitive vein and Remus had to take a deep breath to recover his thoughts.

"James, please. Hold on. Can we-ah... can we talk about this?" Remus pleaded, pushing gently at James' chest, not wanting to use too much force in case he accidentally hurt James. It had happened before, albeit under much more playful and innocent circumstances, and Remus was not keen to repeat the incident.

"Can't we talk later?" James asked coyly, accentuating his point with another nip to Remus' neck.

"Please, James?" Remus begged, finding it difficult to stay focused in this situation. "Ah - I just want to talk about things. I'm not sure this is such a good idea. Please, James."

"Later. Please?" James asked, and looked up with such a sincere look in his eyes, that Remus couldn't help pushing his guilt and feelings that he was betraying Sirius aside for a while and responding when James' lips met his in a kiss that would rob just about anyone of any immediate doubts.

"Potter?" An incredulous voice in the doorway startled them apart, both turning to see who it was, though it was a voice they knew only too well. Severus Snape was half-leaned on the doorframe, as though he had been surprised right off balance.

"Shit, Snape!" James cried, leaping off Remus as though he had been electrocuted. "You didn't - what are you doing here?"

"What are _you_ doing here?" Snape responded, taking a step backwards, as though preparing to flee. "You two-"

"Snape, please... we can explain." Remus pleaded in a voice far too reasonable for someone looking as ruffled as he did.

"You can't tell _anyone_, Snape, please." James said desperately. "Please."

Snape seemed to be at a total loss for words, looking from one to the other one last time, shaking his head, then taking off, sprinting down the corridor. Remus could have caught him easily if he had thought to, but as it was he remained seated on the desk, stunned into unresponsiveness.

"Oh... oh god." He breathed, scratching harshly at the scars on his hands. "Oh god. Oh god. Oh god."

"This is bad in the worst way." James said hollowly, as though there were something stuck in his throat. "What are we going to do?"

"Nothing." Remus said firmly. "This should never have happened in the first place, I should never have let it. God, I have screwed things up so badly."

"What do you mean?" James asked, turning from the door for the first time since Snape made his presence known.

"I mean, this shouldn't have happened. At all. It's bad for both of us - bad for everybody." Remus said firmly, turning so his decided eyes met James'. "I'm so sorry, James. But this can't happen. You and me... we're not supposed to be together. At all. I know you're just curious and confused, and I took advantage of that to a degree because I needed someone, but this has to end. Now."

"But Remus..." James began to protest, then stopped, an unexpectedly angry and hurt expression on his face. "Sure. Fine. Do whatever the hell you want."

"No, Sirius-" Remus began, then stopped, covering his mouth in shock.

"I knew you were just using me because you couldn't get him." It was cruel and unfair, but to a certain degree James was right, and Remus knew it. James swept out of the room angrily, leaving Remus alone, sitting on a desk, realising just how he had managed to completely ruin his own life in less than twenty four hours.

* * *

"Hey! Watch where you're going, Snivellus!" Sirius cried, shoving Snape back angrily as the sprinting Slytherin collided with his brooding walk around the corridors.

"And I suppose you're in on this too, eh Black?" Snape spat angrily, staggering to regain his footing. "Fucking Gryffindor faggot party."

"And what the FUCK do you mean by that?" Sirius whipped his head around, moving much faster than he thought he even could and pinning Snape up against the wall with an angry grunt.

"Didn't you know?" Snape somehow managed to sneer despite his feet being half a foot off the ground. "Looks like you're not Potter's favourite pet anymore. I caught him snogging Lupin in a classroom."

"I fucking KNEW it." Sirius snarled, shoving Snape again and hitting the back of his head against the stone wall. "Those BASTARDS." Sirius had come to this conclusion after a lot of thought last night. Why else would James meddle so much? He and Remus were together, and neither of them had bothered to tell anyone. The thing that made it worst was all the conversations where James had pushed and pushed for Sirius to reveal his love. James knew; clearly he knew, and if he hadn't known before the letter on his pillow would have cleared everything right up. But obviously, he didn't care enough to respect Sirius' feelings. Why would he? Clearly, he had never cared about their friendship.

"Aww, is poor Black jealous?" Snape grinned, despite clearly being in a lot of pain. "Can't say I'm surprised. Potter wouldn't really want an animal like you in his bed. Lupin certainly seems girly enough for him."

Sirius was blinded by rage, tossing Snape to the ground, feeling a spark of grim satisfaction at the sound of his shirt and skin ripping on the rough ground. "You wanna see who the FUCKING animal around here is? Go to the whomping willow after sunset and press the knot on the trunk. Maybe then you'll learn your god damn lesson." Sirius spat angrily, then turned away from Snape's scampering form, storming off in the direction of his dorm, the one place he knew he would certainly run into the others eventually.

* * *

Peter felt well and truly left out, for the first time in all of his years at Hogwarts. Sure, he never exactly fit in, but the others had always been kind enough to include him, and he had been endlessly grateful for their kindness because he had never felt so happy and accepted in his entire life as he did with the Marauders, his brothers.

He was well and truly an outsider now, though. And he was angry. Not at Remus, he certainly couldn't help his part in this. Not at Sirius... well a little bit. If Sirius had just listened to reason right away instead of being a prat, none of this mess would have happened in the first place. It wasn't his fault though, everyone was entitled to overreact sometimes. No, Peter was really, truly angry at his former hero, James Potter. James was meant to be his fellow outsider in this strange new realm of gay drama. They were meant to strategise and help Remus and Sirius work everything out for the best. James was NOT supposed to get involved, and CERTAINLY not supposed to get involved WITH Remus. He had possibly ruined everything for their friends now, and had definitely deserted Peter to be the caring outsider in all of this.

"God damn fucking selfish wanker." Peter swore under his breath, hands in his pockets, walking hunched over, aimlessly traversing the castle's endless maze of corridors. "Speccy twat needs to keep his fucking nose out of things."

"Are you talking about me? Because I don't wear glasses, but you're right about the rest." A sheepish voice made Peter look up, and he realised that Terry Ball was standing directly in front of him, hands in his pockets, leaning awkwardly on an upcoming corner.

"Not you, Ball." Peter said grumpily, hands still in his pockets. "You have _no_ idea the kind of hell you've unleashed."

"I figured something of the sort." Terry looked down remorsefully at his shoes. "Does Remus hate me now?"

"Oh no, he's far too nice to hate anyone, no matter how much they act like a selfish twat. Not directed at you either." Peter added awkwardly, seeing the genuine regret on Terry's face.

"Good. I feel terrible. I don't know why I didn't realise he liked Sirius before this, the way they look at each other is so obvious. I'm such a prat." Terry said uncomfortably, fidgeting with his nails.

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure Remus has already forgiven you, and I can guarantee that Sirius won't even care once he find out what's been going on." Peter grumbled, and Terry looked up, intrigued.

"What do you mean? What's happened?" He asked, worriedly.

"Remus is... no. Forget it. They'd kill me if I told you, and unlike some people in our group, I still remember how to be a good friend." Peter sighed, withdrawing a hand to scratch at his acne scars, soon to be joined by more; he already had stress acne popping up across his face.

"Fair enough." Terry nodded. "I know how that feels. If you ever want someone to talk to though... I'm always here." He smiled shyly, but Peter couldn't find it in him to smile back.

"Thanks Terry." He sighed, scratching his head and putting his hand back into his pocket awkwardly. "I'll look you up if I can ever vent."

"Be sure to." Terry smiled awkwardly and stepped away from the wall, walking awkwardly past Peter and on down the corridor towards whatever destination he was headed to.

And now, somehow, Peter was even angrier. A total stranger with almost nothing to do with matters cared more than his closest friends. Self-absorbed bastards, all of them. Especially Remus. Why did everyone love him so fucking much? Hairy wanker.

"Peter!" _'Speak of the devil.'_ Peter thought gloomily, turning to face his friend.

"Hey, Remus." He greeted gloomily.

"You have to help me, please. It's sunset in half an hour and I had a massive fight with James and I've spent all afternoon feeling terrible about everything but the sun's about to go down and neither of them are gonna come, I know it. Please, help me Peter?" He pleaded, and Peter could tell he was telling the truth, his face was stubbly, pale, and tear streaked.

"Come on, Remus." Peter was sickened by his own soothing voice, furious at his hands as they reached out to gently embrace his distraught friend. "I'll take you down to the shack. It's only one night, you're strong. You'll be fine without them for a night."

"Thank you so much." Remus breathed, and there was so much sorrow in his voice that the hard shell of Peter's anger was almost cracked, but then it hardened and solidified once he realised what Remus had said.

"You had a fight with James? What about?" He asked, amazed at how genuinely concerned his voice came out.

"Well, it's wrong, isn't it? I can't be carrying on with James when all I really want is Sirius and all he really wants is Lily. What would we do if either of them was actually interested? James isn't even really gay, he's just... I don't know, testing the waters I suppose. There's nothing right there. Plus... oh god, I still can't believe it happened. My life is over forever." Remus seemed almost weak in the knees just thinking about it. "James cornered me in this empty classroom and we were... well... you know, snogging, and Snape came in. He saw everything... God, Peter, he's going to tell people. My life is ruined. So I broke it off with James, of course, and now he's furious with me, you know how James is. I haven't even _seen_ Sirius since this morning, so I'm assuming he's absolutely furious with me still... double if he heard about me and James. God, I feel sick just thinking about it."

"Come on, it'll all work out. You'll be fine. Maybe Snape has enough honour deep down to keep his greasy mouth shut for once." Peter said soothingly, as they walked quickly out the front doors of the castle.

"Maybe." Remus repeated, but he certainly didn't sound convinced. "Thank you so much, Peter. You're the only person who's always on my side. I wish the others cared even half as much as you do."

"Er... thanks." Peter said awkwardly, feeling the shell of his rage melt slightly despite itself. It's hard to be furious at someone when they're the only good friend you have in the world.

The two walked the rest of the way to the shack in silence, Peter still feeling uncomfortable with the one supportive arm he had around Remus, but certainly unable to withdraw it at this point.

"Thanks again, Peter." Remus smiled sincerely, as he flicked his wand, sending a broken branch shooting out to open the door to the Shrieking Shack.

* * *

"Sirius!" James near-yelped, when he opened the door to their dormitory.

"Weren't you expecting me? I do live here." Sirius was hunched over the map, staring intently at a specific dot, and didn't bother to look up to see James. He knew all that he'd see would be Remus kissing him.

"Er... no, it's just... a shock." James said awkwardly, and Sirius could _hear_ him rubbing his face and ruffling his hair as he crossed the room to his own bed.

"Remus not with you?" Sirius asked in loaded tones, trying desperately to keep the savage anger from his voice.

"Nope... why would he be?" James asked, still clearly trying to act as though everything was normal.

"Cut the _shit_, Prongs!" Sirius snapped, throwing down the map, unable to control his temper any longer, looking up at James with fire in his eyes and taking some small satisfaction when his friend flinched. "You KNOW how I feel about him, I know you read my letter! Do you have _any_ idea how hard it was for me to admit that to _anyone_? You BASTARD, you just had to swoop in and steal him from me anyway. How long have you two been together? Weeks? _Months_? Why did you act like you _cared_ about how I felt if you were just stealing him away? Were you laughing at stupid Sirius behind my back, huh? Were you?" Sirius roared and raved, relieved beyond words to finally release some of the burning anger that had been building up in his chest since the previous night.

"Sirius... man... I..." James stammered, a look of genuine apology on his face. "I'm sorry, mate. I didn't mean to... I just... it only started last night, before I saw your letter. I didn't mean... christ, I'm so sorry." James wibbled, terror and grief plastered all over his face.

"Explains why I had to find out from _Snivellus_, of all people." Sirius spat, turning around angrily and punching one of the posts of his bed for some small release.

"That bastard..." James muttered, standing up shakily from his bed.

"He'll be getting what he deserves, not too long from now." Sirius grinned savagely, thinking of the look on all the faces of those who had hurt him tomorrow.

"What do you mean, Sirius?" James asked suspiciously. "What did you do?"

"I didn't _do_ anything. Snape will do it all himself. He'll walk right in, lamb to the bloody slaughter." Sirius remembered all at once, and picked up the map, searching for Snape's dot, which, sure enough, was on it's way towards the doors out of the castle that very moment.

"What's going to happen?" James asked worriedly, crossing the room to Sirius, and peering down at the map. "Oh christ." Sirius almost heard the penny drop, as Snape made his way down the stairs towards the lake, and the whomping willow.

"They'll both get what's coming to them." Sirius said softly, more to himself than anyone else.

"Are you _insane_?" James cried, lunging backwards at once. "Remus will kill him, he'll never, ever recover from this! Christ, this is what we've spent years sneaking around trying to prevent! I have to get down there!" James never completed his turn towards the door, his face meeting Sirius' fist instead.

"WHY DID YOU DO IT?" Sirius roared, all sense gone from him, so full of anger and betrayal was he.

"Christ, Sirius, why did YOU do it?" James asked wearily, spitting out a mouthful of blood and staggering back to stand upright. "You've ruined _everything_ for Remus, don't you understand?"

"He deserves it!" Sirius hollered, and James punched him. James was significantly stronger, and it only took three quick blows to knock Sirius out, and James didn't waste a second, dashing out of the room as soon as Sirius was incapacitated, ignoring his own loose teeth and rapidly forming black eye.

* * *

"SNAPE!" James hollered, racing across the lawn desperately. The tree was still frozen from Snape entering, so hopefully it wasn't too late. James slid down the passage as fast as he could, heart racing, and his face turned white as a sheet as soon as he entered the corridor and realised just what was happening. Snape was hunched against the corridor wall, sobbing desperately, a large set of claw marks torn through his sleeve and staining his shirt blood red, and Remus was looming over him, teeth dripping with saliva, ready to deliver the final blow. Wormtail was in rat form, running desperately all over Remus' body and nipping at him, trying with everything he had to distract the werewolf from it's prey, to little avail.

"RUN, SNAPE!" It took James less than half a second to take in the scene before he sprung into action, transforming and charging at the werewolf, sending him crashing down the corridor into a wall and incapacitating him for the moment. Wormtail scurried from Remus' furry form and scampered urgently up James' leg, hiding in a secure place between his shoulderblades.

The slumped werewolf snarled angrily, and James turned around, knowing this was time to go. Snape appeared frozen in fear, so he had no choice but to shove him with his antlers, pushing the terrified boy towards the exit. Snape snapped to attention, taking a step, then crumpling, a leg wound James hadn't noticed before impeding his movement. James stamped his hoof impatiently, trying to gesture to his own back with his horns. Snape got the picture fairly quickly and they sped back up the passage, out into the night air below the whomping willow once more, at last a safe magical barrier between them and the werewolf. Once they were well clear of the willow James stopped, panting, and Snape, also short of breath from fear, dismounted. James and Peter transformed back, all three of them lying on the damp grass, panting desperately, waiting for their hearts to stop thumping.

"That... that was Lupin." Snape stammered, surprisingly the first to recover and sit up, despite his injuries.

"Yes... yes it was." James panted, forcing himself to sit up despite his heart still battering his ribcage and his mouth filling with fresh blood from where he'd bitten his tongue when Sirius punched him.

"How could you keep that secret? How could you let a monster like that run around at our school?" Snape spat disgustedly.

"He's not a monster." James protested angrily, remembering all over how much he disliked Snape. "And he's not running around. He can't get out of that corridor, and nobody's supposed to be able to get in, except Sirius spilled the beans. Under pressure, so I hear." James flashed Snape a look of fury, and was somewhat satisfied when the Slytherin flinched.

"Why can you lot get in, then?" Snape shot back, and James lashed back at him right away.

"We learned Animagus transformations for him. We're safe while we're in animal form. Not even Dumbledore knows." James said warningly, and Snape looked even more terrified, which gave James another much-needed flash of satisfaction.

"Dumbledore..." Peter breathed, clearly still winded, and raised a hand in the direction of the castle. James looked over, and all the remaining blood drained from his face at the sight of the wizened headmaster sprinting across the grass towards them, along with what looked like half the staff of the entire school.

"Oh god... we are in so much trouble." James croaked, and his mind chose that moment to fall blissfully, mercifully unconscious.


	7. The Aftermath

A/N: I like to think that all of the Hogwarts professors have a 'Student Couples' betting pool. For funsies. I wrote most of this chapter with a broken nose, and listening to Friday by Rebecca Black. (WHICH SEAT CAN I TAKE?) Also, I have gotten so deeply embroiled in the plot of this fic that I am _dreaming_ about it. This is probably not a good thing, because my dreams are a frightening place.

**IMPORTANT: ** WOW I got a lot of reviews saying 'I never would have expected this from you!' 'James being bi-curious puts me on edge!' 'I'm going to stop reading if things don't get better soon!' 'I really don't see Remus and Sirius being able to work this out.' So let me just say, before we begin

1: I never would have expected this from me either. Previously the idea of James being anything but straight squicked me out but I have been... reevaluating how I see the Marauder dynamic recently.

2: It puts me on edge too. I've had to hold him back from totally ruining the story _so_ many times. This is totally new territory for me, and it is kind of a bit terrifying!

3: **Please don't stop reading!** It's not gonna get better right away, but I promise to stick it out if you do!

4: I've got a trick or two up my sleeve yet. I've changed my mind about the end about nine or ten times _today_ but right now I will say _I will never ever write an ending that I don't like._ Not for this story. I've put too much into it to let it come out less than perfect. I won't say how it ends, because I don't know exactly myself, and even if I did I'm not gonna _spoil_ the story for you, but I _will _say that this fic is going to stay canon-consistent, and it'll put a smile on your dial before the end.

Warning: Swearing, and not a lot of action. LOTSA EXPOSITION THOUGH.

Disclaimer: I am terrible at writing why even would you sue me. I'm poor too. And hungry.

PS; everyone should say hi to my friend 'the moon is made of cheese' (username). We have been swimming buddiez for like, seven years or something insane like that. (Never did I _dream_ I would find myself discussing fanfiction at the pool. This shit is weird. WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE O-O)

PPS; Special thanks to my partner Hannah, who kindly contributed a line to this chapter. Sadly, that line had to be removed, as it read; "I LOVE BUTT SEX BRU." Yelled Snape, pouncing on Lily.

"And then I imagine that Lily would whip out her strap-on and fuck Snape in the butt." – Hannah.  
I am the luckiest person in the world :) MY GURRFRENN SO FUNNI BRU I LUV U AE HOMO U LUV WANG IN YO ASS FAGIT

**The Wooing Of Sirius Black**

Remus knew something was very, very wrong the moment he woke up in the hospital wing. It wasn't the hospital wing that told him things were wrong; he was used to waking up here by now. No, there was simply a feeling of wrongness in the air. Everything felt wrong. Groggily, Remus tried to sit up, wincing the second his stomach moved. It felt badly bruised; he had clearly been winded at some point the previous night. Bracing himself for the pain this time, Remus groaned as he dragged himself up to a sitting position, and looked around the hospital wing. His heart leapt into his throat when he saw Peter in the bed next to him, smudged with blood, but apparently unharmed. Apparently Madam Pomfrey had already seen to his wounds. The bed next to Peter's - Remus' heart pounded with horror again - was occupied by James, apparently unharmed as well asides from a black eye, but covered in blood the same as Peter. James hadn't been there when he transformed, Remus realised with a jolt. Why had James come down? Had Sirius come with him? Turning to the left, Remus was relieved for a second when he spotted messy longish dark hair, though the relief quickly turned to horror when he saw the nose belonging to the hair. Snape. Why Snape? What had happened? Snape, like the other two, was bloodied, but apparently uninjured, and sleeping peacefully, though there was a slight frown on his sallow brow. Looking across the room, Remus realised that there was a drawn curtain around one of the beds opposite them, and Madam Pomfrey was rustling around there, clearly tending to some other patient. A murmured voice, somewhat enhanced by Remus' werewolf hearing, and he realised that whoever it was in the bed, Lily Evans was in there with them. Great. Exactly who they needed to be seeing.

Remus shifted slightly and winced, wishing that his bruises had been healed. Clearly, Madam Pomfrey had missed them... or had more pressing things to deal with, judging by the amount of blood on his companions, and the fact that James' black eye had been left alone as well.

There was a rustling and a few more urgent murmurs and the curtain was drawn, revealing Lily Evans talking urgently to Madam Pomfrey. Their bodies blocked the head of the bed until Lily realised Remus was awake, breaking off midsentence to rush to his bedside, revealing Sirius lying there, face bloodied and bruised.

"Remus!" Lily cried, embracing his horrified body. "God, I was so worried! I found Sirius when I was looking for you, and then we came down here and you three and Severus were all just lying there in hospital beds, bleeding. What happened?" She asked, releasing Remus from the tight hug when he winced, stomach bruises twinging agonisingly.

"Oof... I don't know. Something obviously happened, but I was out the whole time." Remus rubbed his temples, trying to get his mind in order. "What happened to Sirius?"

"Somebody beat him up... I came upstairs looking for you this morning, and he had crawled into his bed and was crying... he wouldn't tell me why, but his face was a mess. I practically had to drag him down here, and he passed out the second he saw you lot." Lily flopped into the chair between Remus and Snape's beds, rubbing her face tiredly. "God, I just wanted to pop in and say goodbye before the train home this afternoon."

"Who woul-" Remus wondered aloud about Sirius' assailant, but paused midsentence. "Of course. It must have been James."

"James?" Lily asked, rubbing her eyes. "What'd Potter do now?"

"He's the one who hit Sirius. It's gotta be." Remus groaned, things instantly going from bad to worse as he pieced them together. "Snape must have told Sirius."

"Told him what? Why on earth would Potter hit Black? I thought they were inseparable." Lily puzzled, frowning. "My head hurts."

"The last few days have been... eventful." Remus sighed, looking back at James. "I bet Sirius hit him first, that'll be the black eye. But what actually happened?"

While Remus and Lily spoke, Madam Pomfrey had been checking on her other patients, but now she turned to Remus, concern for her most regular patient on her face. "That is a matter for the Headmaster to discuss with you. Miss Evans, Mister Black is fine. Thank you for bringing him in, but I must ask you to return to your dormitory now. Mister Lupin has things to discuss with Professor Dumbledore."

"I'll see you after the holidays, Remus." Lily said in worried tones. "Write to me."

"I will." Remus promised, and with that she was gone, and Remus was left to wonder and worry once more. Madam Pomfrey clearly had no more to say on the subject, checking pulses and healing wounds - Remus winced at what had clearly been a large gash on Snape's leg, but was now hardly more than a scratch. It had left a considerable scar though, in a pattern that was all too familiar to Remus.

"Did... did I do that?" Remus breathed in horror, unable to tear his eyes from the wound.

"Wait for the headmaster. He asked me not to discuss matters until he is here and Potter and Pettigrew wake up to give us the full story. Now, I've let him know that you're awake, and he's on his way down now. He should be here momentarily. Until then, I think you should let me know how you're feeling."

"My stomach feels like someone hit me with a club." Remus said blankly, still staring at Snape's now covered leg. "And I've got these weird tingles all over. Other than that, I think I'm fine."

"Rat bites." Madam Pomfrey nodded, pulling the blankets down and Remus' shirt up to examine his stomach bruising. "Mhmm. I can heal the surface bruising easily enough, but there's some deep bruising that'll take a while to heal. I'll give you a potion to clear that up. I checked your organs while you were unconscious, there's no internal damage."

"That's good." Remus said automatically. He had hurt Snape. How had he hurt Snape? Was the bruising from the willow - had he escaped? God, what if it wasn't enough anymore?

Madam Pomfrey waved her wand and the purpley brown marks began to fade instantly, then she bustled off to the potion cupboard, leaving Remus with nothing but his thoughts and the melting pain in his stomach. He didn't even notice the impressive figure of Albus Dumbledore entering the room until he walked between the beds and settled in Lily's abandoned chair.

"Good morning, Remus. How are you feeling?" The aged wizard asked concernedly, and Remus tore his eyes from Snape to look up into Dumbledore's wise, worried eyes.

"Alright, I guess." Remus said softly. "What happened last night? I... I attacked Snape."

Dumbledore nodded sadly. "Through no fault of your own. The way I understand matters, from what Misters Pettigrew and Snape were able to tell me before losing consciousness, Mister Black, presumably out of anger, divulged the location of your safehouse to Mister Snape, without explaining its purpose. Being naturally curious, he decided to investigate. Mister Pettigrew says he saw Snape heading down the hidden door and tried to rescue him, but they were both wounded. Mister Potter then arrived, and somehow managed to pull the both of them to safety. Judging by their respective medical conditions, it seems a fistfight of some kind occurred between Mister Potter and Mister Black."

Remus nodded. "Lily said she had found Sirius in the dorm. Snape must have told him... er... something that James and I were trying to keep secret." The relief of knowing that he hadn't escaped his self-imposed prison did nothing to help with the horror of the fact that he had attacked people. Sirius had betrayed him, had tried to use him to _kill_ Snape, had attacked James, and had revealed Remus' biggest and deepest secret. Remus couldn't even look at the bed containing the man he had once thought could be his true love.

Dumbledore nodded wisely. "Understand, Remus, that you are not in any way at fault in these matters, though I am curious to find out how your friends discovered the location and nature of your safehouse."

"They... they figured out my... furry little problem in first year. Sirius bought a lunar calendar and watched the dates I was away sick." Remus stammered, trying desperately to think of a way to talk himself out of this without revealing his friends illegal animagus status.

Dumbledore nodded again. "I can understand. I expected that living in close proximity with other boys would likely reveal the nature of your problem eventually, though I have to say I expected it would take more than a few months. What I wonder, is why they knew _where_ you go once a month, and how to get there." Dumbledore smiled, and his old eyes were twinkling mischievously.

"We... er... we use the shack as a sort of clubhouse." Remus said lamely. "We go there sometimes to eat chocolate and... er... plan things." This was a lie. They had considered the shack as a clubhouse, but the terrible memories it held for Remus meant that it was off limits as a place to have fun in.

Dumbledore nodded. "Well, although I expected you to have the judgement to keep the shack secret, I understand that boys will be boys, and the temptation for mischief can sometimes be overwhelming." The headmaster had a jolly smile now, and Remus found himself smiling back, in spite of everything. "Just between us, was that bit of excitement at the end of term feast you four? It was a genius idea, screaming food, really brilliant. A shame you weren't there to enjoy it." Dumbledore smiled. "Just promise not to tell your friends that I enjoy a good prank as much as you do. It's bad for my stern, headmasterly composure." The headmaster's eyes were twinkling, and Remus couldn't hold back a painful laugh. As though she had sensed his pain, Madam Pomfrey was suddenly at Remus' bedside, handing him a vial of the potion to clear up his internal bruising. Remus thanked her politely, tossing the potion back in one go and wincing at its foul taste.

"Is... is anybody going to get into any trouble?" Remus asked timidly, after gagging down the last of the potion.

Dumbledore's face turned grave, and Remus knew the answer before the old man even spoke. "Remus, you have to understand that what Mister Black did is extremely serious. He knowingly endangered the lives of several of his fellow students, and your own safety here at Hogwarts. You realise that you will now have to trust Mister Snape to guard your secret. I have already had words with him, and he has agreed not to tell anyone, though originally I must admit he was baying for your immediate expulsion. I _have_ been waiting for someone who actually knows what happened to wake up before deciding how to deal with Mister Black though."

"It's not his fault, Professor." Remus blurted immediately, then blushed slightly. "I mean, he found out... er... some rather startling news about James and I from Snape, and I guess he just overreacted and... wanted to punish everyone. I don't know." Remus felt his heart fall as the enormity of everything washed over him again. This was just... the worst thing that had happened to him since he was actually bitten. In all his years of lycanthropy, Remus had never attacked so much as an animal, taking it out on himself instead, and he preferred to keep it that way. And now, he had put Snape and two of his friends in hospital wing. Because of Sirius. Sirius knew about James. Remus involuntarily exhaled, with a hint of a groan at the end, closing his eyes sadly.

"I see." The headmaster had been musing, and absentmindedly stroking his long beard. "I had to say, I never expected it to be Mister Potter. To be honest I had a few galleons on you and Mister Black. Or is that why...?" Dumbledore seemed almost not to know that he was speaking, and Remus looked at him confusedly.

"What do you mean, Professor?" He asked, wondering if the old wizard was talking about what he thought.

"What?" Dumbledore asked, smiling bewilderedly. "Oh, nothing. Just an old man babbling aloud." Dumbledore smiled, the twinkle back in his eye. "I suggest you get some rest now, Mister Lupin. I'll be back when the others wake up... until then just relax, and heal. Rat bites can be nasty." With a final twinkle and a swish of multicoloured robes, Dumbledore was gone, and Remus was desperately alone, at last with some picture of what had happened while he was out, and feeling much worse than he had before he knew. Madam Pomfrey had taken Remus' empty vial and left the room, presumably to clean it, and Remus found himself wishing she was back, just so that he wouldn't have to be by himself in all of this.

"Are they gone?" The croaking voice was James, and Remus tore his eyes from the spot on the blankets hiding Snape's wound to look to the opposite end of the row of beds, where James was sitting up groggily. "He's gonna want to talk to me, but I thought you should know what happened first."

"Are you alright?" Was the first question on Remus' lips, terrified that he had hurt his friends as well.

"Yeah. Still got the bloody black eye Sirius gave me, but I probably did more damage to you than you did to me." James smiled, getting Remus' point right away. "Sorry about your stomach."

"That was you?" Remus asked confusedly. "What did you do, headbutt me?" Remus paused, considering the situation as he imagined it. "Actually, good idea."

"I thought so." James smiled. "Pete was the real hero though, he was biting at you constantly, trying to distract you from Snape." The mere mention of Snape, and Remus actually _felt_ his face falling. "Hey, don't worry." James said soothingly, for once quick to notice the feelings of others. "You didn't hurt him that bad, and I heard Dumbledore say he's agreed not to tell. No harm done."

"What... what actually happened? I've been trying to figure it out since I woke up, but I'd rather hear a firsthand account." Remus asked and he felt his stomach tighten, suddenly wondering if he _did_ want a firsthand account or not.

"Well..." James looked away and drew in a deep breath, clearly steeling himself for a difficult conversation. "You know what Snape... oversaw." James had met Remus' eyes when he started speaking but he looked away again, clearly not ready to even think about things between them yet, a sentiment which Remus shared intensely. "From what Sirius said I'd say Snape pretty much ran into Sirius right away and told him everything, and Sirius went mental and told Snape about the willow. I don't know for sure though, when I saw him Sirius seemed to have lost his bloody mind altogether. He was mumbling and yelling and he socked me one, as you can see." James smiled tiredly, gesturing to his bruised eye socket. "Of course I hit him back, knocked the bastard out. I saw Snape heading to the willow on the map, so I ran down. When I got there, he- Are you okay?" James looked concerned, and it took Remus a moment to realise he was trembling.

"Huh? Uh... yeah. Yeah, I need to hear this." Remus sighed, taking a deep breath and forcing himself to calm down. "Keep going."

"Well, when I got there you'd already given Snape a couple of slashes with your claws. You didn't bite him, don't worry. Peter was trying to distract you by biting you all over, clever buggar." Remus nodded, rubbing one of his many slowly healing rat bites, suddenly incredibly grateful for them. "I charged... winded you, by the looks of things, grabbed Pete and Snape, and carried them out. I dunno what happened after that, I passed out. Only woke up when Dumbledore showed. What's Sirius doing here? He shouldn't still be out."

"Lily said she found him sulking and brought him in, but he passed out when he saw us all here." Remus said hollowly. "Makes sense I guess. I imagine he didn't expect to be seeing any of us ever again."

"I'd say that's likely." James nodded, rubbing his face and ruffling his hair. "Christ, what was he even thinking?"

"He just wanted to hurt me." Remus' tone hadn't lost the empty hollowness, and he couldn't take his eyes from Sirius' bed. "He wanted me to suffer, and he didn't care about the consequences."

A grunt from his left and Remus turned his head, watching as Snape awoke from his slumber and manoeuvred himself into a sitting position. He looked groggily around the room, and froze, eyed widening, when he saw the looks of steel rage from Remus and James' beds.

"I'm not going to tell." Snape said sulkily. "Dumbledore made me swear. Unbreakable promise." Snape clearly could not stand their icy gazes any longer, turning to observe his wounds. There was a scab from what looked like a graze flaking off his shoulder, and just below it, a large scar with a visibly shrinking scab in the middle. His leg was in much the same condition, and Remus knew that these scars would not heal, ever.

"Snape... I'm so sorry." Remus heard his voice crack and decided almost instantly that he didn't care; far more concerned was he with the fact that he had hurt someone. Badly. He could have turned Snape, easily. He would almost certainly be scarred for the rest of his life.

"Don't talk to me." Snape spat, glaring up at Remus. "You shouldn't be here. Black was right - you're nothing but a filthy animal."

"I-" Remus began defending himself, then stopped, looking down. Snape was right. He shouldn't be here. He was dangerous. He could easily have killed Snape - could kill _any_ students if he ever escaped.

James clearly did not leap to the same conclusion, jumping in to Remus' defence. "Not always. Yes, once a month he's dangerous, but he's contained, no one _should_ be able to get in-" said with a pointed glare at Snape "-and the entire rest of the time he's as normal as anyone else. You have _no_ idea the hell he's been through because of this, and you have _no_ right to judge. You think your bloody leg hurts, just look at the amount of scars on him. Not to mention years of painful 'cures', none of which have ever worked, and spending every day _terrified_ that something like this would happen. Remus isn't a monster; he's a monster's victim." James fell silent, apparently unable to think of anything else to say that made his point.

"... I didn't tell Dumbledore about you and Pettigrew." Snape changed the subject, apparently not willing to think about it. "What did you do?"

"We learned animagus transformations." The groggy unexpected voice was Peter's, sitting up tiredly, every movement showing that his muscles were clearly screaming with pain.

"Werewolves don't hurt animagi. And he's less likely to hurt himself while we're there to play with." Peter rubbed his head, eyes screwed up in pain.

"Peter, I'm so sor-" Remus began to apologise, unable to imagine what he could have done to someone as small and defenceless as Peter.

"Don't be." Peter interrupted him. "I did more damage to you than you did to me, I'm just knackered. Don't think I've ever run that much in my life." He gestured to his flabby stomach with a dry smile. "Sorry about the bites."

"Thank you for biting me." Remus smiled back, and would have hugged Peter, if he could. "You probably saved Snape's life."

Snape opened his mouth... almost certainly to drag the conversation back to the animagus subject, rather than accept that he now owed his enemies his life, but a groan from across the room silenced all of them. Sirius' bruised eyes opened for a second, then slammed shut, refusing to so much as look at the people across the room. He groaned again and rolled onto his side, back to Remus.

"Really think you've got the right to be the one groaning there, mate?" James called angrily, sitting up straighter and looking like he very much wanted to be hitting Sirius again.

"Leave it, James. I don't want to think about it right now." Remus said painfully, looking down at his hands. Sirius had to have been _furious_ to do what he did, and he had every right to be. A wave of guilt washed over Remus as he realised how he had betrayed Sirius... even if there had never been anything between them, it was clearly something Sirius felt strongly about. There was still the small voice telling Remus that this was _none_ of Sirius' business, but the voice was getting smaller and smaller by the second.

"Ohhh." Snape breathed, dark eyes flashing from Remus to Sirius and back. "And here I thought it was Potter he was keen on."

"Will you keep your fucking mouth _shut_, Snape?" James cried, turning his glare from Sirius to Snape. "Haven't you already done enough fucking damage?"

Snape looked away sourly, but didn't say a word. Sirius' back seemed to be shaking, but Remus couldn't think of a single way to reopen communications between them, so he simply left it for now. He had to push away sudden, terrifying thoughts at once; what if he had broken their little friend group forever? What if the Marauders never came back from this? It certainly felt like there was just no way out from here.

"Aaaah, I see we're all awake at last." Dumbledore was back in the doorway, and his benign grin seemed so foreign to the grim situation that Remus nearly choked. "Misters Potter, Black, and Snape, do you feel up to a little walk to my office? I feel we have much to discuss."

Snape didn't protest, throwing off the blankets with a scowl and putting all his weight pointedly on his good leg, though Remus knew that by this point the wound would be causing him no pain or inconvenience whatsoever. James made much less fuss about getting out of bed, stepping out easily and walking over to Dumbledore.

Sirius was the last one to relinquish his hospital bed, slithering out from under the blankets uneasily and shuffling over to the others, Remus watched his every step closely, but Sirius appeared completely unable to meet anybody's eye, gaze locked angrily on his shoes.

Remus watched them out the door, Dumbledore vanishing with a wink, Sirius' back the last to hunch out of the hospital wing, and then they were gone. It suddenly occurred to Remus that he might never see Sirius again - Dumbledore would certainly see this as grounds for expulsion, and he couldn't help the tears that had been threatening since the realisation of what had happened finally escaping.

* * *

Peter had been released as soon as Dumbledore left, Madam Pomfrey clearly having been instructed to give the boys some space until the headmaster arrived - sneaky old man - and after a few consoling words to Remus, he headed off to the dorm to get some more rest, leaving Remus painfully alone with his thoughts. He was in a daze of blame and self-blame and guilt by the time the headmaster appeared in the doorway. Remus sat up, startled, and Dumbledore smiled benignly at him.

"I trust you are feeling better, Remus?" He asked, sweeping serenely across the room and coming to sit gently on the end of Remus' bed, the boy unable to muster any response but a nod.

"Excellent." Dumbledore ploughed on, nevertheless. "Because I have an important matter I feel we need to discuss. Mister Snape has made it clear that he thinks matters unforgivable, and demanded I expel the lot of you immediately, though I admit his protests lessened once he received the standard week's detention for interfering with the whomping willow." Dumbledore had a twinkle and a smile, and Remus couldn't hold back a quiet snorting laugh. "Mister Potter received one detention for hitting a fellow student, though he is also going to receive a school honour for bravery. The question of Mister Black remains though. I cannot stress enough the seriousness of his actions, which are clear grounds for expulsion, and indeed once this gets out to the teachers and school board I am more than certain that there will be more voices joining Mister Snape in calling for his expulsion. I feel, however, that this is a somewhat involved matter, and it would be wrong to make such a serious decision without all the facts. As the person at the heart of matters, I leave the decision with you. If you say the word, I _will_ expel Mister Black for his actions. There is also the option of suspension, or detention for the rest of the year. The choice is yours, Remus, and should be made based on your asessment of Sirius' danger to other students. Should he pose a continued risk to others, he must be expelled immediately. If this matter is merely a one-off, perhaps detention or suspension is more appropriate. Unfortunately this, as all important decisions are, must be a rush decision, as expulsion or suspension will require immediate contact with his parents."

Remus nodded, closing his eyes and considering quietly. The part of Remus that was just now surfacing and was violently, intensely furious with Sirius was baying for his immediate expulsion, the rational part of him thought a suspension would be more prudent, giving them some time apart to deal with things, and the kindly side of him, the part that was still deeply in love with Sirius despite his total betrayal, thought even detention sounded too harsh; clearly Sirius was badly hurt by Remus, and that felt punishment enough. As always though, the softhearted side was loudest in its protests, and when Remus opened his eyes he had come to a decision, though he was no nearer to being sure it was the right one as he had been when he closed them.

"Detention. Just give him detention. He was only acting out of anger, I... James and I betrayed him, and he found out from Snape." He sighed, scratching angrily at his scars. "It's not going to happen again."

"If you're sure, Remus." Dumbledore smiled wisely.

"I'm never sure anymore." Remus said softly, eyes lost in the distance, mind deep in thought. He didn't even hear the headmaster leaving without his usual friendly departing remark. The thing that finally broke Remus' pensive state was the swoosh of Snape's robes, as he swept back into the hospital wing.

"Dumbledore won't let me leave until I'm fully healed." He explained sulkily, clambering back into his bed.

Remus nodded. "They'll heal fast, but they'll leave bad scars." He said apologetically, pulling up his shirt to show Snape the latticework of scars covering his entire torso, at which the Slytherin winced visibly.

"Those must have hurt." He said quietly, and Remus nodded.

"I'm used to it by now. I was only seven when I was turned, so they're just part of day to day life." He lowered his shirt again, scratching nervously at the back of his hand. It occurred to him that this was the only civil conversation he had ever had with Snape, and it was a rather strange experience; someone he would usually consider... not an enemy, but certainly an antagonist, and here they were, bonding over the fact that Remus had attacked him the previous night.

The thought seemed to have occurred to Snape too, because he gave Remus a sour look, and after awkwardly inspecting the still shrinking scab on his arm surrounded by a brand new, already darkening scar, he rolled onto his side, facing away from Remus, and feigned sleep.

Shortly afterwards, James re-entered the room with a huff upon realising that Snape was still there. "Pomfrey's seeing Sirius in Dumbledore's office so he doesn't have to come back down here. Git got away with detention for all of next term. And Dumbledore gave me a detention for hitting him – I can't bloody believe it." He scowled, flopping into Peter's vacated bed, abandoning his own, further away, hospital bed.

"I know. Dumbledore visited. He asked me what I wanted done with Sirius. Said it was up to me, since I know the full story."

"That's fair enough, but letting him off with detention? Remus, you know what he was trying to do to you? He tried to make you _kill_someone." James exclaimed angrily, brows knitting into a frown.

"No. I don't think he was really thinking like that. I think he was just angry. And you know how I feel about him, James. I couldn't do anything more to him." Remus sighed, bitten off nails digging into his hand scars again.

"I know." James said bitterly. "I still think you should have punished the bastard."

"I figured you would." Remus smiled. "I just don't have that fire in me like you do."

"Severus! You're awake!" All three of them snapped to attention at the voice of Lily Evans, entering the hospital wing. She rushed to Snape's bedside, hugging him fiercely before he could so much as sit up properly. "What _happened _to you?"

"I – I went into the forest after dark. Black said he'd hidden my books out there, but I was attacked by a wolf."

Remus glanced at James, confused, who mouthed 'Dumbledore'. It was a strange sight; James Potter in the presence of Lily Evans without the entire focus of his being directed upon her. Gone was the sexy walk, gone was the hair ruffling... James just looked pale and confused.

"What about you two?" Lily asked, looking up at Remus and James, who still had a black eye.

"Ah... we were in the area. Marauder business, top secret you know. Saw old Snivellus getting himself in trouble as usual, so I nipped in and saved the day." James was clearly aiming for his old dashing smile and debonair tone, but the energy just wasn't there, and he fell short. Even Lily seemed to notice, and she looked confused.

"You mean you were in on it, and this is your sick idea of being funny?" Lily spat, glaring at James. "I supposed I should expect this sort of immature cruelty from you by now, but Remus... this is beneath you. I always thought you had better judgement than to endanger someone's _life_like that!"

"No... Lily, it wasn't like that." Snape said quietly, refusing to look at Remus and James' boggled faces. "They weren't in on it at all. Just Black."

James nodded, latching on to Snape's admission. "Sirius is furious at us, bloody git. Not for saving Snivellus, there's been other stuff going on."

"Right. Well... I just dropped down to see if you'd woken up. Everyone's about to leave for the train, and I wanted to say bye properly." Lily got back on track, directing her focus back to Snape. "The holiday won't be the same without you... I'll have to spend all my time with Tuney. It'll be rubbish, she's no fun at all."

Remus tuned out their conversation, turning his attention to James. James still had his eyes locked on Lily, watching her every move the way he always did. There was none of the want in his eyes though... usually he would be on the edge of his seat, as though he almost wanted to just pounce her where she stood. None of that now; James was withdrawn, watching quietly. An observer.

"You alright?" Remus whispered to him, unable to help wondering. He knew that once the shock and busy-ness of everything that had happened wore off things were going to be very uncomfortable, especially when it came to discussing Lily, Sirius, or what had occurred between the two of them, but Remus felt they were still at a point where these things were discussable, at least to a point.

"Huh?" James tore his gaze from Lily, turning to look at Remus with that same mix of longing, confusion, and desire he usually reserved for Lily. Although right now the confusion, a new feature of the Lily Look, was overriding most of the rest, Remus suddenly realised just how terrifying the power of the Lily Look could be, and realised for the first time exactly why she kept rejecting James over and over. Who would want that following them around day and night?

"Y'know. Lily, and everything." Remus said in a low tone, though Lily and Snape were deep in conversation about their home town, and the things Lily was going to do over the holidays.

"I... yeah. I dunno." James sighed. "It's just weird, after... well, you know. Everything. I get how you feel seeing Sirius now."

Remus nodded. "I stand by what I said though. It was a bad idea. It shouldn't have happened, and we're better off just pretending it didn't, as much as possible."

"Mmm." James said noncommittally, looking back away from Remus, at Lily.

"Weird though, isn't it?" Remus remarked softly, looking at Lily too.

"Weird alright." James agreed, sighing. "At least you know you're bloody gay. I'm not sure about anything anymore."

"Sorry." Remus said absently, and didn't even really realise what he had said until James barked with unexpected laughter. It took Remus a second to realise what had happened then he laughed too, harder than he had laughed in what felt like forever, despite only being a couple of days. They laughed so loudly that Snape and Lily paused their conversation to look over curiously, both Marauders laughing much too hard to care.


	8. I Can't

A/N: Yes, the last chapter was very... lacking in action or plot development. SOZ LOL. No but really I feel it was important for things to just cool off for a bit. Not to mention I have reached pretty much the end of what I actually had planned for this fic, and had to sit down and work out a proper outline for the whole rest of the story. This chapter took me SO LONG (TWO MONTHS I'M SO SORRY) because it's quite Remuscentric and I find it really hard to write from his POV sometimes because I kinda just want to slap him. (I really look at this story from Sirius' viewpoint, since that's the only one I fully understand. I have veeeery little empathy for Remus or James.) and also I'm epileptic and bipolar and about halfway through writing this I was put on new medication which has made things like moving and thinking and not hallucinating or falling down rather difficult and painful. My wonderful girlfriend has been over most days, bringing me things like food and cuddles. Thank you, darling. x3

ALSO; I have reuploaded the last chapter with a couple of minor tweaks. My mum reads my fanfiction (oh god) (hi mum) and also happens to be a writer, and pointed out a few bits that didn't quite make sense, which had always seemed iffy to me but I was rather desperate to update with ANYTHING, so left alone. They're bothering me too much to leave now, so I've changed things. Not a lot, just a few tweaks in Remus' second conversation with Dumbledore. Makes the story make much more sense, without having any real impact on the plot, just fixing some ultra sloppy dialogue and reasoning. Sozzzzz guys!

ALSO ALSO; The next chapter, some things are gonna change a bit. Be prepared.

Warning: Swearing, sum ghey fagetz (ew) and THINGS DO NOT GET BETTER RIGHT AWAY GGGHHHHHHH BEAR WITH ME PLZ

Disclaimer: I do not claim any of these characters as mine, except for Terry, who is kinda a bit beautiful. -cough- Although Terry does kinda spend this chapter behaving suspiciously. He's not up to anything (yet) he's just one of those strange nice people who care about things.

Dedication/Credit: I owe my wonderful mother Debbie an ENORMOUS debt of gratitude for her help on this bitchbastard of a chapter. She helped me sort the events of this chapter into an order that made some sort of sense... were it not for her, things would be in some kind of wacky jumble, with every single confrontation taking place right at the start, and all of the introspective stuff crammed in awkwardly at the end. This would never ever have gotten written without her wonderful advice and guidance, and giving me the occasional kick in the pants. It is because of her that I write, and it is because of her that I always try to write with heart and with reason. Thank you, mum. For everything.

Also, I am incredibly sorry for this enormous author's note.  
Now go read my fanfiction.

**The Wooing Of Sirius Black**

James had long since been discharged, black eye cleared up in seconds, though Snape was still waiting on the last few flakes of scab to peel themselves from his scars before he could leave the hospital wing, by the time Remus was released. Madam Pomfrey had fixed his rat bites in a matter of seconds, and once the last of the deep bruising stopped giving him pain, Remus was hustled out quickly.

"Sorry, Snape." He said with a timid smile and a wave, ignored by the petulant Slytherin, as Madam Pomfrey practically pushed him out the door of the hospital wing.

And now, Remus found himself at something of a dead end. Suddenly being out of hospital wing, everything relating to the attack suddenly seemed less real, and Remus felt that he had been flung bodily into the world of confused emotions and liking all at once. He started walking, not even conscious of the action, as he considered the events of the previous day.

James... Remus was no longer sure whether he was just curious, or was serious about what had happened between the two of them. Up until now he had just thought James was fooling around a bit, for whatever reasons he might have concocted in his unfathomable, scruffy head. The Lily Look back in the hospital wing had really complicated matters though... James had never looked at Penny that way during their brief relationship... never so much as glanced at anyone other than Lily in that way, and now Remus found himself included in the Lily Look, and he didn't know how to handle it. One thing was certain in his mind though; he didn't love James. Remus didn't see himself ever loving James as anything other than a friend, which... in a way, made matters easier, especially when it came to Sirius.

Sirius was a whole other kettle of mysterious and unfathomable fish. As far as Remus saw it, there were three rational explanations for Sirius' behaviour. He could be homophobic, and want all the queers to go down together... but he certainly wouldn't have been so accepting and casual about Remus' sexuality if he was. He could like Remus, and have been driven temporarily mad by jealousy... or he could like James, and have been driven temporarily mad by jealousy. The way Remus saw it, James and Sirius had far too brotherly a bond to ever consider each other romantically for any reason whatsoever, although he would have said the same thing about himself and James until the night before last, and well... that all seemed a bit silly now. Really, everything was all up in the air at this point.

And Terry. Poor, sweet Terry. He was outside of the group containing the majority of the gay drama of recent times, and so easy to forget, but it had clearly taken a lot for Terry to confess to Remus. He felt terrible for just plain forgetting Terry's feelings over the last day and a bit, but what with Sirius on one side and James on the other, it was hard enough for Remus to balance things in his own circle of friends, without thinking about outsiders... even outsiders as important to him as Terry.

"Remus! There you are. I was just gonna go see you." Remus was startled to hear James' voice, not having expected him to pop up in the slightest. "Avoiding the dorm's a bit boring in the holidays with noone here, but I really don't want to run into Sirius, after everything."

"Fair enough." Remus nodded. "Have to say, that was my plan as well. I was kinda thinking you wouldn't really be wanting to see me either though, after everything."

"Actually, I need to talk to you in private." James' tone lowered and his face turned serious as he took Remus' hand, pulling him into a random empty classroom. The school had its usual eerie holiday quiet, and Remus almost wished for some background noise just to draw focus a little... he didn't really want to have this conversation so soon after everything, but it had to happen sometime.

"James, I-" Remus began, but was quickly cut off.

"No. _I _need to talk to _you_. I've been doing a lot of thinking since I left the hospital wing, and I think... I think you're wrong." James' jaw was set, his face resolute.

"What do you mean, wrong?" Remus asked blankly, simply not understanding what on earth James meant.

"You said this was wrong. That you and I shouldn't be together. I think you're wrong. Lily doesn't want me. Sirius tried to _use_ you to _kill_ someone, for Merlin's sakes. That's not something someone in love does. I say screw them. If we can't have them, let _us_ at least be happy, for the time being. Come on, Remus. You know you liked it..." James took a few steps closer to Remus, until their lips were almost brushing, Remus pressed against a desk once again.

"James..." Remus turned his head away, trying very hard to resist showing how very much he _was_ liking this. "No. Sirius or no Sirius, this isn't right. We've already caused more than enough damage."

"And the damage is done! Sirius is a wanker, and pretty much a murderer. How can you still care what he thinks?" James protested, running a hand seductively down Remus' arm, which he pushed away.

"No, James." Remus slipped out from where James had him pinned. "I care because, bastard or not, I still love him, and it's not like I've been fair on him. And even if I wasn't in love with him, he's one of my best friends, and I'm not gonna turn my back on him. Or have you forgotten we were all friends a few days ago?"

"I..." James paused, clearly dumbstruck, hand still dangling stupidly over the desk from when Remus pushed away from him.

"Save it." Remus shook his head. "I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place, and act like a good friend." Remus turned away from James to hide the stress tears forming in his eyes and stormed from the room, leaving James standing there, lost for words.

* * *

Remus hadn't thought that rejecting James could be as hard as it was. Hadn't anticipated the strange, awful feeling of memories and potential all floating away from him all at once. He knew it was the right thing to do, knew that with James the immediate future held nothing but fighting and badness and guilt, and eventually rejection when James got bored of experimenting, but the fact that he had now cut things off between them once and for all somehow still hurt as though they'd had all the potential in the world.

Angrily scrubbing the moist prickle of tears from his eyes, Remus wandered the corridors of Hogwarts aimlessly once more, thanking God, Merlin, Lady Luck, and anyone else who was listening for the fact that the start of holidays had pretty much emptied the school. He nearly collided with a squeaking, embarrassed Ravenclaw first year once, the tiny boy yelping an apology around his arms full of books, then scuttling off towards the library. Apart from that, there wasn't so much as a single sign that there was anyone else in the castle at all. The loneliness was blissful.

Being surrounded outside by space, and inside by deep contemplation, Remus didn't notice the presence behind him, until he heard his name in rough, awkward tones.

"Remus?"

The voice was so familiar that Remus would know it if he hadn't heard it for a hundred years. Relieved and terrified all at once, he turned slowly to look at Sirius, wishing the stupid tears in his eyes would just buggar off.

"Sirius." His voice was meant to sound confident and apologetic, but came out cracked, tear-soaked, and nervous.

"Are you alright?" Sirius' voice was slightly higher than usual, and he seemed to realise how ridiculous his question was the second after it came out, blushing awkwardly.

"Yeah, I think so. Just stressed. But I really, really need to explain things to you." Remus said desperately, taking a step closer to Sirius, though they were still a good metre and a half apart.

"You're with James." Now Sirius' voice was cracking, and he looked down at his feet, biting his lip, unkempt hair falling in his face.

"No, Sirius, I was never with James. Not really. It's complicated, and stupid, and I feel like an utter twat. I should have just explained to you in the first place."

"You were never with James?" Sirius asked, looking up desperately, clearly not having heard the rest of the sentence properly. "But, Snape said..."

"Well... look, it's a really long story, so hear me out. The other day Peter and James accidentally found my diary and read a bit, and they found out that I'm gay, and... well... that I've liked you for bloody ages." Remus kept his eyes fixed on the floor, face burning. "They decided they were gonna help me woo you, and came up with all these ridiculous plans and theories, and... well, I guess the prank plan kind of worked. And then Terry cornered me, and was talking about how he still really likes me, and you saw him kiss me, and then _James _kissed me, and I didn't know what to do, and he said all this stuff about how you'd never like me, and Lily would never like him, and we might as well comfort each other, and Snape saw us, and I broke it off with James, but Snape had already told you, and... well, you know that bit, and then James tried to corner me again but I told him no, and then I ran into you and here we are, and _god_ I wish I had just explained all that in the first place." Remus trailed off, breathing deeply in the uncomfortably loud silence, face still blushing redly, eyes locked on the floor.

"...You like me?" Sirius said nonplussedly, again seeming to have missed most of the rest of Remus' speech.

"Well... yeah. I have for ages." Remus finally found it in himself to look up again, meeting Sirius' stormy eyes timidly. "And normally I'd be absolutely shitting myself telling you, but at this point I figure either you like me too, or you're a huge drama queen and overreact to everything. But you've never been the overreacting type, so I have to figure..." He blushed, hoping that he hadn't made a big fool of himself, and totally misinterpreted things.

"Remus, I..." Sirius began, taking a rushed step towards him and reaching out a hand as though to touch Remus' arm, then paused, brain evidently catching up with ears. "Wait... James said I didn't like you?"

"Well... yeah. I suppose I shouldn't have believed him... James is thick as a board when it comes to reading people." Remus couldn't help the odd hint of affection slipping into his voice, crushed straight away by the painful thud of his heart crashing back to the pain it had floated away from when Sirius didn't deny liking him. Remus was absolutely sure he didn't love James... but the loss was still painful, for oh so many reasons Remus couldn't understand just yet.

"No, he's a filthy bastard liar." Sirius withdrew his still outstretched hand, rubbing his wrist stressedly. "He knew... I told him... When did you guys actually..."

"Wh- oh... um... The other day. Right after Terry... and you were all upset... it just kinda happened." Remus said embarrassedly, unable to do anything to keep the pain inside from spilling out in his voice.

"That _bastard._" Sirius hissed, and Remus was startled by the malice in his voice, really believing for the first time that Sirius was capable of becoming so angry that he would betray his friend's greatest secret. "He _knew. _I gave him a letter. He knew, and he didn't care. Selfish fucking _bastard._"

"He... what?" Remus felt his heart sink deeper as Sirius spoke. Betrayal was all around, it seemed. "You..."

"He kept pestering me about you and about who I liked, and I got fed up, and... it really seemed like he gave a shit. So I wrote him a letter. You know I'm not good at talking about things like you are. I put it on his bed before we all left for the prank... if he didn't read it before then he would have read it soon after. That _fucking_ selfish pigheaded PRAT didn't care. About either of us."

"Oh god. How could he?" Remus breathed, in a total state of shock.

"That fucking _arsehole._" Sirius growled, then turned on his heel. "I'm going to find James, and I'm going to tear him into bloody fucking _SHREDS_!"

"Sirius, wait!" Remus pleaded, rushing after Sirius and grabbing his shoulder. "For the love of _god_don't try to get angry revenge on anyone else." Remus actually saw the rage and colour drain from Sirius' face, leaving him looking like a shellshocked, devastated ghost. "Sirius. I'm sorry. I just mean-"

"No." Sirius pushed Remus' arm off petulantly, regret now saturating his voice. "You're right. Christ, last thing I should be doing is talking to _anyone_. I'm so fucking sorry, Moony."  
"Don't." Remus said at once, but with a last sad glance, Sirius hunched away, a figure of shame, betrayal, and remorse.

* * *

"Why did you want to meet me here?" Were the first words out of Peter's mouth when Terry finally showed up at their meeting place, a cosy hallway/kind of communal common room, with a few comfy chairs. He had been thoroughly surprised by the Hufflepuff's owl, nobody at all having bothered to talk to him since his departure from the hospital wing. He didn't even know Terry was staying over the holidays, and certainly hadn't expected to hear from the boy again. Peter pushed away from the wall he was leaning on to stand upright, arms folded.

"Well... my parents are on a research trip in South America, and none of my friends are here over the hols, and... I don't know what's going on with your group, but it kinda seemed like you'd need someone outside them to talk to." Terry said sheepishly, scratching the inside of his elbow awkwardly.

"Oh." Peter was sideswiped by the unexpected show of caring. It was a long time since anyone showed any interest in what he thought. "Well... thanks."

"So, what's up?" Terry asked, flopping comfortably into one of the chairs. "I know there's stuff going on you can't tell me... but you can talk about anything else you need to."

"You're not doing this just to get closer to Remus, are you?" Peter asked warily, settling in one of the chairs by Terry's.

"Of course not!" Terry seemed genuinely shocked by the concept. "I just... well, Remus told me how they all overlook you a lot, and I thought you might like someone to talk to who'll actually listen."

"Oh." Peter said again. "Well... I guess a lot of it's out in the open now, anyway." He sighed. "You have _no_ idea how much crap you sparked off..."

Peter roughly summed events up for Terry, explaining the Willow event as Sirius telling Snape "a secret of Remus', that not even I'm supposed to know," and getting injured as a result. By the end of events as Peter knew them, Terry's face was blank with shock.

"Wow. I... wow. I had no idea. I'm so sorry!" Terry gasped, clearly mentally berating himself.

"Oh, don't be." Peter smiled, finding himself oddly fond of the friendly Hufflepuff. "Those prats are making bad decisions all by themselves. You just kind of fanned the embers."

"Still... I had no right to do what I did. I was so wrapped up in my own head, I convinced myself that Remus must like me back, and kind of forgot the whole asking part. I'm so embarrassed." Terry rubbed his knees awkwardly, looking away, clearly unhappy with himself.

"He's already forgiven you. I guarantee it. Hell, he's probably already forgiven Sirius for everything. Remus doesn't like being by himself, he'll forgive anyone anything." Peter said automatically.

"You notice things like that? That's cool." Terry smiled. "You're perceptive."

"I guess it's easy to notice things when you're not being noticed." Peter said, startled somewhat. He really couldn't remember the last time anyone paid him a sincere compliment.

"I guess it must be." Terry said, with a strange, shy smile. Peter didn't know exactly what the odd look meant, and chose to ignore it, shifting topics slightly, back to the original issue of discussion.

"So... you really like Remus, huh?" He asked, having almost forgotten Terry's feelings for Remus altogether. Terry was easy to overlook in this matter, and Peter almost giggled at the thought... here were he and Terry, the forgotten people in the equation, discussing how it felt to be ignored by the people everyone thought really mattered.

"Well... yeah, I guess." Terry blushed, looking away, seeming truly uncomfortable for the first time since Peter had met him. "He's so smart, and sweet, and cute, and he's nice to everyone, no matter what. He's amazing. Plus, his scars are really sexy." Terry smiled mischevously, cheeks tinged red, and Peter couldn't help an unexpected laugh popping out, and Terry laughed too, awkwardly.

"If you say so. I'll have to take your word on that one." Peter grinned, wondering how Terry could make everyone around him so at ease. It was some kind of gift, and made it obvious exactly why Terry was in Hufflepuff.

"Sure thing." Terry laughed, smiling embarrassedly. "But yeah. I just think he's wonderful. I get that he's totally off limits though, I really don't want to move in on anyone else's territory."

"Hey, at this point I don't know who's doing what anymore." Peter shook his head, sighing. "Sirius has probably killed James or something while we've been talking... I've kind of given up trying to keep track of their stupid drama. It's worse than those muggle romance novels my mum reads."

* * *

"James." Remus' tone was stern, arms folded, a determined look on his face as he and Sirius approached the common room chair where James was reading by himself, a look of worry and confusion etching itself on his handsome features as they came closer.

"Remus." James replied, voice utterly not knowing what to do with itself, trapped somewhere between bewildered, caring, reluctant, concerned, and frightened, with a crack in the middle of the word to boot.

"We know what you did." Remus said in the same stern tone, but at the same time his words sounded almost hollow. Seeing James like this made the pain of breaking things off well up again, stirring in with the rage at James' lies to make a confusing cocktail of feelings so painful Remus half wished he could just go lie down, and half wanted to rip James in half.

"What I-?" James started, then realised just what they were talking about. "Oh. Moony, Pad-"

"Save it." Sirius snarled, unfolding his arms angrily, hands curled into fists. It had taken Remus a good hour to find him sulking in the library, and another hour to calm him down to the point where he was anywhere near calm and free from self loathing enough to actually talk to James. "You _bastard_, you lied to us both."

"Padfoot, I don't-" James began, smiling desperately, fear in his eyes.

"SHUT UP!" Sirius roared, though he pulled back slightly when Remus put a firm hand on his shoulder, grounding him. "You knew! You _bastard_, you knew _just_ how I felt about him, and you lied to him about it. Do you even _know_ how to be a good friend? You traitorous _shit_?" Sirius paced as he ranted, arms swaying wildly, hair becoming wilder with his oncoming anger. Again, Remus tried to calm him, this time it was a hand on his chest, stopping the pacing. Sirius paused, looking down at the hand, then up into Remus' eyes with his own wild, stormy ones, then gave a hefty sigh and resumed his pacing, fidgeting with his hands, this time pacing to calm himself.

"How could you _do_ that to us, James?" Remus continued, picking up from where Sirius left off. "You _knew_ how much this meant to me... you _saw_ me crying, for fuck's sakes. And you convinced me that there was no way Sirius could possibly have feelings for me, and that I was somehow better playing along with your stupid childish _experimenting_? So much for fucking _loyalty_!" This time, Sirius reigned Remus in with a gesture that drained his brain of all thoughts of anger and betrayal for a second... the lightest touch of Sirius' fingertips on the small of Remus' back. And then the hand was gone, and Sirius was back to angry pacing, glaring at James with eyes burning furiously enough to just about set someone on fire.

"I... Moony... fuck, I'm..." James' face was pale with fear and stress, and he had broken out in a flop sweat. Remus had never seen him so scared, not even when he found out what Remus was once a month. "I just... I don't know! I don't know why I did any of it! I'm... I don't... _fuck_, I'm so sorry." James stammered desperately, hair sticking up in all directions without his help for once.

"Sorry's not _enough_!" Sirius yelled at once, then withdrew grumpily at a look from Remus.

"You can't just play with the feelings of the people who are supposed to be your best friends, then say 'oh, sorry!', James." Remus said firmly, arms folded sternly. "You... You've done so much damage, I don't even know where to begin! What happened to all that _shit_ you said about wanting to help me and protect me and help me find happiness? Christ, I don't even know why I let you stick your nose in in the first place. You've done _nothing_ but utterly fuck _everything_ up!"

"Moony... I don't... I... I wish I could fix everything... I do..." James still seemed unable to make a proper sentence, a single tear rolling down his sweaty, pallid face.

"Yeah, well you fucking _can't_." Sirius snapped furiously, stopping his pacing. "You knew _exactly_ how I felt, I fucking _trusted_ you with my biggest secret, and you played it to your own advantage like a _complete, fucking TOSSER_."

"_BOYS!_" Professor McGonagall's livid tone caused all three boys to turn to the portrait hole at once, watching as their head of house rushed angrily into the room and across to them. "The Fat Lady heard your yelling from outside the common room, and came to fetch me. Apparently she was worried that one of you was in _danger_ of attacking another. Now, I suggest that you all calm down and explain the reason for this ridiculous carrying on at once, or all three of you will be spending the holidays in detention, a fate I believe Mr. Black is already facing, and more." Her wide eyes were deadly behind her spectacles, and it was enough to scare even Sirius out of his rage-fuge.

"I... um..." Remus began awkwardly, stammering in a desperate attempt to come up with some kind of cover story, but nothing came to him immediately. "I... well... Sirius told James s-something in confidence, and James sort of... used it to... to trick me and Sirius, and just about got Snape killed, and we only just f-figured out what he'd done." He stuttered desperately, trying to explain without actually giving anything away.

"I see." McGonagall said unimpressedly, folding her arms. She surveyed each boy individually for a good half minute each; James quivering in a terrified state none of them had ever seen from him before or even believed possible, Remus feeling intensely uncomfortable and embarrassed at how very angry he had become, Sirius looking sullenly up from under his untidy curtain of hair, clearly still full of rage, but dampened somewhat by the presence of such a terrifying teacher.

"Well." Professor McGonagall said at last. "It would seem I _do _owe Professor Dumbledore a few Galleons."

"What-" James started, but was cut off by an unexpected laugh from Remus.

"Sorry." He muttered, embarrassedly, looking down after recieving a funny look from Professor McGonagall.

"Yes. Well, at any rate, I am sure that all problems you three have with one another can be sorted out at a much more reasonable volume, and certainly without using _quite_ such foul language." A pointed look at Sirius, who nodded chastenedly.

McGonagall gave the three of them one last sweeping disapproving look, then turned and exited the common room, a weighted, uncomfortable silence hanging in her wake.

"Look..." James started, voice still quivering slightly, the last one anybody would have expected to break the pendulous silence.

"Just... don't." Sirius said disgustedly, turning and lurching out of the common room, slamming the portrait behind him, to the audible distress of the Fat Lady.

"Remus, please-" James began, stopping abruptly when Remus met his eyes with a glare of disgust and betrayal.

"James, leave us alone. You've done more than enough damage for a lifetime." He spat, turning on his heel and storming out of the common room himself, careful to close the Fat Lady politely behind himself.

* * *

James breathed out deeply once Sirius and Remus were both gone, emotional exhaustion seeming to drag at his very skin. He didn't even know how to feel about anything anymore. His friends were right - he had played them both, and it wasn't fair, and he honestly couldn't figure out exactly why he had done it anymore. The thought that now that everything was out there was every chance of Sirius and Remus getting together still filled his throat with bile though. He liked Remus, that was for sure. He didn't know when or how it had happened, but he was starting to feel the same obsessive desire he felt whenever he thought about Lily for Remus, and the thing that scared him the most was that the fire was fading from his feelings for Lily. She was the love of his life, and they were meant to be together. He thought. He hoped? James shook his head and rubbed his face uncomfortably, trying to clear his thoughts up. A week ago, liking a guy had never so much as crossed his mind. He was James Potter, Card-Carrying Heterosexual, and there had never been the slightest bit of doubt. Now though... nothing was clear anymore.

_'Okay, time to consider the logic of this. I've never, ever thought about a guy that way before. Not so much as a blip. I've certainly thought about girls that way though, most of all Lily. So I guess that's one point for heterosexual. What about sex... well, I got... excited... when I was kissing Remus, I guess... but... thinking about Lily makes me feel the same way. When I was going out with Penny and we were kissing, it wasn't anything like that. So, that's... I don't know. One point each? Um... what else is there... looks... Lily's beautiful. The most beautiful person I've ever seen. Remus... Remus is cute. He's got a nice smile, and nice eyes and nice hair, and he always looks just slightly like a lost little kid. Mixed with a fussy old man. But... compared... Lily wins. Every time. So I guess, that's another point in the 'straight' column..._ James ruffled his hair stressedly, sinking deeper into the chair. He was so wrapped up in his own internal monologue that he didn't notice the portrait opening and closing until Peter had settled in the chair opposite, an odd look halfway between concern and resentment on his face.

"What's up?" Peter asked, resting his feet on a coffee table.

"I ruined everything." James moaned. "You were right about me and Remus, Pete. They're both furious at me now, and I don't know what to do to fix things, and I'm worried I'm turning gay."

Peter sighed, and screwed his eyes up for a moment, before unscrewing them and taking his feet off the table, leaning forward earnestly. "You're not gay, James. You were curious, there were feelings flying around all over the place, and you decided to experiment, but you're the clingy type, and got confused. If you could stop thinking with your dick for five minutes, you'd realise that your love for Lily can never be extinguished, and all you want for Remus is for him to be happy with someone who can take care of him and shower him with love. That's how things are, and that's how things should be." Peter said decisively, and James was blown away by how precisely Peter had summed things up.

"How do you... how do you know all that?" James asked, stunned.

"I just do. You would too, if you paid any attention to things that happen around you. Plus, I've been talking to Terry, and he agrees there's no way you're gay." Peter said matter-of-factly.

"I... I see." James said, and paused to consider everything Peter had said. He had no idea how his friend managed to know him better than he knew himself, but everything Peter had said rang absolutely true in his ears, and he knew, deep down, that he'd known it all along, and not wanted to admit what he was really doing to himself.

"Feeling better?" Peter asked, cocking his chubby head slightly.

"I... yeah." James said shakily, and smiled for the first time in what felt like years, before changing the subject, unwilling to spend a second more thinking about his big, painful mess for the time being. "So... you've been talking to Terry, huh?"

"Oh, please don't." Peter sighed, shaking his head. "Not _everybody_ around here's been swept up in the gay. He's just a friend. He and I understand each other, and it's nice to have someone to talk to while you lot are running around destroying your friendships."

* * *

Remus' first instinct upon leaving the common room was to track Sirius down and try to calm him down, but that plan was quashed when Remus realised his hands were shaking with ill-supressed rage. It seemed a better idea for now to just walk the corridors for a while, and clear his own head first. He squeezed his eyes closed for a second as he walked aimlessly, trying to push the anger out and think about things. James... thinking about James was just too painful. Remus could tell that it would be a very long time before anyone could sort out their issues with James, possibly most of all Sirius. Despite what Sirius told Snape, Remus simply hadn't foreseen him being as upset as he was.

And that led Remus onto a whole other train of thought, one he liked a whole lot more. Not only had Sirius not disagreed with Remus' theory that he liked him, but his actions before and since _certainly_ seemed to back that theory up. An unexpected, and impossible to repress grin sprang suddenly onto Remus' face, as the reality of that thought sank in. _Sirius liked him. Sirius_ liked him. Sirius _liked_ him. Sirius liked _him_. He left the thought for a moment to infuse his being, grinning as widely as was humanly possible. He wrung his hands together briefly, then managed to wipe the grin away and continue walking. Suddenly, nothing else that had happened mattered, and the sole thought in his head was of finding Sirius, talking to Sirius. All the memories of the day they had truly had their friendship back rushed into his head, and the feeling of longing was almost too much, Remus setting off at a run to find Sirius.

* * *

Sirius didn't know where he was going exactly, but wherever it was, he was going there fast. He was hunched over angrily, hands in his pockets, slouching at a brisk pace through the hallways and corridors of Hogwarts. The thought of being anywhere near James was just too much right now. The fact that that betraying bastard existed at _all_ was an affront to all that was good and right in the world. How could he have treated the feelings of his own closest friends like they just didn't matter at all? It was sick. Sick and obscene. Even if he hadn't had a chance to read Sirius' letter originally, James certainly knew how Remus felt at the time, and was willing to totally ignore that for his own disgusting happiness. It was unbelievably cruel, and the mere thought of James made Sirius nauseous.

His thoughts had, however, led him to a point he hadn't had proper time to process yet. Remus liked him. He had admitted it, plain and simple. What was more, he had liked him for quite a while. Sirius felt the rage melting from his posture as it melted from his being, filled with a long-forgotten feeling of hope. He still didn't _quite_ believe it could be true, especially after what he'd done to Remus with Snape and the willow, but at the same time the butterflies that always fluttered around Sirius' stomach in time with his heart, and the prickling bubbles under his skin, symptoms of his feelings for Remus, had returned with a vengeance. He had never felt this way when he wasn't around Remus, and it somehow washed all the anger from his system. Remus _liked_ him. Sirius wanted to dance and sing, and actually found himself skipping somewhat down the corridor, and found that he did not mind one jot.

"Sirius!" Sirius felt his heart almost pop at the sound of Remus' slightly puffed voice, as the werewolf ran up to him with unnatural speed.

"Remus." Sirius couldn't help the soppy, loving grin that spread itself over his face at the sight of the object of his affections.

"Uh... wow." Remus said, a slightly startled smile mirroring its way onto his face. "You sure bounced back fast."

"I... yeah." Sirius felt the grin melt as the anger and betrayal came trickling back in. "Just... just enjoying a really good thought."

"Was it... was it about me?" Remus asked hesitantly, a hopeful smile on his scarred face, almost too sweet for Sirius to bear.

"Yeah." Sirius smiled back, surprised somewhat by the degree of warmth in his voice. "Yeah, it was."

"Oh." Remus said, a warm, awkward grin rushing over his face. "Well... I was hoping we could talk. About everything... and... well... us."

"Oh." Sirius' oh was less warm, his 'run and hide' instinct kicking in. Talking about feelings was not something Sirius Black did easily at the best of times, and these could hardly be described as those. "Well... I guess."

"Well..." Having gotten this far, Remus seemed not to be quite sure what else to say. "I... I've already told you that I've... loved you for a long time." Sirius felt his heart skip a beat as Remus said the word 'love', golden eyes never leaving his. "And I've told you my theory about you... but you've never... actually..." Remus trailed off, cheeks tinged pink, clearly not having planned this conversation out all too well.

"Remus, I..." Sirius choked, looking away uncomfortably. Talking about feelings was _not_ something he found easy in the slightest, and the fact that the last person he had told his feelings to used them against him didn't make it easier. That thought dragged up the memories of the last few days again, and suddenly all Sirius could see was the things he didn't want to be seeing; Remus and Terry entwined in the hallway, James whispering 'He doesn't love you.' to Remus, before pressing their mouths together, Remus wrapping his arms around James and responding enthusiastically, James straddling Remus as they lay down on Remus' bed together, never parting for a second... Sirius had never seen them together, but he may as well have, for all the vividness of his imagination. Sirius looked up at Remus, feeling the warm prickle of tears welling up in his eyes. All of the joy and hope was gone, and all that remained was burning loss and pain and heartbreak.

"I can't." Sirius was trembling so hard that his voice shook, the first tear welling up and tumbling over the edge of his eyelid as he saw Remus' face drop. "Remus, I..." He took a deep breath, steeling himself to expose his most personal feelings. "I've loved you with all my heart since the first moment I saw you. But I can't do this... us. I can't... I can't look at you without picturing you and him. I'm so fucking sorry." The tears were falling thick and heavy now, and Sirius hurt so much it felt that all his organs were going to tumble out at once, and he wrapped his arms around his stomach to counter it. "I love you, Remus. I really, really do. You have no idea how much I've wanted to tell you that, or for how long. I just... I'm sorry." Sirius gasped out around sobs, Remus' face now equally tearstreaked.

"I love you too." Remus said, pleadingly. "I'm so sorry. I can't... I can't believe what I did to you."

"Don't be." Sirius said shakily, stepping forwards and placing his trembling hands on either side of Remus' face, pressing their sweaty foreheads together. He stared deeply into Remus' beautiful, golden eyes for a moment, then was unable to help himself any longer. He shut his eyes and moved forward, pressing his lips desperately to Remus' for a mere second, wet, teary faces brushing in a moment of blindingly intense emotion. Then Sirius pulled back, turning away. The bad thoughts were too much, a thousand images of Remus and James entwined in various intimate embraces flashing through his mind constantly.

"I'm... I'm so sorry." Sirius stammered out, and he could no longer bear it here, feeling his heart break as he walked away from Remus, never able to look back.


	9. It Goes On

A/N: Tonight, I'm going to the Deathly Hallows II midnight screening with my partner, dressed as Remus and Sirius. My heart can not take this. I've been a teary wreck for more than a week. I don't know how I'm going to go on with no more Harry Potter, I just don't. There's always Pottermore, but at the same time... augh.

Also, last night the news talked about fanfiction after the bit on the NZ premiere and it was AMAZING and they interviewed Jaida from Shoebox and I had to resist the urge to marry her on the spot and I was like 'hey bro come interview me I write fanfictionses too and I like actually live in this country' But no, really it was pretty exciting, and certainly not the sort of thing you expect to see on the news. They even showed some stuff on FF dot net, and talked about the amounts and different kinds of Harry Potter fic, and I felt special because mine were among those numbers and it was really pretty excellent. The 6 o'clock news talked about RemusxSirius. Take a moment to think about how fucking awesome that is. I love this world and this beautiful Harry Potter community we have formed and all of you reading this and everyone who has ever read HP fanfiction and liked it and I feel so fucking lucky to be part of such a wonderful group of people, and I will be part of the Harry Potter community for the rest of my life and OH MY GOD THIS MOVIE IS MAKING ME SO EMOTIONAL I'M PRACTICALLY PREGNANT.

"When I'm 80 years old, I'll be reading Harry Potter. My family will say, 'After all this time?' and I will say 'Always.'" - Alan Rickman

Warning: Swearing, gay (NO?), and many sadz :C

Disclaimer: I own Terry Terry Terry. The rest is all copyright to Queen Rowling.

Dedication: My mother, my spell checker, my thesaurus, the one person in the world with the balls to have near-screaming arguments with me to make me make scenes longer. (Apparently every single scene in the last chapter was too short. Looking back, I kind of agree with her but I'm just not sure what else I'm meant to put in. I've tried to remedy that this time.) This story would not be what it is without her, and the fact that she really _gets_ what it's about just makes it that much better. My mum is the fucking coolest person alive. Except for me B)

_So I will miss the train ride in, and the pranks pulled by the twins. Though it's nowhere I have been, I'll keep on smiling, from the times I had with them._ End Of An Era - Oliver Boyd and the Remembralls

**The Wooing Of Sirius Black**

Mornings were always the worst time of the day. In the evening, staying separate was easy. They could each sequester themselves off in different areas of the common room, or behind the safety of their curtains, and the painful, bitter silences were few and far between.

Mornings were different, Remus reflected. Mornings brought them all together, they had no choice but to be in each others presence, silent and tense though it was. It had been two whole months since the painful confrontation in the common room, and the heartbreaking conversation with Sirius directly afterwards, two long, silent months. James, typically prideful, had made no moves whatsoever towards apologising, instead becoming more of a showoff and, frankly, an idiot, than ever before. Sirius had withdrawn from the group alltogether, as had Peter, and Remus found himself somewhat lost. The longest conversation held in their dorm in the last two months had been on the subject of Peter's missing pyjama bottoms, mysteriously found on the canopy of Remus' bed.

Hoping to dive into his clothes quickly and avoid the inevitable angry atmosphere, Remus slithered out of his bed, breathing a sigh of relief when he saw that Peter was, as usual, the only other person up, gathering his books and quills for the day.

"Morning, Pete." He said quietly, hurrying to his trunk and searching for a clean uniform, somewhere among the chaotic mess of books and half stress-eaten blocks of chocolate.

"Morning." Peter said neutrally, buckling his bag shut. "Potions first today, yeah?"  
"Should be. Did you finish your essay?" Remus asked automatically, tugging off his pyjama top and getting his head stuck trying to pull on his school shirt without unbuttoning the collar.

"Barely, I was up most of last night, working on it. It's not like Slughorn to set us so much homework. Must be getting serious for OWL-" Peter, speaking from the doorway, broke off mid-sentence at the rustle and swish of Sirius' bed curtains opening.

"See ya." Peter changed his sentence abruptly, nodding amiably to Sirius and exiting the room in a hurry, clearly wanting to avoid the inevitable tension. Remus was only half-paying attention, eyes locked anxiously on Sirius' own, the by now traditional morning stare of hurt and apology and longing that broke Remus' heart, and gave him hope at the same time. Finally he tore his eyes away, returning his attention to his trunk, and as he finally dug out a pile of clean pants and trousers from underneath a worn copy of Hamlet, last year's Ancient Runes textbook, and hardly touched white chocolate he had been given by a thoughtful, but not very close uncle for his last birthday, the inevitable scuffling of curtains heralded James' awakening.

Naturally, the air of tension and unsaid words thickened, and Remus kept his eyes glued on his trunk as he changed quickly, hands trembling slightly as he did up his fly.

Somehow, James always dressed ten times faster than the others. "Where are my potions notes?" He asked tersely, looking through his bag, already fully dressed.

"Peter borrowed them. They should be on his bed." Remus said quietly, always slightly startled by the soft, sad voice he had automatically adopted around the people who had once been his closest friends.

"Thanks." Remus heard James scoop up the notes, shuffle quickly past Sirius' bed, and leave the room.

Sirius hadn't even started getting dressed when Remus turned around, he was just tugging angrily with a comb at his beautiful hair in a small mirror, a look of anger and regret reflected back at Remus.

"Sirius... can we talk?" Remus asked this question almost every day, and every time the answer was the same.

Looking up slowly at Remus, sadness painted on his face, Sirius shook his head. "I can't, Remus."

"O... Okay." Remus sighed, picking up his bag and heading for the exit. With every time he got that answer, he got just a little bit more hopeless. Sirius showed no signs of wanting to work things out between them.

_'And why would he?'_ The ever louder pessimistic side of Remus thought. _'James may be the one who lied to both of you, but you were perfectly willing to forsake him and run off to the nearest pair of arms that were open. He has every right to hate you, and now you're pestering him to talk about something he doesn't want to. I wouldn't be surprised if you wake up one day and he's standing over your bed with a knife.'_

"Shut up." Remus muttered to himself, as he reached the bottom of the stairs to the common room. As usual, Lily was waiting for him. She had really helped Remus over the last two months, spending more time than ever with him, and forming a close bond, something Remus simply couldn't do without.

"Morning, Remus." She said cheerily, arms wrapped around a large book. "Did you sleep well? You look beat."

"Yeah..." Remus muttered tiredly, rubbing his eyes. "It's not sleep that's the problem, it's the bloody mornings. Every day it's just a bit worse." Lily didn't know the details of why the Marauders were no longer speaking, but Remus had given her a vague gist, though he had made out that their fight was about Sirius hurting Snape, and while he had let Lily in on his own sexuality, he had learned all too well from everything how sharing secrets could ruin things, and hadn't told her anything about the others.

"Poor thing." Lily patted his shoulder sympathetically, as they walked down towards breakfast together. "Don't worry too much. It's just boys being stupid, pigheaded boys. Once they sort out their macho bollocks I'm sure you guys will sort everything out. You're too close for something like this to drive you all apart."

"I guess." Remus sighed, not convinced. He changed the subject, and for the rest of the walk downstairs they discussed the transfiguration essay due today, which both of them had worked hard on, and were convinced they were going to fail. By the time they reached the Great Hall, they were so involved in their conversation, that Remus had almost forgotten James would already be there. He was sitting in the middle of the row of seats, Peter opposite him, clearly not particularly happy for the company of his former hero. James was grinning and flouncing in his usual showoffy way, and as Remus watched, he flicked his wand cheekily at the Ravenclaw table, and all the dishes levitated, floating all round the table, coming tauntingly close to people before pulling away cheekily. Remus swore he saw a dish of scrambled eggs snickering when a tall Ravenclaw girl made a grab for it and instead landed on the table facefirst. Remus and Lily sat down at the end of the Gryffindor table amidst a gale of laughter from all of the school except the Ravenclaws. Within seconds McGonagall was by James' chair, an all too familiar look of stretched patience on her face.

"Potter. Why was I expecting something like this? My office, now." She flicked her wand sternly, and the dishes obediently drifted back to their proper places, humiliated Ravenclaws resuming their meal, all now glaring at James.

James didn't even look at Remus and Lily as he swaggered past, even pausing to snap a flirtatious wink at the girl who had hit her head, who was now rubbing it angrily and glaring at James.

As the laughter and conversation caused by James' prank was beginning to die out, Sirius slouched into the Great Hall. Like James, he didn't even look at Remus and Lily as he passed them. Unlike James, he was hunched over, hands in his pockets, eyes fixed to the floor. The transformation seemingly overnight of Sirius Black from Hogwarts Stud and Prankster Extraodinare to the reserved, slouching, shy boy he had become had been a talking point among the students of Hogwarts for some time now, but people were starting to get used to it, and nobody but Remus so much as noticed him grabbing a stack of toast and immediately turning for the exit, not meeting anyone's eye, desperately avoiding so much as brushing against the back of anyone's chair. He sped up when passing both Peter and Remus, and Remus thought for a second he saw a moist glimmer in his eye, but then he was gone, and it was back to breakfast as usual.

"You really like him, don't you?" Lily sighed, her eyes following Sirius out the door then returning to Remus' face.

"I do." Remus sighed, stirring his beans, no longer hungry. He hadn't been able to come out to Lily without explaining his feelings for Sirius, but the circumstances between them were still largely a mystery to her. "I keep asking him to talk, but he won't."

"It looks like he just needs space." Lily said soothingly. "Give him some time, he'll be ready soon."

"But have you ever seen Sirius needing space?" Remus asked, throwing his fork down on his plate and giving up on the meal. "This isn't him. He's so hurt. I just want to make things right again."

"If he's _'so hurt'_," Lily raised an eyebrow, making finger quotes, "Surely he'd be grateful if you gave him that space he wants."

"Well, yeah... but..." Remus couldn't think of a single legitimate reason for his desire to talk things out with Sirius that he hadn't already told Lily. "But... I want to talk to him so I can feel better." He said lamely.

"I know." Lily patted his hand sympathetically. "He'll come around. He just needs some space to sort his head out. Be patient, it'll be fine."

"But he's had _so much_ time. I just... I dunno." Remus sighed, scratching at one of the scars on his face. "I'm thinking of just giving up on him. On men altogether. I hurt him so much, he might never get past it enough to talk. I'd make a good spinster, right?" He said in a pleading voice, and Lily laughed.

"Hey, nothing's worth giving up on men. God, I've had Potter hounding me for the last five years and I haven't given up on finding a good one yet." Lily smiled encouragingly, though the smile fell when she saw the look on Remus' face. "What?"

"Nothing." He sighed. "Just... James is really a good guy, deep, deep, deep, _deep_ down. Or..." He paused, trying to think of a way to put it. "I'm sure he'd be a good guy for _you_, if you gave him the chance. It's just other people he's not good at being a good guy for."

"I'll take your word for it." Lily said warily. "It doesn't matter... good guy or no, I like my men less stupid and a lot less stalkery. A reasonable request, surely."

"Fair enough." Remus smiled, and their conversation turned to cheerier subjects, Remus still unwilling to think about his situation with Sirius more than he had to.

* * *

Every time he had to reject Remus for a talk, Sirius felt just a little bit worse. If he was really honest with himself, he was miserable enough by himself that he was ready to at least talk, get back to being friends, take things slow and see how it went... but every time Remus brought up the subject his heart leaped into his throat, and his guts tied themselves into knots, and his mouth told Remus no all by itself. The immediate, gripping fear at the mere subject of things between them was totally incapacitating, and Sirius felt more and more guilty each time. Sirius wrung his hands angrily, forgetting that he was still holding one slice of toast from breakfast. Looking down at the butter and crumbs smooshed all over his hands, Sirius felt a sudden rush of bitter hopelessness, and in that instant made up his mind to yet again cut all his classes. What was the point, when he was already in detention for pretty much the rest of his education. The idea of sitting in the same room as all the others, all day, was simply too much to bear today. The pain, memories, and tension were overwhelming. Sirius flung the toast angrily at the base of a statue and marched off, heading for the nearest boys' room to wash his hands.

As he turned off the tap, Sirius heard the door opening. Simply not wanting to deal with the stress of people, Sirius ignored them, keeping his head down, until he heard his name.

"Black?" Looking up, Sirius groaned internally at the handsome face reflected in the mirror. Terry.

"Ball." He said, voice bordering on a growl. The last thing in the entire world that he wanted to do was talk to Terry. He'd rather naked mud wrestle with Snape.

"I just... how are you?" He asked timidly, fidgeting with his nails.

"Fine." Sirius didn't bother trying to avoid growling this time. "Just absolutely dandy, thank you very much."

"I never apologised properly to you." Terry's reflection took a step closer, and Sirius, still hunched over the sink, refused to turn and face him.

"Yeah, well it's not like you could have known." Sirius' lip curled as he spoke, and he found himself fighting an animalistic instinct to transform and sink his teeth into Terry's stupid, Remus-kissing leg.

"Well... yeah, but I still have no right. I know I caused a lot of trouble, and I just... I wanted you to know I feel terrible." Terry's voice was uncharacteristically awkward, and Sirius took small pleasure at the fact that he could make him so uncomfortable.

"You do? That's great." Truth be told, Sirius was sure Terry had no idea he was going to open such a can of worms when he kissed Remus, but it didn't help the fact that the entire chain of events had been started by him and his stupid lips.

"I mean it." Terry's voice was actually trembling a bit now, and he looked slightly frightened by Sirius' animalistic tone. "I shouldn't have tried to move in on your territory, it wasn't cool at all. I feel so bad for everything I caused."

"Yeah, well... good luck with that." Unable to listen to any more, Sirius launched himself off from the basin and stormed past Terry and out of the room, refusing to meet Terry's eye, but bumping his shoulder with his own on the way out. "Enjoy your piss."

Sirius slammed the bathroom door, storming away as fast as he could, not willing to cope with any of this right now. He heard Terry call after him from the doorway, but he wanted none of it, simply speeding up his gait and turning the nearest corner to get out of sight.

Sirius rushed around a few corners, bitterness seething in his mind, not even noticing his surroundings until he rounded a corner a little too sharply, and almost walked right into Remus.

"Sirius!" Remus inhaled, and through his curtain of rage Sirius saw the all too familiar flush of uncomfortableness filling Remus' face. "I... sorry." He murmered, biting his lip in a gesture that Sirius would ordinarily have found adorable.

"'Sokay." Sirius growled, not looking forward to the inevitable question he _knew _was coming.

"Can we _please _talk, Sirius?" Remus begged, and Sirius, teeth grinding together, so full of anger he was unable to give Remus the usual brush-off answer.

"No, Remus. No, we can't fucking talk." He growled, nails digging into his palms, unruly tears threatening to squeeze free from his eyes. "You wanna know why? Because I fucking _love _you, and you didn't even CARE about your so-called feelings for me enough to fucking TALK TO ME, before jumping right on to the next available person. Fuck, I'd understand it if you thought you had a real shot at happiness with someone, but I mattered so _little_ to you that you threw away everything we could have had for a fucking _cheap snog._. And then when your little thing with James fell apart and you found yourself all alone again you came clawing back, and pestering me day and night to talk about something I find so fucking painful to think about I can't _sleep _most nights, because you're a clingy _bastard_, and can't stand to be by yourself for more than five minutes. So no, I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to think about this. Half the time, I don't even want to fucking exist anymore, just so I won't have to feel this terrible every single fucking second. Every time I see you I have to resist the urge to hit you, cry, and throw up all at once, and I have to live with that all day, every day, without a single second off. Why do you think I've been missing so many classes? I can't fucking _handle _this anymore." With that final sentence, Sirius' voice choked up, and he could no longer keep the tears from bursting free of his eyelids and running down his face. Already, he regretted saying all that to Remus, there was always that little voice in the back of his head, whispering that really, it was all his own fault, for being too much of a coward to tell Remus in the first place, and he had no right to be angry. A thousand different feelings, and unsaid words tearing around inside him, Sirius could bear it no longer. Not even looking up to see Remus' reaction, he ducked around him, teeth gritted, and ran down the corridor, tears flying from his chin, leaving cold trails on his burning skin.

* * *

"It seems these little visits of yours are becoming more and more frequent, Mr. Potter." Professor McGonagall sighed, as she leaned over to offer James one of the biscuits she always kept on her desk. She had given up on trying to withhold them from James after, as third years he and Sirius had crept, invisible, into her office and took the whole lot, replacing them with Flobberworm leavings nicked from Care of Magical Creatures class.

"I can't help it, Minerva, my darling." James smirked, taking a biscuit and leaning back in his chair, customary smirk on his face. "I try to resist the pull to do evil, and then I think of your beautiful face, and the longing to once more return to our little love nest overwhelms me. I only do evil so we can be together, my darling."

"Enough, Potter." McGonagall snapped, rubbing her right temple. "The little crush thing was cute when you were eleven. Now that you're sixteen, it is nothing but irritating. Please explain why exactly you feel the need to land yourself in here on a near daily basis, and I will consider not giving you detention this once. I assume it has something to do with your little feud with Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin?"

"I... yes." James sighed, knowing when he was beaten, and leaned forwards in his chair once more, hunching over his knees slightly and running a hand through his hair, biscuit forgotten. "They hate me, and they're right to, and they hate each other because of me, which is stupid, and things are so far gone I don't know how to even begin fixing anything. And... y'know, without friends, a guy's gotta make himself smile somehow." James ruffled his hair again and, remembering his biscuit, took a sorrowful nibble.

"I see." Professor McGonagall said thoughtfully, looking straight through James for what must have been a full minute, James utterly frozen by her piercing gaze. Finally, after the longest time, McGonagall spoke. "And what exactly caused this rift between such solid friends?"

"I..." James choked, startled into speechlessness, and unable to think of a convincing lie in time. "They... we... there was..."

"Let me start you off by working backwards, shall I?" Professor McGonagall said patiently, and James could see that he wasn't getting away with this one. "Prior to this spate of misbehaviour, I interrupted yourself, Mr. Black, and Mr. Lupin arguing very loudly and graphically about some betrayal of trust on your part, if my memory serves me correctly. Before that, all four of you lot and Mr. Snape wound up in hospital wing, due to Mr. Black betraying Mr. Lupin's secret to Mr. Snape, your and Mr. Pettigrew's efforts to save him, and you punching Mr. Black. Am I on the right track so far?"

James could do nothing but nod, desperate to get away from this unwanted conversation. He would have gladly scrubbed the grease from Snape's hair and earlobes just to get away from the penetrating stare of Professor McGonagall. He had never truly realised just how scary a woman she was until now.

"Excellent. The question that I must ask then, is what exactly led to these events? I have my theories, of course, but theories are useless without confirmation." She had James squarely pinned, and his brain filled with panicky, crazy excuses for recent events, suddenly wanting to simply run from the room and keep running forever, never looking back. Like a cat looking at a big bowl of cream, McGonagall smiled ever so slightly, resting her chin on her hands, elbows on her desk, and waiting.

It didn't take James long to crack under the pressure of her iron gaze, dragging his hand through his hair tensely, fingers clutching unwittingly hard enough to tear a few strands out.

"Okay. Okay." He blurted, dejected gaze fixed on his knees, and slowly, painfully he was able to regurgitate the whole story for her, hesitating over some parts, tugging at his hair so tightly in some places that it nearly hurt too much to keep talking. Telling the whole thing to someone else for the first time, really seeing the whole situation from an outside perspective, James finally understood exactly _why_ he was acting out. He wasn't lonely and bored. He wasn't finally free to indulge his inner showman. He wasn't even trying to prove to anyone that he didn't need friends. He felt bad. He felt horrible, like the worst piece of shit ever to crawl the corridors of Hogwarts. _He_ had betrayed his friends feelings. _He_ had taken their deepest secrets and hopes and used them for his own purposes. _He_ had treated his closest friends like mere playthings, fiddling around with their secrets and feelings for no real reason, then pushed them all aside when they caught on. Everything that had gone wrong was _his_ fault. If he hadn't been a selfish bastard, Sirius and Remus would have patched things up quickly after the incident with Terry, it might have even made it easier for Sirius to come out, and everyone would be happy and together as usual, and life would be perfectly simple, the way it was meant to be.

Professor McGonagall must have seen the stunned expression of realisation on James' face, because she surveyed him carefully before speaking in a strange, thoughtful, even tone. "I see. Well, Mr. Potter, you are dismissed. It is nice to have my suspicions confirmed, though things are far more complicated than I thought."  
"Thank you, Professor." James said weakly, finding it more difficult to stand up with his suddenly heavy body than he had thought it would be, biscuit still sitting on the desk entirely forgotten. "I..." He hesitated, not sure whether it was stupid to ask more of McGonagall. But the conversation had come this far, she was in deep enough now that a hypothetical question didn't seem so outrageous. "Do you think there's something I can to, to make up for it? Is there some way I can fix the mess I've made?"  
Professor McGonagall thought for a moment, before nodding uncharacteristically slowly. "The only thing that can truly fix a situation like yours is time, but every so often, time hands you a gift. Know that gift when you see it, Potter, and take action to redeem yourself. Opportunities do not come around every day."  
"Er... thank you, Professor." James said from the doorway, confused and heartened and crushed all at once. Professor McGonagall's cryptic advice had come with a rare warm smile, and as James hurried down the corridor to Charms, the smile stayed with him, as he ran her words over and over in his head, trying to drown out his sense of intense guilt.

* * *

"Sorry I'm late, Pete... Slughorn's trying to murder us with this latest assignment, I swear. I don't know how he expects us to memorise the different functions of all the areas of a newt's brain." Terry puffed, falling into his usual chair in their meeting corridor, smelling faintly of newt guts, normally perfect hair askew. "Whatever you do, don't take NEWT level Potions. Biggest mistake I ever made." He sighed with relish, clearly enjoying the comfort of life outside of a classroom.

"I'll keep it in mind." Peter smiled, knowing full well that he was better than Terry at Potions, and would probably find it a breeze. "Stressed about exams yet?" He said in an almost teasing voice, knowing full well that Terry was. He was nearly as bad as Remus when it came to exams.

"A bit, yeah." Terry laughed, gesturing to his overflowing bag. "I know, we've got two months to go, but you can never be too prepared for these things. I should have been a Ravenclaw, really."  
"Remus has been like that for four months or so now, you're not the only one. If I didn't know better, his reaction would make me think that we'd all be brutally slaughtered if we failed our OWLS."  
"Hey, it's a possibility." Terry laughed slightly. "Imagine bringing home a card with only three or four OWLS on it. I doubt my parents would have let me leave the house alive.

"Mine might not notice." Peter shrugged. "They always seem slightly surprised that I'm there at all. I think they always expected a rowdier child, like James or Sirius, and when they wound up with me I was so quiet they just forgot I existed." Terry looked uncomfortable and sad, and Peter hastily added; "That's a joke, of course. I'm not really bothered. Just means I've got more time to myself."

"Hmm." Terry said unsurely, but didn't push the subject, instead changing it back to more exam talk.

Terry and Peter's meetings had become almost daily, the two forming a surprisingly solid friendship, and Peter had come to lean on Terry immensely. With the disbanding of the Marauders, Peter had found himself drifting uncomfortably, and not really willing to speak with any of his former friends, simply because all they wanted to talk about was themselves and their stupid, stupid problems. Even Remus had become completely unbearable when talking to him for more than a couple of minutes. Making friends had never been Peter's strong point, and just like this, along came Terry. Someone he could rely on, who seemed to be genuinely interested in having Peter as a friend. He did ask about Remus and co (usually Remus) every so often, but it was more out of concern than anything; his kiss with Remus clearly still weighed heavily on his conscience, and Peter didn't mind answering the odd question when they were coming from Terry and his friendly concern. Compared to other things, though, they hardly discussed the Marauder Drama, having far too many other subjects they both enjoyed talking about to hover on just one. And more than anything else, Peter loved the fact that Terry genuinely seemed interested in him. He had approached Peter for his friendship, and he was always keen to listen to anything Peter had to say. For the first time in his life, Peter felt his opinion was truly valued, and finally knew just what had been missing in all his years of 'friendship' with his selfish, arrogant roommates. Some shred of interest in Peter.

Of course, at first Peter had been somewhat worried that Terry was interested in him as more than a friend, but those worries had quickly disappeared when he realised just how often Terry asked about Remus. Clearly, Terry still had strong feelings for him, but was far too much of a gentleman to act on them when, in his eyes, Remus was thoroughly spoken for, another quality that endeared Terry to Peter all the more; knowing when to step back and avoid all the drama. Having a friendship without piles and piles of drama behind it was unbelievably refreshing.  
Terry and Peter shared a free hour before dinner every Tuesday and Thursday, and it was time they always spent together, this unseasonably chilly Tuesday being no exception. After an hour of lighthearted conversation they walked to dinner together, still talking, only parting when Terry reached the Hufflepuff table.

Peter always ate slowly now, wanting to prolong the amount of time he had before the inevitable return to the uncomfortable atmosphere of Gryffindor Tower. The choice was always the same, and never a nice one. He could study in the Common Room with Remus, who sat there in the most secluded corner, looking sad and blurting out random comments about how terrible he felt and how much he missed Sirius every other minute. He could hang out, also in the Common Room, with James, who would inevitably be lording it over some group of younger students, showing off tricksy charms and hexes, or pulling some minor prank, anything to keep all eyes on him, and essentially ignoring Peter alltogether. Or, he could spend the evening in the dormitory with Sirius. Peter had only done this twice in the two months since their row, and it was not an experience he wished to repeat. Sirius hardly spoke, and when he did it was always in dull, muted tones Peter had never heard from him before. Mostly he sat there, scribbling thoughts down quietly on paper. Peter knew he was working on some kind of story, but he had never asked to see it in all the months and months Sirius had been writing, simply because he always grew so quiet when working on it, as though it were so totally personal that even the sound of his own voice could spoil its magic.

Not looking forward to this unsavoury choice, Peter took his time eating, though he already knew he would wind up with James tonight. James had seemed strangely subdued ever since being dragged to McGonagall's office, and had hardly even looked at Peter through all their classes together. Peter could already tell he was going to end up bearing the brunt of whatever had happened tonight, because James would assume Peter was desperately interested in his problems, and once upon a time he had been, but now that James was actually paying him attention for the first time in their years of friendship, Peter found it cumbersome and annoying. In all the years he had hero-worshipped James Potter, he had never been shown the slightest bit of interest, and now that he was the only person James had, he found the mere presence of his former hero unbearable. An odd, painful conundrum.

So it was to Peter's total surprise, that James practically brushed him off when Peter sat down next to him in a strangely secluded area of the common room, adopting his tried and true caring voice.

"What's going on?" He asked in his exhausting attempt at caring.  
"Don't worry." James sighed, rubbing his face and tugging at his messy fringe. "Just McGonagall said some stuff... made me think. I've been such a prat."  
"You just figured that out?" Peter asked in a joking tone, but James was clearly having none of it.

"Yeah. Yeah, I did." He groaned, looking up at Peter, hazel eyes unnaturally dull. "Don't worry. You shouldn't have to put up with any of this crap, it's all my fault. I'm... I'm just gonna go to bed early tonight, Pete. I'm sorry."  
Peter stared after James in a slight state of shock as his former hero slumped lifelessly up the stairs, even attracting a surprised glance from Remus, who normally made it a point to avoid looking at James unless necessary.


End file.
